You Ever Get That Feeling...

[Minato Namikaze]

where you don't belong?

I don't know. I've lived in Japan for almost 6 years now and I still feel like a foreigner for some reason.

I have 3 friends, 2 in highschool and 1 in college who would often tell me things like "You don't have to feel like that. You're japanese! You look like one, you act like one and you definitely are one! Just because you grew up in another country doesn't mean you don't belong here anymore. Cheer up!"

I appreciate and love all of them. But sometimes, I often get feelings like I don't belong here or emotions that I still FEEL like a foreigner. Because of my mom and dad's divorce, I grew up in the care of my relatives in Austin, Texas for the most of my life. I've only decided to come back to Japan because my mother wanted me to be with her. At first, I declined her offer and wanted to stay in America because that is where I was more adapted and all my friends were there. I'm not saying I haven't adapted to the japanese way of life, it's just that because I never grew up here, never went to school here or experienced most of the culture and lifestyle of living here, I guess I've always felt like an outsider still.

My mom would often tell me that I was just over-thinking everything and that since I'm a fully recognized japanese, I shouldn't have to feel that way, but what she doesn't understand is that if you grew up in a place where you pretty much spent the majority of your life in, and then all of a sudden you get thrown into a whole new world and must start again anew, it kinda puts me a little bit uneasy.

Maybe I'm just bad at adapting.
Maybe I am just over thinking it.

Sorry for the rant, but I've been wanting to release this in a place where I know that some people might feel the same way.

Thanks for reading.

 

[KumaDog]

Austin ruins people for living anywhere else. (I love Austin) Have friends there and visited a bunch of times for film and music work.
I understand your feelings though. I watch US TV on the net and sometimes I get homesick for the South. I want to get in my suv and drive... but I do not have a car now and there is no beach close by. People are cool but they are not "cowboys" as I am often described. As gaijin from US anyways, are often described.

Don't over-think it too much. I am looking at this as a new chapter in life. A new landscape with new people. My Japanese wife says I am a chameleon. She cannot be. Too much stress. She said she sometimes envies the slack given to me as a foreigner. For her, there is none.

I have taken to hiking and chatting with obasans... They are Japan's cowboys.

 

[k1234k]

The key point is not to think of moving here as 'starting over'. There aren't goals for you to clear to 'catch up' with where you think you should be socially in Japan. I know that some people obsess about this sort of thing, but experience a shock when, after about 40 years, they realize that no one else really cares. At all. And the 'friends' who DO care are pricks, and not worth hanging around with anyway.

That bit of your mind that makes you feel like a foreigner? That's Western Enlightenment! A tremendous asset.

 

[Username1]

The key point is not to think of moving here as 'starting over'. There aren't goals for you to clear to 'catch up' with where you think you should be socially in Japan. I know that some people obsess about this sort of thing, but experience a shock when, after about 40 years, they realize that no one else really cares. At all. And the 'friends' who DO care are pricks, and not worth hanging around with anyway.

That bit of your mind that makes you feel like a foreigner? That's Western Enlightenment! A tremendous asset.

I would add that if you think of the move to Japan as starting over, to really make a difference and not just be the same. You have several advantages over the other foreigners here - you are young, Japanese with a foreign mindset and have a family here. Assuming you will live here for a while, make the most of your life and get somewhere before you are 30. I have seen so many gaijins here who I would clasify as losers. Dead end job, negative and nothing to show, which is the reason they hate it here but can't go back. Mongering aside because really this site should not be a place for a 26 year old starting up his life, you should focus on working really hard on a successful life because the years will go by very quickly. Who you were before or your education/credentials doesn't matter here because this country (or any other for that matter) can be very good to those who know how to find opportunities. Money isn't eveything but cash definitely rules in this town of milk and honey.

 

[Ettore2011]

I've only decided to come back to Japan because my mother wanted me to be with her.

If you felt so, better　think different.

 

[R.O.B]

A bit of a worn analogy, but still valid, Kyorose: a human is the hardware and culture is the software. You may look Japanese and maybe your passport even says you are Japanese, but if you grew up outside of Japan in your formative years then that 'input' (culture) is what you are, American and Texan more specifically. You cannot escape it and the first step to trying to adapt is to understand that and accept that yourself. Your big problem may be mostly that other people will not understand that considering how you look. What you need to do is create that third cultural space for yourself that you are comfortable in. You are 'in' Japan but you are 'of' Austin. That will never change, but you can to deal with it. It might be hard and frustrating at time but it can be very rewarding. Good luck.

 

[brutalhonesty]

I'm Japanese but I grew up overseas and I feel like an outsider here. That's not necessarily a bad thing, I think I can be a bit more objective.

My friends tend to be foreigners or Japanese people with similar background to mine. Or people that can understand my cynical and sarcastic senese of humor.

I don't think you should try to fit in. Just enjoy everything that Japan has to offer and you will be fine.

 

[Minato Namikaze]

Austin ruins people for living anywhere else. (I love Austin) Have friends there and visited a bunch of times for film and music work.
I understand your feelings though. I watch US TV on the net and sometimes I get homesick for the South. I want to get in my suv and drive... but I do not have a car now and there is no beach close by. People are cool but they are not "cowboys" as I am often described. As gaijin from US anyways, are often described.

Don't over-think it too much. I am looking at this as a new chapter in life. A new landscape with new people. My Japanese wife says I am a chameleon. She cannot be. Too much stress. She said she sometimes envies the slack given to me as a foreigner. For her, there is none.

I have taken to hiking and chatting with obasans... They are Japan's cowboys.

Austin is a wonderful place to be honest. I remember me and my buddies would just hang around the local bar all day and just chat nonsense. We sometimes go to my friend's custom shooting range and play around with his toys. It was all wonderful memories. I remember just plugging my iPod on, laying back on the porch and fish on our fishing pond that my uncle built. Those days, man...

The key point is not to think of moving here as 'starting over'. There aren't goals for you to clear to 'catch up' with where you think you should be socially in Japan. I know that some people obsess about this sort of thing, but experience a shock when, after about 40 years, they realize that no one else really cares. At all. And the 'friends' who DO care are pricks, and not worth hanging around with anyway.

That bit of your mind that makes you feel like a foreigner? That's Western Enlightenment! A tremendous asset.

I don't consider them as goals, but rather there is this lingering feeling of obligation that I SHOULD adapt and be part of it. No one is telling me to do so but there is just this feeling inside that feel like I should. Like it's my job. Forgive me for asking but how is my "western enlightenment" considered a tremendous asset?

I would add that if you think of the move to Japan as starting over, to really make a difference and not just be the same. You have several advantages over the other foreigners here - you are young, Japanese with a foreign mindset and have a family here. Assuming you will live here for a while, make the most of your life and get somewhere before you are 30. I have seen so many gaijins here who I would clasify as losers. Dead end job, negative and nothing to show, which is the reason they hate it here but can't go back. Mongering aside because really this site should not be a place for a 26 year old starting up his life, you should focus on working really hard on a successful life because the years will go by very quickly. Who you were before or your education/credentials doesn't matter here because this country (or any other for that matter) can be very good to those who know how to find opportunities. Money isn't eveything but cash definitely rules in this town of milk and honey.

Dear Lord, that hit me right in the center. First time I came here, I had nothing. Dead-end factory job and nothing to show. I never grew up nor went to school here so I don't have any valid degrees to start a career. I was extremely negative about myself and just wished that I could just go home back to TX. But my mom is alone and I am all she has. I love her and I don't want to leave her so I'm trying my best to make do with what I have. My mom insists that we live together but I told her that I wanted to be independent and want to live alone to see if I could make it. I visit her during my off days at work.

A bit of a worn analogy, but still valid, Kyorose: a human is the hardware and culture is the software. You may look Japanese and maybe your passport even says you are Japanese, but if you grew up outside of Japan in your formative years then that 'input' (culture) is what you are, American and Texan more specifically. You cannot escape it and the first step to trying to adapt is to understand that and accept that yourself. Your big problem may be mostly that other people will not understand that considering how you look. What you need to do is create that third cultural space for yourself that you are comfortable in. You are 'in' Japan but you are 'of' Austin. That will never change, but you can to deal with it. It might be hard and frustrating at time but it can be very rewarding. Good luck.

I wish there were country bars here in Japan. I'm a HUGE country fan and my relatives back home in TX have relatives in Tennessee. My grandfather is the one that inspired and influenced me to listen to country music. Before he passed away, we would always chill on his porch, him smoking his cigar and polishing his army knife while listening to Johnny Cash and Randy Travis. He was a huge travis fan.

 

[Qong02]

I can see where you are coming from though my experiences are slightly different. All I can say is that experiences are experiences, embrace them and try to make meaning from them. Don't let what others say or act deter you from what you want to do, even your parents. But be like a sponge and absorb everything around. I foronly believe that things will work out one way or another. It is no use to sit there sulking because you don't like something, for example, if you don't like your job quit it and find something g better or take the time to enjoy life and what your environment has to offer (mongering aside).

I was f****ing miserable as an eikaiwa teacher so I finally resolved to quit it and enjoy Japan as best as I can for now ill search for jobs that better uses the degrees I have spent the time rerunning for now as the saying goes, life hands you lemons, make lemonade! Who knows maybe on my case I'll get a job opportunity from the most random sources.

 

[johnnyboy84]

Well, only you can know yourself. The people who judge negatively for just looking at you don't know the real you.

And home is where the heart is