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Break-up Gift and Break-up dinner

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Asylm57

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In a nutshell, been dating this girl for 2 years. Last month, I went back to my home country for about a week due to a family emergency. When I returned to Japan, this girl disappeared, did not reply to my texts, phone calls, etc... after 3 weeks, she sends me an email stating that she decided to break-up with me while I was in my home country and to forget about her. I told her that was cold, and that she should have told me face-face, so she decided...we should meet up for the last time, go have an expensive last dinner, buy each other an expensive last gift, and end it....WTF lol ???? Is this normal out here in Japan? Is this girl crazy? What do you think? What would you do in my position?
 
Is there something else you are not telling us? Are you married or have others on the side? Ignoring the gifts and dinner, it’s unusual for anyone to break up a 2 year relationship when the other is out of the country.
 
I say fuck it dude. It all seems like shes just using you for one last expensive meal and a gift exchange where your gift will probably outvalue hers. Sometimes closure isnt that important. If you really wanna have a closure session take her to a cheap/moderate resto and then bang her brains out later in a seedy love hotel and be done with it.

Im sorry if i did not provide any insights.. however japanese girls have been known to all of a sudden go ghost mode. dont take it personally. It is possible she was seeing someone else all this time and hid that aspect of that life. You would be surprised how good they can be at concealing various major things in their lives....
 
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Asylm57 said:
Is this normal out here in Japan?
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No. And I mean the part where she gets back to you and suggests a final meeting. It is a normal way to break up by just ghosting you like she did first.

The other questions about her and her mental illnesses we cannot answer. You should know best as you are the one who has been dating her for two years.
 
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I don't agree with Mike.
While it is relatively normal for japanese girls to ghost out of a 1~3 months long relationship, it isn't customary to do so for breaking up a more serious relationship.
I don't say it will never happen, but it seems more rare in my opinion.
 
Mr Cat said:
I don't agree with Mike.
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That's OK. You have the right to be wrong. :p

it isn't customary to do so for breaking up a more serious relationship.
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There was no indication that it was a serious relationship; at least it seems obvious she didn't think it was.
 
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I being old have experienced this! Damn it’s cold and it’s a good thing. Let’s just say you might get the best break up sex you’ve ever had, at keast that’s what happened to me. Thinking nothing much would change, I got up went to work. I returned and when I entered the house all of her stuff was gone and her new foreign import wasngone. She didn’t even say good bye and I didn’t know where she was. Five months later like in he Tom Selleck series, Jesse Stone, I Inget a call where the number is blocked and that went on for another few months until nothing. Japanese thing I guess!
 
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Why expensive dinner and gifts ? If she broke up with you then she broke up with you... regardless of how and irrespective of your geographical location. Take the money you would use for the "last supper" and take a new girl out and start fresh... why prolong the inevitable.... you have just enough time to get a couple dates before the X-mas rush... I know a 2 yr "relationship" is a while, but in the grand scheme of things... it's not that long, unless you were seeing each other every day of the week. Unless you want some kind of closure or revenge sex or ......... I say move on and forward... why take 2 steps backwards... Just my opinion...
 
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BB0523 said:
Why expensive dinner and gifts ? If she broke up with you then she broke up with you... regardless of how and irrespective of your geographical location. Take the money you would use for the "last supper" and take a new girl out and start fresh... why prolong the inevitable.... you have just enough time to get a couple dates before the X-mas rush... I know a 2 yr "relationship" is a while, but in the grand scheme of things... it's not that long, unless you were seeing each other every day of the week. Unless you want some kind of closure or revenge sex or ......... I say move on and forward... why take 2 steps backwards... Just my opinion...
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To release the passion!
 
Since I’ve had this happen, I can say it’s nothing to really worry about or lose sleep over. You could either get her back or lose her forever, but such is life.
 
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well, you did say you wanted a face-to-face breakup... and I guess that's what she wants to give you! :love:

If she's not crazy, I wouldn't mind meeting again - then maybe things can end on a good note?
i'd take inspiration from the steakhouse thread, NY Grill at Park Hyatt seems like the place to do it.:hungry::D
 
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Mr Cat said:
If they were dating for 2 years one might assume they were in a serious relationship.
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One might be wrong then. :p Only if they were living together I would consider the 2 year thing automatically meaning serious relationship.

I have now dated four girls simultaneously anywhere from one year to three years. I am pretty sure all of them are totally capable of ghosting me whenever they don't feel like meeting up anymore.

Obviously I would rather take a sensible conversation about what changed, like I had with one girl whose family situation did not allow us meeting anymore, but certainly I prefer ghosting to any TV drama -inspired breakup too.
 
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Perhaps there were problems and she decided to run while she had the chance! But the present giving makes me thinks it was a businesslike relationship more than a passionate one.
 
That’s horrible.

I dated a Japanese guy for a few months and he ghosted on me out of nowhere.. blocked me on social media, messaging apps, everything.. just because he couldn’t tell me that he wanted to end our relationship. It was shocking, but I accepted it and moved on fairly quickly.

Ghosting or “silent breakups” seem to be common in Japan. Maybe because a lot of Japanese people are non-confrontational? I’ve wondered if Japanese people also find it rude when it happens to them..

I wouldn’t go on one last date. You already wasted 2 years of your life with that person.
 
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MissInsomnia said:
I wouldn’t go on one last date. You already wasted 2 years of your life with that person.
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I do agree with this. And I do understand the desire to go and find out why. I totally used to be like that and couldn't let go before I got given a reason for why the relationship was ending.

And I am pretty sure I got lied a lot too; people are just not very good at being honest for bad things. So after a while I realised getting the reasoning didn't actually help anything.

Now when a relationship ends I just feel sad by myself, consult a friend or Dr. Johnny Walker and get on with my life. The last thing I need is drama and big emotions, so even while I don't think ghosting is the best way it's also not the worst way to end.
 
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Nosophobia2017 said:
I being old have experienced this! Damn it’s cold and it’s a good thing. Let’s just say you might get the best break up sex you’ve ever had, at keast that’s what happened to me. Thinking nothing much would change, I got up went to work. I returned and when I entered the house all of her stuff was gone and her new foreign import wasngone. She didn’t even say good bye and I didn’t know where she was. Five months later like in he Tom Selleck series, Jesse Stone, I Inget a call where the number is blocked and that went on for another few months until nothing. Japanese thing I guess!
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Break-up sex can be a mutually rewarding way to end a relationship, but it depends on the mindset of each party. It has happened to me, too.
The first time, I was sure that the deed would serve as our one last memory. The problem was she wanted to make amends, repair what was broken and continue with the relationship. The result: drama and an even messier uncoupling.
A few years later, I was on the other side of the equation. I wanted to hold on and salvage our relationship after break-up sex. More drama followed. Getting my heart kicked to the curb was hard.
On a lighter note: I’m a big fan of Tom Selleck’s Jesse Stone TV movies. Great stuff.
 
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MikeH said:
I do agree with this. And I do understand the desire to go and find out why. I totally used to be like that and couldn't let go before I got given a reason for why the relationship was ending.

And I am pretty sure I got lied a lot too; people are just not very good at being honest for bad things. So after a while I realised getting the reasoning didn't actually help anything.

Now when a relationship ends I just feel sad by myself, consult a friend or Dr. Johnny Walker and get on with my life. The last thing I need is drama and big emotions, so even while I don't think ghosting is the best way it's also not the worst way to end.
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Wise words but for some reason I feel I'd rather the girl at least have the nerve to lie to me in person (or at least over the phone) about why we're breaking up instead of just ghosting me entirely. That way I can at least say "well, screw her then!" instead of worrying if something happened to her. But I know you can't always force a confrontation or that it's not always wise to do so.
 
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jhingy567 said:
well, you did say you wanted a face-to-face breakup... and I guess that's what she wants to give you! :love:

i'd take inspiration from the steakhouse thread, NY Grill at Park Hyatt seems like the place to do it.:hungry::D
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I'd take her there and bail on the check. I'd also shit in a box and wrap it up really nice and leave it on the floor next to her. I'm a sentimental guy.
 
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