Finding Sex Friends

[User#6326]

I personally have nice friends who do a lot more than just sex with me (more nintendo games than sex).

I just like to stand up for other women who are not looking for pushy FWB.
You guys mention keeping running into women who want something serious, so clearly a lot of women are the way i mention.
I said a lot, not all.

I have nothing against women who want a serious relationship, far from it

 

[Solong]

I just like to stand up for other women who are not looking for pushy FWB.
You guys mention keeping running into women who want something serious, so clearly a lot of women are the way i mention.
I said a lot, not all.

I understand what you are saying, but you can be falling into the White Knight trap. Thinking that they are rescuing women or believing anything a woman says, when in fact she is doing the opposite of her claims in private or doesn't need to be rescued at all because she's the one wrecking havoc and breaking hearts.

I find the concept of pushy FWB fascinating. In many cases the woman has her choice of several guys to choose from and play with, and that if someone who she thinks is beneath her asks/tries for sex, she is full of contempt and disdain. Can you believe that creepy/ugly/loser/poor/unpopular guy wanted sex? No way (nose in the air and flipping her hair), not my type. "Can't believe he even tried to ask me."

 

[User#8628]

I understand what you are saying, but you can be falling into the White Knight trap. Thinking that they are rescuing women or believing anything a woman says, when in fact she is doing the opposite of her claims in private or doesn't need to be rescued at all because she's the one wrecking havoc and breaking hearts.

I find the concept of pushy FWB fascinating. In many cases the woman has her choice of several guys to choose from and play with, and that if someone who she thinks is beneath her asks/tries for sex, she is full of contempt and disdain. Can you believe that creepy/ugly/loser/poor/unpopular guy wanted sex? No way (nose in the air and flipping her hair), not my type. "Can't believe he even tried to ask me."

Trying is always possible but sometimes someone is out of your league.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone who looks awesome and has girls all over him would turn me down and i would try once but if i felt he's not interested i avoid him like the plague not to hurt my own pride more.

Its annoying having people who are not your type trying all the time and if there are many guys interested a girl most likely already has her fill and is not looking.

You can always try, but i don't understand people who keep going on.
Life is not "the notebook", its not a matter of asking someone out until they say "yes".

 

[User#6326]

Trying is always possible but sometimes someone is out of your league.

I wouldn't be surprised if someone who looks awesome and has girls all over him would turn me down and i would try once but if i felt he's not interested i avoid him like the plague not to hurt my own pride more.

Its annoying having people who are not your type trying all the time and if there are many guys interested a girl most likely already has her fill and is not looking.

You can always try, but i don't understand people who keep going on.
Life is not "the notebook", its not a matter of asking someone out until they say "yes".

I wonder if perhaps FWB can only work if there is this "difference in league" .. If you are too good a match it's more dangerous from a emotional point of view I imagine

maybe same with platonic friendships too

Maybe that's why some women get insulted "not good enough to be your gf but good enough to fuck"

 

[Solong]

I wonder if perhaps FWB can only work if there is this "difference in league" .. If you are too good a match it's more dangerous from a emotional point of view I imagine

maybe same with platonic friendships too

Maybe that's why some women get insulted "not good enough to be your gf but good enough to fuck"

The funny thing is when the "shoe is on the other foot." It's all fun and games when rejecting and break the hearts of guys at will, and claiming how all these guys are not good enough or meet her standards. But suddenly the world has wronged them, when she finds out that he sees her as not good enough to be the girlfriend or wife, but good enough to fuck.

A lot of FWB, beside going after bad boys and adventure, is the woman trying to trap a guy out of her league with vagina. She's a bit chubby, older, poorer, less popular, not of that social class, etc... There's a saying that 80% of woman seek to be with just 20% of the men. A lot of women knowingly and unknowingly fucking the same guy(s). Thinking she playing him or beating the system, but he's playing her, they are playing each other, or father time beating them both.

 

[User#6326]

The funny thing is when the "shoe is on the other foot." It's all fun and games when rejecting and break the hearts of guys at will, and claiming how all these guys are not good enough or meet her standards. But suddenly the world has wronged them, when she finds out that he sees her as not good enough to be the girlfriend or wife, but good enough to fuck.

A lot of FWB, beside going after bad boys and adventure, is the woman trying to trap a guy out of her league with vagina. She's a bit chubby, older, poorer, less popular, not of that social class, etc... There's a saying that 80% of woman seek to be with just 20%. A lot of women knowingly and unknowingly fucking the same guy(s). Thinking she playing him or beating the system, but he's playing her, they are playing each other, or father time beating them both.

hmm.. I think many people are deluded about their value on the dating market

 

[Solong]

hmm.. I think many people are deluded about their value on the dating market

That, or trying to get over on or trick everybody. Like the photoshop or enhanced profile pics.

 

[Wwanderer]

I think you guys may be taking the title of this song a bit too literally!





-Ww

 

[User#6326]

it feels that way maybe I will just become a monk

 

[faboo2001]

Also try to improve your own looks by working out a lot and having a good haircut.

Yikes, well I'm screwed then.

 

[User#6517]

Just wondering.. what do you MEN want in an FWB..?

 

[Wwanderer]

Just wondering.. what do you MEN want in an FWB..?

Excellent question imo.

It no doubt varies a lot from one man to another, but in many cases guys seem to be after a free escort-experience, in other words they are looking much more for the "benefits" than for the "friendship" part. If they equally valued the "friendship" part, there would not be so much discontent with being in the "friend zone". Right?

It is all rather cloudy because the terms in play here mean different things to different people; even just what a "friend" is, regardless of gender or any sexual aspect, is something different people see very differently. And even the same person uses such words to mean different things at different times.

Personally I try to avoid labeling my relationships or sticking them into preconceived boxes, especially in my own mind...even if it is necessary to use common terms sometimes in casual conversations. So, I have no answer for myself; I don't have a mental category called FWB which I am trying to fill.

-Ww

 

[faboo2001]

Just wondering.. what do you MEN want in an FWB..?

Hmmm tough to answer since I've never been in that situation nor have I looked for one.

But I think basically it would be someone who I'd be able hang out with and is open to the idea that screwing around is just a fun activity the both of you can do without it meaning anything. Of course the "danger" is that the friendship you form or the physical connection may make either partner wanting more later down the road. That isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I guess since most people looking for a FWB aren't looking for a relationship that it wouldn't be ideal.

 

[Sudsy]

If they like each other, all fine.
People have different taste of liking for both looks and character.

But if nobody is into you, then revaluate yourself.
You think women owe you a sexfriendship but you dont owe the women who were interested in you as a BF a relationship?
The more pushy and arelaxed a guy is, the less attractive it makes him.

I would go a little further - if you think people "owe" you something on an emotional/sexual level, then you are quite likely a narcissistic asshole.

 

[Wwanderer]

C

I would go a little further - if you think people "owe" you something on an emotional/sexual level, then you are quite likely a narcissistic asshole.

Nominated for Clarity In Posting of the Month Award.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

Put differently, a guy who isn't hot should NOT expect to have casual sex for free with hot women

I pretty violently disagree with this.. And either would say..

Nobody should EXPECT to have casual sex for free.
AND/OR
Everybody can have casual sex (often with very hot women!), provided they work on themselves in the right way to make themselves attractive.

I would add, "unless he has something else to offer, such as a scintillating wit or killer sense of humour."

Yes, agreed. He needs something, not necessarily good looks or money.

But if nobody is into you, then revaluate yourself.
You think women owe you a sexfriendship but you dont owe the women who were interested in you as a BF a relationship?
The more pushy and arelaxed a guy is, the less attractive it makes him.

Great advice!

I would go a little further - if you think people "owe" you something on an emotional/sexual level, then you are quite likely a narcissistic asshole.

Very much so.. Agree 100%

 

[User#6326]

"sex for free" .. Sex is enjoyable / valuable for both parties right?.. Right?

play nintendo, fuck, more nintendo.. That's the dream!

 

[namae]

Just wondering.. what do you MEN want in an FWB..?

Sex + Friend = Sex Friend

Sex: Someone who really enjoys the physical side of sex.... Someone who sees sex as fun. Someone who is comfortable with their body, spontaneous, naughty, kinky, adventurous, an explorer.....someone who is generous, but importantly, does things in the bedroom ( or elsewhere ) that she really wants to do .... ...rather than performing a BJ because she feels some obligation/duty or because it is part of deal ( ..as one example).

Friend: Smart, Funny, Fun, Sane, Sensible, Clean, Easygoing, Drama - free. Has a life in which I am one private compact little part.

 

[Solong]

I would go a little further - if you think people "owe" you something on an emotional/sexual level, then you are quite likely a narcissistic asshole.

The issue about this point, is why is it that when turned around and directed at women, some consider it a problem? Note- I know you said "people", but making the point of if the statement was sex specific. AliceWonderland's statement was sex specific.

If you say women don't owe men anything on a emotional/sexual level, there is arguably feminist applause.

If you say men don't owe women anything on a emotional/sexual level, it's suddenly misogynistic or White Knights start rattling swords.

 

[Sudsy]

If you say women don't owe men anything on a emotional/sexual level, there is arguably feminist applause.

If you say men don't owe women anything on a emotional/sexual level, it's suddenly misogynistic or White Knights start rattling swords.

I say nobody owes anybody anything on an emotional/sexual level, and expecting that they do is a sign of a damaged psyche.

 

[Solong]

Excellent question imo.

It no doubt varies a lot from one man to another, but in many cases guys seem to be after a free escort-experience, in other words they are looking much more for the "benefits" than for the "friendship" part. If they equally valued the "friendship" part, there would not be so much discontent with being in the "friend zone". Right?

An issue I see here, is the distorted view of men "must" pay for sex, because of the way that "free escort experience" was used. It sounds almost as if men are trying to cheat women out of money if they want casual sex or that all/most women are prostitutes to be bought.

Paying directly for sex, and prostitution, is what is more socially unusual. Most casual sexual relationships don't involve the exchange of money. There is also the argument that some men might feel compelled or have no choice but to pay, because they don't know how to establish non-paying sexual or normal relationships with women.

There also appears to be a double-standard at work. I doubt you would say that a woman who wanted to enjoy casual sex with a man, is trying to get over on him and cheat him out of money by not paying for use of his penis. So why is FWB or free casual sex being seen as a special privilege of which women are entitled to, but there is something wrong if men want it too?

Sex-Friend VS Friend-Zoned

Many guys get friend-zoned because they fail to or don't know how to establish sexual interest or make their sexual intentions known early in the relationship. Consequently, a lot of women see such men for their value as a utility/tool that serves other purposes.

If a guy doesn't want to be treated as only a friend, then he should debatably make that clear early on and not accept being friend-zoned. In many cases, the guy being trapped in a category he doesn't want, is due to his high number of insecurities, social anxiety disorders, fear of rejection, and cowardice. It's often those guys that have less of or overcome such issues or beta male characteristics that are more successful at establishing the kinds of relationships they actually want.

 

[User#8628]

Yikes, well I'm screwed then.

No, no. That's exactly the look you should go for!

 

[Wwanderer]

The issue about this point, is why is it that when turned around and directed at women, some consider it a problem? Note- I know you said "people", but making the point of if the statement was sex specific. AliceWonderland's statement was sex specific.

Fwiiw, that is not "the issue" I was discussing nor the/a major topic of this thread as far as I understand it in general or of @Sudsy 's specific post.

-Ww

 

[faboo2001]

No, no. That's exactly the look you should go for!

Hmmm well I do have like about half a year before I actually visit Japan....

.....Actually I'd probably go insane if I attempt it! My hair poofs out when I let it grow (almost like an afro) and the amount of time and effort to maintain that hairdo would irritate the hell out of me.

 

[TheScientist]

Just wondering.. what do you MEN want in an FWB..?

Mostly to get in the FWB, as deep in as possible