I'm an American guy, 49, average looks, "dad bod" in a mostly sexless marriage (big surprise). I've been in Japan for about 19 years, but working in expat situations with no real opportunities to speak Japanese. I studied for a few years and have about a low, intermediate level. I can communicate everyday things, directions, order lunch or dinner, book reservations at hotels and restaurants and chit-chat about basic things. I've had a relationship in the past with a woman who didn't speak English (communicating only in Japanese) but she really liked me and did eventually complain that we couldn't really "share our real feelings". Things worked better with another woman who spoke some English and between the two of us, we did OK.
I don't have the personality type to do the PUA thing - it doesn't work for me at all. I'm shy and socially awkward and never managed to pick up anyone in any public setting. I'm just mentioning this to give some idea of what I have to work with. Also, I can't be out every night - the vast amount of time I would have to spend attempting pick ups, not to mention the fact that I look ridiculous in a club at my age, means searching for someone at night spots is just not possible and would bring trouble at home.
My Japanese level is what it is. I have enough time and money to either 1) pursue some fun or 2) study Japanese, but not both. I can probably compose an introductory message in Japanese, but to make it even halfway decent would take me about 5 hours and a lot of reference materials/web sites. I can probably trim that down to 2- 3 hours a message after I have a pool of sentences and phrases to copy from and re-use, but it's always going to sound kind of like a bright elementary school student (just being realistic here). I wouldn't even try translation software - that just results in garbage.
I saw the excellent write up by Iron Giant about his experiences with Ashley Madison, and it seems to me that he had about "average" difficulty with it - about the same as normal, in-your-own-language online dating. But his Japanese level was very fluent and he could carry on conversations at a high level (and relate well). I don't want to attempt Ashley Madison if it would be much more difficult than that.
My contract in Japan is about 2 more years, so studying Japanese to a much higher level or developing PUA skills are not a realistic possibility. And I can't spend more than about $700 USD a month for "fun" without causing problems at home. I'm looking for a decent looking, slim woman, 28 - 48, preferably in the same situation I'm in (looking for a little extra fun on the side) for a long-term NSA/sexfriend relationship with some passion and kinkyness (yes, I know, aren't we all? LOL)
My question to the more experienced forum members (especially those who speak Japanese well) - 1) Would I be wasting my time trying to get something going on Ashley Madison? The site appears to have the exact women I'm looking for, but I don't want to waste a year of my limited time with painfully crafted messages that get no responses. There is exactly 1 (yes, ONE) profile in English - all the rest are Japanese. And would I just be setting myself up for failure when we meet and I can only stumble through a basic conversation in Japanese? Should I just blunder ahead in English and hope that my experience in Japan and being honest and clear is enough? I've been able to get a few things going in dating in the past this way (but with a LOT of failure along the way). Would trying in English be a waste of time? Or 2) P4P is OK, but I'm looking to establish a long-term, on-going relationship so we can explore some new things, experiment and get much kinkier (ie. soft BDSM and role-playing that P4P providers won't do). Should I be focusing my limited time and money on something more like Universe Club - ie. developing a "sugar baby" type thing and spend my time and money finding a good match on there?
I'll consider all opinions - go ahead and be brutally honest here. But I'm looking for constructive advice more than criticism.
Thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to reply and a lot of thanks to those like Iron Giant who have shared their experiences here. Much appreciated.
Nawadude
I don't have the personality type to do the PUA thing - it doesn't work for me at all. I'm shy and socially awkward and never managed to pick up anyone in any public setting. I'm just mentioning this to give some idea of what I have to work with. Also, I can't be out every night - the vast amount of time I would have to spend attempting pick ups, not to mention the fact that I look ridiculous in a club at my age, means searching for someone at night spots is just not possible and would bring trouble at home.
My Japanese level is what it is. I have enough time and money to either 1) pursue some fun or 2) study Japanese, but not both. I can probably compose an introductory message in Japanese, but to make it even halfway decent would take me about 5 hours and a lot of reference materials/web sites. I can probably trim that down to 2- 3 hours a message after I have a pool of sentences and phrases to copy from and re-use, but it's always going to sound kind of like a bright elementary school student (just being realistic here). I wouldn't even try translation software - that just results in garbage.
I saw the excellent write up by Iron Giant about his experiences with Ashley Madison, and it seems to me that he had about "average" difficulty with it - about the same as normal, in-your-own-language online dating. But his Japanese level was very fluent and he could carry on conversations at a high level (and relate well). I don't want to attempt Ashley Madison if it would be much more difficult than that.
My contract in Japan is about 2 more years, so studying Japanese to a much higher level or developing PUA skills are not a realistic possibility. And I can't spend more than about $700 USD a month for "fun" without causing problems at home. I'm looking for a decent looking, slim woman, 28 - 48, preferably in the same situation I'm in (looking for a little extra fun on the side) for a long-term NSA/sexfriend relationship with some passion and kinkyness (yes, I know, aren't we all? LOL)
My question to the more experienced forum members (especially those who speak Japanese well) - 1) Would I be wasting my time trying to get something going on Ashley Madison? The site appears to have the exact women I'm looking for, but I don't want to waste a year of my limited time with painfully crafted messages that get no responses. There is exactly 1 (yes, ONE) profile in English - all the rest are Japanese. And would I just be setting myself up for failure when we meet and I can only stumble through a basic conversation in Japanese? Should I just blunder ahead in English and hope that my experience in Japan and being honest and clear is enough? I've been able to get a few things going in dating in the past this way (but with a LOT of failure along the way). Would trying in English be a waste of time? Or 2) P4P is OK, but I'm looking to establish a long-term, on-going relationship so we can explore some new things, experiment and get much kinkier (ie. soft BDSM and role-playing that P4P providers won't do). Should I be focusing my limited time and money on something more like Universe Club - ie. developing a "sugar baby" type thing and spend my time and money finding a good match on there?
I'll consider all opinions - go ahead and be brutally honest here. But I'm looking for constructive advice more than criticism.
Thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to reply and a lot of thanks to those like Iron Giant who have shared their experiences here. Much appreciated.
Nawadude