Going On A Date.. Who Pays? What Is Normal
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Wwanderer
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Serenity Now
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Been discussed a bit on the forum.
Guess it depends on the situation. If I asked her out for dinner I would be prepared to pay.
Also maybe depends on her situation with work etc. and the cost. Can she afford it.
Of course it could also set the wrong expectation for future dinners.
Sorry, not so decisive.
Guess it depends on the situation. If I asked her out for dinner I would be prepared to pay.
Also maybe depends on her situation with work etc. and the cost. Can she afford it.
Of course it could also set the wrong expectation for future dinners.
Sorry, not so decisive.
SpookySmoothie
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I think if you asked her out you should cover the bill especially if it is a particularly nice place that is expensive. Maybe if you become more friendly and familiar with her you can discuss splitting but personally unless they are a friend or something and they offer to split if I invite them somewhere I generally expect to treat them.
She ate a load, drank a load, didn't seem particularly interested in me and did it whilst looking absolutely gorgeous.. The cow!
Hamerare
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You sound like you're becoming a Super Nanpa Bro
It's a good sign on first date when a girl especially a J girl eats a lotta chow. I wouldn't want to be with a girl who couldn't or didn't drink
Second d8 is key. If you can pull it off I'd say you got very good chance of a relationship.
My first year in Japan was a disaster on that score. But looking back on it, it was because I was mainly dating girls who couldn't understand English and overloading them with chat. Things improved when I learnt Japanese which of course never happened overnight. Some of the English speaking Just girls I dated were so obnoxious that I seriously thought of bailing when I went to take a leak but common decency prevented me. I wish I had though
First date I have always paid. Next time you can broach subject of splitting the check if your incomes are similar. If she don't like, it means she is a freeloader so you should offload
It's a good sign on first date when a girl especially a J girl eats a lotta chow. I wouldn't want to be with a girl who couldn't or didn't drink
Second d8 is key. If you can pull it off I'd say you got very good chance of a relationship.
My first year in Japan was a disaster on that score. But looking back on it, it was because I was mainly dating girls who couldn't understand English and overloading them with chat. Things improved when I learnt Japanese which of course never happened overnight. Some of the English speaking Just girls I dated were so obnoxious that I seriously thought of bailing when I went to take a leak but common decency prevented me. I wish I had though
First date I have always paid. Next time you can broach subject of splitting the check if your incomes are similar. If she don't like, it means she is a freeloader so you should offload
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thanks akb
this date came about from her looking and smiling at me, not me loitering and using psychology (not that i judge that, to each their own). it was a little painful actually as i thought she was interested.. i doubt there will be a second date.. i am a bit angry at the "not willing to make an effort but happy to stuff my face and drink a load on your dime" approach.. another learning experience and more pleasure/pain unfortunately. i dont regret it though, she was stunning and i treated her as a lady
this date came about from her looking and smiling at me, not me loitering and using psychology (not that i judge that, to each their own). it was a little painful actually as i thought she was interested.. i doubt there will be a second date.. i am a bit angry at the "not willing to make an effort but happy to stuff my face and drink a load on your dime" approach.. another learning experience and more pleasure/pain unfortunately. i dont regret it though, she was stunning and i treated her as a lady
just4fun
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I'd ask her out again and if you get the same treatment......go take a pee.......
i will wait and see what she says, but i honestly dont think she is interested, the language gap is quite large and also she is eight years younger than me
not sure what you mean go take a pee!?
NormalGuy
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Take a piss.
And unless you are younger than 26, don't let an 8 year gap mean anything, J Girls do like older men.
And unless you are younger than 26, don't let an 8 year gap mean anything, J Girls do like older men.
thanks for the advice guys, we shall see. if nothing else i discovered a great new resteraunt and spent some quality time with a beautiful young woman... there are worse ways to spend an evening!
Wwanderer
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Hamerare
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@ danthrope
She sounds like a hostess gorging out before work but you know better than the rest of us
10 bucks and a nut says she told you she was a student
I'm guessing izakaya here
What kind of restaurant was it?
Gap between me and my wonderful wifey is only 18 years. Between Fat Man Eric and his wife is 25 years. She's weird but not unattractive
She sounds like a hostess gorging out before work but you know better than the rest of us
10 bucks and a nut says she told you she was a student
I'm guessing izakaya here
What kind of restaurant was it?
Gap between me and my wonderful wifey is only 18 years. Between Fat Man Eric and his wife is 25 years. She's weird but not unattractive
The age gap is not an issue for me but I think it might be for her.. I don't know.. Honestly right from the start she seemed cold.. So not sure why she wanted to date me tbh.. If she wasn't interested we should have just finished early but whenever I asked if she wanted more drinks or desert etc she always said yes..
She told me she works in a cafe.. She told me which cafe and showed me about it etc so I think she was telling the truth.. Idk.. Bit confused and feeling Lonely and old (even though I am not).. Bah! We still had a good time, I made her smile and laugh plenty of times.. Oh well
She told me she works in a cafe.. She told me which cafe and showed me about it etc so I think she was telling the truth.. Idk.. Bit confused and feeling Lonely and old (even though I am not).. Bah! We still had a good time, I made her smile and laugh plenty of times.. Oh well
Hamerare
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It depends whether she lives alone or not
If she works in a cafe she probably gets 800 yen an hour and therefore has to live at home
She obviously enjoyed the date too. Wait a few days then invite her out again. Suggest a gaijin pub which does foreign beer and authentic gaijin food my best two
Hobgoblin Shibuya
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If she works in a cafe she probably gets 800 yen an hour and therefore has to live at home
She obviously enjoyed the date too. Wait a few days then invite her out again. Suggest a gaijin pub which does foreign beer and authentic gaijin food my best two
Hobgoblin Shibuya
Baden Baden Yurakucho
Hamerare
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In Japanese " apato" is not apartment but one or two small rooms in a usually old wooden building. You're talking 40,000 rent per month. Good chance she is not from Tokyo in which case possibly lonely
J girls contrary to popular belief are very good at letting guys know if she is interested in you
This one definitely worth pursuing but forget about ever splitting the check
If she's really attractive there's a chance she also works part time in a hostess bar
J girls contrary to popular belief are very good at letting guys know if she is interested in you
This one definitely worth pursuing but forget about ever splitting the check
If she's really attractive there's a chance she also works part time in a hostess bar
Midlife Crisis
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I also say go for a second date. My reading of your date is that, at best she had a great time but is not a very emotionally expressive person (hard to read their faces), and at worst your company was acceptable enough to hang around longer for more drinks and dessert. So there's either a lot of potential or a little potential. The most interesting point for me was that being near her home meant possibly being seen by people she knew, which is usually a big fear in Japan.
I've been on my share of dates where I couldn't wait to be finished with dinner to escape my date's company!
Btw, I usually prefer first dates to be at a very nice coffee and dessert place. More time to talk, less complicated, and less money to possibly be wasted. If that goes well, then a nice restaurant for the second date.
I've been on my share of dates where I couldn't wait to be finished with dinner to escape my date's company!
Btw, I usually prefer first dates to be at a very nice coffee and dessert place. More time to talk, less complicated, and less money to possibly be wasted. If that goes well, then a nice restaurant for the second date.
thanks guys
it was 9500 yen for dinner dessert and drinks, so more than i normally pay but not crazy expensive..
yeah whenever i paid her a compliment she seemed uncomfortable and was not really engaging me in conversation much.. yes there is a language barrier but i dont think that was it.. i think she just wasnt into me unfortunately
am really in two minds about asking her again as .. its not fun dating like that.. will see if she messages me more but i doubt it
it was 9500 yen for dinner dessert and drinks, so more than i normally pay but not crazy expensive..
yeah whenever i paid her a compliment she seemed uncomfortable and was not really engaging me in conversation much.. yes there is a language barrier but i dont think that was it.. i think she just wasnt into me unfortunately
am really in two minds about asking her again as .. its not fun dating like that.. will see if she messages me more but i doubt it
Hamerare
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Be careful not to transfer your feelings to what she thought about you to what she really thought about you.
She liked the look of you enough to make the first move. You thought she was cold but she was probably scared about her first date with a gaijin knowing her English was weak and your Japanese not up to it.
Replying to compliments isn't always easy. She might not have understood properly, or genuinely thought it was just flattery. Super Nanpa Bro Solong once commented that even really hot J girls are insecure about their looks.
Maybe for next date you could suggest a movie or watch live band ( What The Dickens in Ebisu) where you can both enjoy without having to talk too much.
This girl is exotic and mysterious and I like that. After a few years in Japan the mystery all goes.
Don't try and wiggle out of this one, go for it. It wont stop you trying your luck elsewhere.
She liked the look of you enough to make the first move. You thought she was cold but she was probably scared about her first date with a gaijin knowing her English was weak and your Japanese not up to it.
Replying to compliments isn't always easy. She might not have understood properly, or genuinely thought it was just flattery. Super Nanpa Bro Solong once commented that even really hot J girls are insecure about their looks.
Maybe for next date you could suggest a movie or watch live band ( What The Dickens in Ebisu) where you can both enjoy without having to talk too much.
This girl is exotic and mysterious and I like that. After a few years in Japan the mystery all goes.
Don't try and wiggle out of this one, go for it. It wont stop you trying your luck elsewhere.
Ladylisa
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Hmm... Yes, maybe go on her responses and see. Maybe message her and say something fairly innocuous about having enjoyed the evening and see what her response is.
If she seems interested in a second date maybe go for a more active (and cheaper) second date. It's getting a bit cold now, but there is a reason Odaiba is popular - it's nice to walk around and have a coffee and cake.
Or look for interesting events etc.
But no matter, I like your take away thought that it wasn't a bad way to spend the night - no matter how it pans out.
you guys are so nice! thanks for all the positive vibes! i am open to this girl and told her i really enjoyed it and made it obvious i would like a second date, as she likes to drink i know a good place to take her, but honestly i dont want to push against a locked door, from her interactions with me i am pretty sure she is not interested, nevermind!