Exactly when are they saying this to you?I think my problem is that I am not aggressive enough; some of my dates have actually made remarks about whether I am gay
Western style PDA is in general uncommon in public here. So move to a love hotel.Anyway, if kissing and touching is uncommon in public and especially on the first date anyway, what could make my dates think that I am gay.
If it goes as good as you think during, perhaps because instead of a goodbye, they expected you to invite them to a love hotel.I've been on 3 Tinder dates since starting this thread, all of them went great: we laughed a lot, there was touching from both sides and definitely attraction. Yet, none of the girls wanted to go on a second date with me. They just stopped responding to my texts. I clearly must be missing something, I just don't understand what it is. All 3 dates were short (2-3 hours) and to the point, only 1-2 locations each. What I noticed is that all the good byes felt really awkward - is it not common to hug each other for a good bye in Japan?
It happened at the end of the dates.Exactly when are they saying this to you?
I don't know what PDA means (not a native speaker), but I guess you're right.Western style PDA is in general uncommon in public here. So move to a love hotel.
Probably. I just went for it yesterday night and got turned down. But she seemed to expect that question. Probably more about timing and how I said it, plus we didn't really click emotionally.If it goes as good as you think during, perhaps because instead of a goodbye, they expected you to invite them to a love hotel.
It happened at the end of the dates.
I don't know what PDA means (not a native speaker), but I guess you're right.
Probably. I just went for it yesterday night and got turned down. But she seemed to expect that question. Probably more about timing and how I said it, plus we didn't really click emotionally.
What's a good time to ask? Immediately after Dinner/Bar? Just as casually as inviting her to the next bar? Still feels awkward to never bring up sex before and then just straight out asking that.
What's a good time to ask? Immediately after Dinner/Bar? Just as casually as inviting her to the next bar? Still feels awkward to never bring up sex before and then just straight out asking that.
Hey you already have a wingman like that ! (who even went as far as writing here he would refrain from encounters with the fair sex for a while )I'd offer to be a wingman, but I might end up taking both girls for my enjoyment. This of course would leave the OP blue balled...
About your question, the best moment to talk about love hotels is when you guys are a bit drunk and you lost the last train.
The second best moment is after you have been making out in a bar.
After two more dates last weekend, I am now too broke to go on any more dates until the end of the month. Overall, except for maybe 2 or 3, I felt most of the dates were fun, even when at times there wasn't much chemistry between us, we always laughed a lot and the girls were comfortable opening up to me. But then, I feel like I somehow don't meet the girls expectations of what's supposed to happen during/ towards the end of our date. I just can't figure out what it is. Honestly, I have a really hard time imagining what other people do on first dates.
I tried getting more physical in the last two weeks, but that didn't really change much. Maybe cause most of the time I don't really know what I am doing lol. In retrospect, I am worried that maybe some girls just followed along in order to not make things awkward rather than because they were into it. Japanese girls are so good at being friendly, I have a hard time figuring out if they actually enjoy something or if they just follow along out of politeness.
I have a hunch my dates expect me to be dominant/assertive since I am a foreigner, when I am really not at all. I feel like this is a common stereotype here in Japan? Could that be? Well I guess the biggest turn off is probably that I am so fucking inexperienced lol
Would it be wisest to schedule dates on weekends then? Usually my dates end before the last train cause we meet on weekdays. I usually prefer to hang out with friends on weekends. My dream date would be after work dinner, bar, hotel (and possibly last train home). Is that an unrealistic plan?
So making out in public is a thing?
Sorry oLUXo, my ego is too fragile to deal with that potential outcome
I firmly believe that this is excellent advice.Young couples make out anywhere nowadays. I see young couples kissing everywhere. Your best best is a Friday or Saturday night since most don't work the following day. Also, don't be a clock watcher on the date. Never even pull out your phone. Also, try to focus on one girl and try to get to know her. Make lots of eye contact. Women can tell where you are looking so focus on her eyes. Make small gestures lightly touching her hand or shoulder. Don't stay at one venue too long. Change the place so it doesn't get boring. For example, have dinner and 1 drink and suggest moving to a bar. Have 2 drinks and talk not rushed and move to another bar. By this time, after the 3rd place, last train will probably be ending soon so just enjoy the last bar and then go to love hotel after.
Young couples make out anywhere nowadays. I see young couples kissing everywhere. Your best best is a Friday or Saturday night since most don't work the following day. Also, don't be a clock watcher on the date. Never even pull out your phone. Also, try to focus on one girl and try to get to know her. Make lots of eye contact. Women can tell where you are looking so focus on her eyes. Make small gestures lightly touching her hand or shoulder. Don't stay at one venue too long. Change the place so it doesn't get boring. For example, have dinner and 1 drink and suggest moving to a bar. Have 2 drinks and talk not rushed and move to another bar. By this time, after the 3rd place, last train will probably be ending soon so just enjoy the last bar and then go to love hotel after.
Just start your dates later at night.
Better yet if you are clubbing with friends over the weekend start your date with that.
MagicZebra it's good and brave that you reach out. A couple years ago I was in my quantitive phase and had over 1000 tinder matches and a CRM system to do over 80 dates in 2 months, of which a part in Europe and a part in Japan. My maximum amount of dates in one day was 5. I was very inexperienced when I started (a total otaku) and became to master the Tinder -> Date -> Sex algorithm quite well. I did it all, expensive wining and dining to just have a free coffee at the supermarket. In the end I married a Japanese Tinder date (and yes Japanese wives are indeed expensive, think at least 2000 USD / month or something). I can help you and if you want I will help you. But not online, that just doesn't work.
Thanks so much, that sounds like very applicable advice. I guess I should pick the bars beforehand? Is it important to only keep to light touching and not go for more? I am kind of worried about having more than 1 or 2 drinks, I don't want to be drunk. Usually, girls don't want to drink more than that, either?
I’m a guy, but I think this is the exact approach to take.I have the opposite problem.
No connects on tinder. ( Unless it's for a scam)
But if I do meet someone in the flesh, the ratio of ending up on my bed is decent
My theory:
Girls categorize guys as one of 2 types:
- Fling material, or
- husband material
Fling material carries the bad boy image. Good looking. Sexy. Callous. Not too sensitive. Confident. A bit brash. Takes the lead. Etc etc.
Husband material is the guy that carries the image of a good person. Sincere, loving, caring, soft spoken, career oriented, polite. Etc.
If the girl is looking for a fling, and you are presenting a husband material; nice guy image, it won't go far.
( And vice versa if she's looking for a long term relationship, you can't get far with the bad boy image )
So play to you audience.
I wonder what the ladies here think of my theory ?
If the girl is looking for a fling, and you are presenting a husband material; nice guy image, it won't go far.
( And vice versa if she's looking for a long term relationship, you can't get far with the bad boy image )
And none of your advice has anything to do with Japan or Japanese people. No idea why you feel the need to troll around here, since you're not in Japan and as far as we can tell never have been.It really depends on the date. If your dates have been relaxed evenings drinking wine and discussing art, then shoving your tongue down her throat and groping her melons isn't going to win you points.
You need to wait for the green light.
Here are some of the signs:
Throughout each date, you should be gauging her comfort level with you. Also, you should be gauging your comfort level with her. If you genuinely feel comfortable with her, she is most likely feeling comfortable with you.
- Her constant smiling.
- Her constant laughing with you.
- Her constant agreeing with what you say.
- Her constant mimicking your body language.
- Her constant commenting on how much she likes hanging out with you.
As long as she is comfortable with you, anything will work so don't overanalyze everything. Why? Because you've already established her trust, and trust with women is golden. It isn't the kiss close 'mechanics' that will determine your success; it is her trust and comfort level that will.
What Warutaba said is good advice aswell. Split your dates in two. The first date is a cheap coffee date in the morning followed by an optional walk in the park if you really like her. Shouldn't be longer than 30min. You don't want to drag out your first date. You want to end it right when she is having fun. So she will remember the fun time with you the rest of the day and possibly longer than that. Good thing about splitting the dates is a lot of women (and men too) don't look like the picture so if there's no connection you haven't wasted an entire evening and money on dinner.
Goodluck.
And none of your advice has anything to do with Japan or Japanese people. No idea why you feel the need to troll around here, since you're not in Japan and as far as we can tell never have been.
You couldn't be more wrong
I would love to do thatUh huh. Go stick your finger in a dike.