Would You Date An Escort Or Other Type Of Sex Industry Worker?

[just4fun]

I beg to differ.

They did retire.......so it's not forever

 

[User#16452]

people are people, a job is a job. I dont think I could be in a exclusive relationship with a SW though.. they would need to stop and find a regular job.

I did have a partner who wanted me to do this, as a result, we did not last much longer. I think if you want to commit to an exclusive relationship, knowing your partner's work from the onset, it is unfair to force them to change. Would you appreciate a potential partner telling you to change a big part of your life? Particularly if it something you enjoy and have worked hard at?

Personally, I would flee from any relationship where I was told that I "need" to change something about myself, especially if the relationship hadn't even properly begun! Perhaps I am old fashioned, but for me, love is unconditional. If you truly care for your partner, you accept them as they are.

 

[RandomTokyoGuy]

@User#16452
You give your partner the same freedom of choice of multiple sex partners? Just curious.

And yes I know it is a big sacrifice to ask, one of the reasons why I would be quite reluctant to approach such a relationship in the first place.
Oth, even if you believe and want it to last forever, I think a fair share of woman consider it an episode only and wouldn't mind stopping given the right time and the right guy.

 

[raumsagan]

From my travels, especially in Asia, this appears to be a rather common phenomenon, the dating bit.
I guess echoing many points raised here by User#16452, among others, I've heard a lot of stories from friends in the region of them or their friends getting an escort to stop working and effectively providing for the lady with a house/car etc...

It gets a little complicated because the men usually want to stop the girl from working again in the same industry, and problems arise because the girls get bored, guy loses job, etc...

Personally though, without knowing the economics of the business entirely, a good livelihood is a good livelihood, and not that many guys can afford to replace the freedoms (economic or otherwise) that someone who works in this trade already receives.

 

[User#16452]

@User#16452
You give your partner the same freedom of choice of multiple sex partners? Just curious.

If we had an open relationship, then both would be free to sleep with anyone they wanted. If it was an exclusive relationship, I'd like to think that my partner would realise that there is a big difference between an escort "date" and a real date.

As much as it might seem otherwise, an escort date will always be smoke and mirrors. To be jealous of an escort working just doesn't make sense. The escort often knows very little about the gentleman before meeting, can't bring up controversial views or challenge the gentleman's thinking in any great way, and must focus all of her efforts in bed to please, sometimes without receieving any pleasure in return.

Escorts provide a "perfect one night stand" service and so money is involved. If they weren't offering something above a normal date, no one would hire them.

 

[Solong]

those men she is sleeping with may not be to her liking i guess.. same reason anyone has one night stands i suppose

Most people do not have sex with a number of strangers, almost every day. You can't equate the normal or average situation to what a prostitute is doing.

Many people would do a 1 night stand, because for exactly the reason they are horny and not having sex regularly, or to do something different from what they normally do.

A prostitute may think more strongly in the context of sex equal making money or they must get money for sex, versus a more normal situation like fixing cars or being a pharmacist equal money, and sex is for pleasure.

 

[Solong]

I think it really depends on the situation. A casual/FWB relationship, she can do as she pleases. Anything serious or intended to lead to marriage, I prefer it to turn into something exclusive rather sooner than later. And that is probably a major difficulty, as I would ask her to drop her pretty substantial (and if she is independent probably mostly tax free) disposable income, which most likely she can't replace adequately. Oth I don't want to be a replacement purse only either. Of course there is no obstacle true love can't overcome, but the way there may be significantly more difficult than with a woman in a more standard job.

That being said I have dated both knowingly and unknowingly and also as a former client (all in Japan). I think it is actually of an advantage here, also from the female perspective, that most services here don't involve FS.

I agree with this line of thinking.

1) If she is a prostitute and you ask her to stop, then does she have any education or job skills?

2) Would she even like doing a 9 to 5 job or being a regular housewife after being a prostitute for so many years?

3) What will replace the money she was getting from prostitution?

If she was making 100,000 dollars a year tax free, can you (the guy) make up the difference in cash or give her the lifestyle she feels entitled to?

 

[Solong]

If we had an open relationship, then both would be free to sleep with anyone they wanted. If it was an exclusive relationship, I'd like to think that my partner would realise that there is a big difference between an escort "date" and a real date.

As much as it might seem otherwise, an escort date will always be smoke and mirrors. To be jealous of an escort working just doesn't make sense. The escort often knows very little about the gentleman before meeting, can't bring up controversial views or challenge the gentleman's thinking in any great way, and must focus all of her efforts in bed to please, sometimes without receieving any pleasure in return.

Escorts provide a "perfect one night stand" service and so money is involved. If they weren't offering something above a normal date, no one would hire them.

I think many guys would feel that an exclusive relationship would be the woman giving up being an escort/prostitution. If not, many guys would feel they are being cheated or the situation is unfair.

If she is engaged in sex industry work, a guy may feel he should be allowed to see other women for sex. Basically, an open relationship, whether it was openly declared or silently understood.

The escort might frame it in her mind that "customers" don't count, but the guy may not and that is additional amounts of sex he isn't getting. Just because she is having sex with a customer doesn't mean she isn't highly enjoying it, at least sometimes. Many guys would only equate the situation as the same, if he was doing sex industry work too, like he's a porn star.

 

[Mr Cat]

I'm curious since you're on this forum, do you visit sex workers yourself? It would be a bit odd to enjoy the fruits of something yet condemn the labours, so to speak.

Yes I do when I am single. I don't think it's being hypocrite to use escort services but not wanting to marry one.

 

[User#16452]

I think many guys would feel that an exclusive relationship would be the woman giving up being an escort/prostitution. If not, many guys would feel they are being cheated or the situation is unfair.

...

The escort might frame it in her mind that "customers" don't count, but the guy may not and that is additional amounts of sex he isn't getting thus it's an unfair to him.

I think you're making the mistake of framing all sex as equal. This is a big difference between providing a sex service and having sex purely for pleasure with someone you love.

Yes I do when I am single. I don't think it's being hypocrite to use escort services but not wanting to marry one.

That wasn't my point. What you said before was:

Yes and this way of making a living isn't compatible with my values ( but I don't judge it wrong, and wouldn't think negatively of a friend getting married to a sex worker)

So you personal values don't align with someone making money from sex but you are happy to pay for sex? I understand that you don't judge it as wrong, but it is odd to support an industry that you disagree with in one way or another.

 

[User#6326]

If we had an open relationship, then both would be free to sleep with anyone they wanted. If it was an exclusive relationship, I'd like to think that my partner would realise that there is a big difference between an escort "date" and a real date.

As much as it might seem otherwise, an escort date will always be smoke and mirrors. To be jealous of an escort working just doesn't make sense. The escort often knows very little about the gentleman before meeting, can't bring up controversial views or challenge the gentleman's thinking in any great way, and must focus all of her efforts in bed to please, sometimes without receieving any pleasure in return.

Escorts provide a "perfect one night stand" service and so money is involved. If they weren't offering something above a normal date, no one would hire them.

im not asking "the person" to change, i am asking them to take a job which doesnt involve them sharing their bodies with others.. its contingent on them wanting an exclusive relationship with me too of course.

job -/- person are seperate things, hence i can consider a relationship with a sw in the first place

 

[Mr Cat]

Another thing for j-blair, call me old fashion but for my liking a relationship means only my dick goes in my wife vagina, and even if she would make a difference in her mind between me and her clients I am not ready to accept that my girl gets fucked for a living.
I have never been in open relationship because I like being exclusive.
Again I have nothing against people who adopt a different lifestyle

 

[User#16452]

im not asking "the person" to change, i am asking them to take a job which doesnt involve them sharing their bodies with others.. its contingent on them wanting an exclusive relationship with me too of course.

job -/- person are seperate things, hence i can consider a relationship with a sw in the first place

I would argue that a career that someone has worked had at is a big part of their life. Certainly, work consumes a big chunk of our lives.

If we were considering an exclusive relationship and I told you to change careers, would you do so?

Another thing for j-blair, call me old fashion but for my liking a relationship means only my dick goes in my wife vagina, and even if she would make a difference in her mind between me and her clients I am not ready to accept that my girl gets fucked for a living.
I have never been in open relationship because I like being exclusive.
Again I have nothing against people who adopt a different lifestyle

You sound like a guy who considers his wife's body his "territory". Things like this are why I'm quite certain I'll never get married.



For anyone else also interested in sexology, here are my thoughts: the supposed reasoning behind wanting to keep women virginal as well as exclusive throughout history, while men have had harams and multiple wives, is the fear of raising a child that is not theirs. If a woman gave birth to a child then it is obvious that it is hers, but the father is not always as easy to know. An unknown child would consume a lot of valuble resources that could have been spent on the man's own children. Futhermore, a healthy fertile woman is limited in the amount of times she can give birth throughout her life, compared to a man who can easily sire thousands.

Fortunately we now live in a day and age where pregnancy is not an obligation to fulfil. However, from reading this thread, I wonder if this is related to how strongly some gentlemen feel against the idea of their female partner having other partners. Perhaps not consciously, but instinctively.

 

[Mr Cat]

If we were considering an exclusive relationship and I told you to change careers, would you do so?



You sound like a guy who considers his wife's body his "territory". Things like this are why I'm quite certain I'll never get married.

1. Irrelevant, except if my job is about getting fucked in the ass (who said a salaryman job? )
But yeah I would consider changing career for my partner. And if you think about it it happens quite often when one's get transfer to an office in different city/country the other follows.

2. What do you not understand in exclusive relationship? We belong to each other body&soul (wow that's cheesy). Not a territory.

Then it's not because me or a guy like me wouldn't marry you that no one will. You can get married with someone whose values differ from mine and can accept and support your lifestyle. Those men exists.

 

[User#16452]

1. Irrelevant, except if my job is about getting fucked in the ass (who said a salaryman job? )
But yeah I would consider changing career for my partner. And if you think about it it happens quite often when one's get transfer to an office in different city/country the other follows.

You'd do that for someone that you aren't in an exclusive relationship with yet?

2. What do you not understand in exclusive relationship? We belong to each other body&soul (wow that's cheesy). Not a territory.

Then it's not because me or a guy like me wouldn't marry you that no one will. You can get married with someone whose values differ from mine and can accept and support your lifestyle. Those men exists.

I'm not sure I understand what you are trying to say here. If you thought that when I said "things like this are why I'm quite certain I'll never get married", was due to a lack of offers, then I'm afraid you are mistaken. I just don't support the idea of marriage.

 

[User#6326]

lots of sub questions here.. i think a poll might be more useful..maybe hard though.. oh god i made a suggestion

- would you date a sex worker?
- do you prefer a non-exclusive or exclusive relationship? (+why?)
- is it fair for a sex worker to expect you to be exclusive but not them? Would you accept it?
- what would you give up for someone you love / what wouldn't you (kind of silly question)

@User#16452 Sounds to me like you don't believe in exclusive relationships, or maybe don't want one at this stage.. I think its silly for someone to date you, knowing what you do for a living and then demand you quit.. if you really loved them and wanted to be with them (exclusively), and their condition was that you are truly exclusive, i don't think that's unreasonable..

I also think that people in general feel they are more trapped in a career than they are, and are far more capable than they give themselves credit for .. although i get that Japan is very rigid also..

 

[Hamerare]

In Japan it would appear that younger girls work the delivery health circuit then hit the pink salons in their 30s when income becomes a problem. Most will tell you they would accept marriage and become a housewife if they could find a chap prepared to take care of them and accept their past. Japanese guys are a problem in this respect, foreign men far less judgemental.

I have a buddy who married a South American pro, still happily married 25 years later.

Many guys marry Thai and Flippa WGs. You hear a lot of horror stories, but I also know of couples who made it work. This is key, the 2 people involved and not the background of the woman.

The problem with dating a WG or a bar hostess is that they tend to work unsociable hours. If you are a chap with a 9 to 7 job you are getting up when she gets home. You need to be a creature of the night yourself.

In the past I have tried to date WG in Japan but you have to be prepared to compensate them for loss of earnings on a particular night. Either that or StArbucks in the afternoon

 

[User#16452]

@User#16452 Sounds to me like you don't believe in exclusive relationships, or maybe don't want one at this stage..

I do believe in exclusive relationships and would be open to one, however, I just don't believe that any exclusive relationship can last forever, where both partners are completely happy. Certainly, I feel that my priorities in life change every few months as my life goals realign. I think it would be impossible predict what I will want in the future, to know that this will stay the same, but also to know that these goals will be compatible with my partner's. In my case, anyway, I have many things that I want to achieve. My plans for next year alone have made it difficult for me to commit to a relationship this year.

Incidentally, I have not been a supporter of marriage long before I ever became a sex worker. It was actually reading about sexology that changed my views.

 

[User#6326]

I do believe in exclusive relationships and would be open to one, however, I just don't believe that any exclusive relationship can last forever, where both partners are completely happy. Certainly, I feel that my priorities in life change every few months as my life goals realign. I think it would be impossible predict what I will want in the future, to know that this will stay the same, but also to know that these goals will be compatible with my partner's. In my case, anyway, I have many things that I want to achieve. My plans for next year alone have made it difficult for me to commit to a relationship this year.

Incidentally, I have not been a supporter of marriage long before I ever became a sex worker. It was actually reading about sexology that changed my views.

"i do believe in them and are open to them"

except deep down i know they can never work because of A, B, C, D, E

wow.. you sound so open to them!

yep, non-exclusive relationships are the way to go for me too right now, and for a few years i expect

unless i meet someone totally amazing but that seems so rare

 

[User#16452]

"i do believe in them and are open to them"

except deep down i know they can never work because of A, B, C, D, E

wow.. you sound so open to them!

I think you misunderstand. I would be open to one aslong as our personal goals and needs aligned, be it weeks, months, or even a year or two, but I would never commit myself to having to remain in one because of marriage. There are billions of people on this planet, it does not make sense to stay with someone who is making you unhappy. Marriage, however, seems to have been designed in a way that this is common.

 

[User#6326]

I think you misunderstand. I would be open to one aslong as our personal goals and needs aligned, be it weeks, months, or even a year or two, but I would never commit myself to having to remain in one because of marriage. There are billions of people on this planet, it does not make sense to stay with someone who is making you unhappy. Marriage, however, seems to have been designed in a way that this is common.

oh i see, I get you

"Just because you weren't meant to be together forever doesn't mean you weren't meant to be together for a while."

 

[DJV]

There are billions of people on this planet, it does not make sense to stay with someone who is making you unhappy. Marriage, however, seems to have been designed in a way that this is common.

Sometimes it makes sense to stay with a person who is making you unhappy. Because sometimes it means you need to be a better person yourself. And marriage can help you give more time to work on than saying goodbye at the first big crisis.
Of course it happens both ways, and you need to be supportive of your spouse too.
@User#16452 , like escorting for us clients, I think you'll never know for sure what marriage is without trying It's like having kids, it's a journey that can't be just summarized with "whatever"-logy or reading experiences.

As for the OP's questions, yes I could very well date an escort, with all that's implied. I just love the work, so for me it's (or would be) like dating a rock star.
Now you can get tired of dating a rock star but that's another question (oh is it ?).

 

[User#6326]

Sometimes it makes sense to stay with a person who is making you unhappy. Because sometimes it means you need to be a better person yourself. And marriage can help you give more time to work on than saying goodbye at the first big crisis.
Of course it happens both ways, and you need to be supportive of your spouse too.
@User#16452 , like escorting for us clients, I think you'll never know for sure what marriage is without trying It's like having kids, it's a journey that can't be just summarized with "whatever"-logy or reading experiences.

As for the OP's questions, yes I could very well date an escort, with all that's implied. I just love the work, so for me it's (or would be) like dating a rock star.
Now you can get tired of dating a rock star but that's another question (oh is it ?).

I dont think marriage adds anything to a relationship that wasnt already there.. and actually has a negative effect of making both parties lazy "i dont have to be my best because they are stuck with me" add to that the financial aspect "i dont have to go out and sort my finances out as his money is my money"..

much better to understand that either party can leave at any time and that is why you both need to work at it because you want to stay together, not because you don't want to be divorced

 

[DJV]

Fair enough,
But it is stressful to always have to be at your best.
Also what would you say if kids are part of the equation ?

 

[User#6326]

Fair enough,
Now what would you say if kids are in the equation ?

I think if you need marriage, then you don't have enough trust.. I am being a little idealistic i know