John Chavers
By Jove, you couldn't make this shit up
- Joined
- May 23, 2013
- Messages
- 1,417
- Reaction score
- 1,512
But you could expect no less from Ashley Madison as a fraud based site. The scam route really wasn't necessary. Probably pissed off one hacker too many, who then decided to peel their website.A little more information:
http://krebsonsecurity.com/2015/07/online-cheating-site-ashleymadison-hacked/#more-31650
This is supposedly the reason for the hack. Rather naughty of ALM....
I'm an American guy, 49, average looks, "dad bod" in a mostly sexless marriage (big surprise). I've been in Japan for about 19 years, but working in expat situations with no real opportunities to speak Japanese. I studied for a few years and have about a low, intermediate level. I can communicate everyday things, directions, order lunch or dinner, book reservations at hotels and restaurants and chit-chat about basic things. I've had a relationship in the past with a woman who didn't speak English (communicating only in Japanese) but she really liked me and did eventually complain that we couldn't really "share our real feelings". Things worked better with another woman who spoke some English and between the two of us, we did OK.
I don't have the personality type to do the PUA thing - it doesn't work for me at all. I'm shy and socially awkward and never managed to pick up anyone in any public setting. I'm just mentioning this to give some idea of what I have to work with. Also, I can't be out every night - the vast amount of time I would have to spend attempting pick ups, not to mention the fact that I look ridiculous in a club at my age, means searching for someone at night spots is just not possible and would bring trouble at home.
My Japanese level is what it is. I have enough time and money to either 1) pursue some fun or 2) study Japanese, but not both. I can probably compose an introductory message in Japanese, but to make it even halfway decent would take me about 5 hours and a lot of reference materials/web sites. I can probably trim that down to 2- 3 hours a message after I have a pool of sentences and phrases to copy from and re-use, but it's always going to sound kind of like a bright elementary school student (just being realistic here). I wouldn't even try translation software - that just results in garbage.
I saw the excellent write up by Iron Giant about his experiences with Ashley Madison, and it seems to me that he had about "average" difficulty with it - about the same as normal, in-your-own-language online dating. But his Japanese level was very fluent and he could carry on conversations at a high level (and relate well). I don't want to attempt Ashley Madison if it would be much more difficult than that.
My contract in Japan is about 2 more years, so studying Japanese to a much higher level or developing PUA skills are not a realistic possibility. And I can't spend more than about $700 USD a month for "fun" without causing problems at home. I'm looking for a decent looking, slim woman, 28 - 48, preferably in the same situation I'm in (looking for a little extra fun on the side) for a long-term NSA/sexfriend relationship with some passion and kinkyness (yes, I know, aren't we all? LOL)
My question to the more experienced forum members (especially those who speak Japanese well) - 1) Would I be wasting my time trying to get something going on Ashley Madison? The site appears to have the exact women I'm looking for, but I don't want to waste a year of my limited time with painfully crafted messages that get no responses. There is exactly 1 (yes, ONE) profile in English - all the rest are Japanese. And would I just be setting myself up for failure when we meet and I can only stumble through a basic conversation in Japanese? Should I just blunder ahead in English and hope that my experience in Japan and being honest and clear is enough? I've been able to get a few things going in dating in the past this way (but with a LOT of failure along the way). Would trying in English be a waste of time? Or 2) P4P is OK, but I'm looking to establish a long-term, on-going relationship so we can explore some new things, experiment and get much kinkier (ie. soft BDSM and role-playing that P4P providers won't do). Should I be focusing my limited time and money on something more like Universe Club - ie. developing a "sugar baby" type thing and spend my time and money finding a good match on there?
I'll consider all opinions - go ahead and be brutally honest here. But I'm looking for constructive advice more than criticism.
Thanks in advance to everyone who takes the time to reply and a lot of thanks to those like Iron Giant who have shared their experiences here. Much appreciated.
Nawadude
Can I like this a 2nd time please?1) Ashley Madison is nothing special, other than trying to offer married women, who don't care if you are married.
And they fucked that up by being scammers, greedy, and fraud. They had a golden idea, but failed at executing it properly.
2) Other dating sites better
Plenty Of Fish, Okcupid, Japan Cupid, Match, AdultFriendFinder, Tinder, etc…
They have real women and can get you dates. Hell, you could put up a language exchange/friendship ad on Metropolis and do as well as Ashley Madison.
3) PUA is about CONVERSATIONS with women
When a guy says he can't do PUA with women, it's like saying he can't talk to women. This means that such a guy would fail on dates too. At 49, get over the fear of rejection or egotistically thinking you must have a 100% success rate. You will strikeout, but if you keep at it and learn to present yourself in a friendly conversational manner, you can be successful too.
4) English Can Be Enough
Many Japanese women are learning or can speak some English. Use the little Japanese that you do know, and speak slow and clear English. Focus also on reading faces and body language too, which is actually 50% of communication.
You can be successful with that, you just have to apply yourself and not worry about striking out.
5) Women Good At Sex or Kinky
You are correct that P4P won't usually be the long-term answer. It's geared more to taking your money for a short thrill, giving you a "new face" for sex, and very shallow or superficial emotional connections (with lots of faking and acting). And the women are more likely not to really like you or not even like sex, just the money.
Sugarbaby, dating sites, and PUA might help you find such a woman. The Universe Club might help you screen for such a woman, though it might get very expensive. You can screen potential women yourself at the popular sugarbaby site- https://www.seekingarrangement.com/, at AdiltFriendFinder, or Fetlife ( https://fetlife.com/ )
You have to realize that women actually good at sex, into BDSM, and will be into you are the minority. It will be search, unless you are lucky or highly skillful. Which is why PUA is also a useful tool, to help in such a quest.
Is this the so-called Sakura that people are talking about?
I would imagine the sakura are the young single ones (If I am understanding that Sakura means P4P ladies?)
Sakura were originally couple that were hired by dance halls to go out and dance on the floor to break the ice and encourage others to get out and shuffle their feet.
These days, it's any kind of phony employee used to bait punters into spending more money, usually in the pseudo-sex industry or in pay-per-message personals. Deai cafes are one good example - usually about half or more of the girls in a deai cafe will be sakura - paid a thousand or fifteen hundred yen an hour to be there and chat with guys but not let it go anywhere. A lot of pay-per-message online personals sites employ sakura to run up the men's bills chatting with a pretty girl who's always up to talk but never down to meet.
A girl who vanishes? More likely she heard about the hack and blitzed her account.
A girl who vanishes? More likely she heard about the hack and blitzed her account.
I`m not so worried about the hack. There are over 37 million members worldwide. I`m not sure anyone can even find you were they to leak it all. The New York Times is not going to publish it. Myself.
I have never bothered to go to the Anonymous site to read what they have hacked. When Sony got hacked. I didn`t try to find their information. I think this will hurt Ashley Madison.
It won`t hurt people like me. There are too many - 37 million. Like the lottery.
95% of Ashley Madison profiles were male.
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SA?Fwiiw I know a stunning professional model who met and did a few guys, maybe only two, via AM...so it wasn't/isn't a completely dry well, but by all accounts it is very very low yield. And no, I did not meet her by the AM route.
-Ww
The hackers who posted the data stated many of the female profiles were fake and it was 90% to 95% male accounts.70 percent according to the website I looked at...
Heard from some IT guys that it was an inside job.
A disgruntled IT guy set up a backdoor, left the company and then came back to hack. Could be rumor though.
I`ve read that too. So why is it so difficult to arrest this person I wonder?Heard from some IT guys that it was an inside job.
A disgruntled IT guy set up a backdoor, left the company and then came back to hack. Could be rumor though.