Hmmm! Girl from a girls bar asked me out for a meal. Not sure if trap... or... gold digging... or...?

[Ravenor80]

So sometimes I frequent girl's bars in the Ueno area when I holiday in Japan. This time, a girl from one of the bars asked me out for a meal. This... struck me as very odd because I've only "drank" with her twice, and both times were a single 'session' with only a handful of drinks. I'm a very average looking guy, so I'd almost never get asked out to a meal under regular circumstances, but from a girl working at a girl's bar, that does strike me as a bit... odd. Red flag? Orange flag? Definitely a "huhhhh?!?" flag.

I haven't answered her yet, since it's over LINE, I would love to hear anyone's input over this sort of thing.

 

[TAG Manager]

So sometimes I frequent girl's bars in the Ueno area when I holiday in Japan. This time, a girl from one of the bars asked me out for a meal. This... struck me as very odd because I've only "drank" with her twice, and both times were a single 'session' with only a handful of drinks. I'm a very average looking guy, so I'd almost never get asked out to a meal under regular circumstances, but from a girl working at a girl's bar, that does strike me as a bit... odd. Red flag? Orange flag? Definitely a "huhhhh?!?" flag.

I haven't answered her yet, since it's over LINE, I would love to hear anyone's input over this sort of thing.

She wants money. Probably expects you to take care of the meal and some of her time... Depends on what sort of story she gives.
Could be dinner and then let's go back to my bar sort of thing... Their main goal is to get you back in the bar as much as possible to make them money.

If you accept her offer, see what she says and then decide the next step... just keep your wits about you.

 

[Danbo]

I don't know. Sometimes people tend to overanalyze. She just asked you for a meal, not for one of you kidneys.

If you like her, just go, have fun. Most probably she will use it as a starting point to get more money out of you. If that's the case you can still back off.

 

[Ravenor80]

Thanks! I'll play it by ear. And I'll be extra careful.

Also sorry for posting in the wrong section.

 

[Ravenor80]

Yeah, some men on here are just lonely, and have not had a proper relationship for too damn long. So when someone asks us out we just get blindsided by the whole thing and it's a very "deer in the headlights" type of situation. Even if it's from a working girl.

 

[Alice]

Again someone who wants us to judge if a girl is a golddigger by a forum post. 🤨

Look, you’re an adult man and you’ll likely be more sober during the dinner than at the bar. If she wants you to do dohan she would say that beforehand, but usually girls bars don’t have dohan system and discourage girls meeting the customers outside.

Sure, she could be a gold digger as in that she wants a free meal, wants to get married and move to your country or wants compensation for time spend together, but what are you concerned about? You are responsible for your own situation.
The only warning I’d give you is if she insists on a specific restaurant, look the place up and see if there are any reports of girls doing drink back there. Maybe also be wary of her wanting to walk around and pulling you into some very random izakaya. There has been a problem with people trying to lure others in overpriced izakaya recently. If it’s a legit restaurant, nothing to worry about.

She either :
-likes your looks and / or conversation.
-is bored and wants company
-wants a free meal
-wants to charm you into becoming a regular
-wants to negotiate compensated dates outside of the shop
-wants visa marriage
-wants drink back

But how are we supposed to know? Girls bar staff does not equal gold digger or scammer. Don’t go to those establishments if you think so lowly of them.

 

[TAG Manager]

The only warning I’d give you is if she insists on a specific restaurant, look the place up and see if there are any reports of girls doing drink back there. Maybe also be wary of her wanting to walk around and pulling you into some very random izakaya. There has been a problem with people trying to lure others in overpriced izakaya recently.

This is a most excellent point. If she proposes a place to eat, check it out as Alice said. If you can't find any information on it, ask to go somewhere else.
If you walk into one of these places that has a menu with no prices, you want to walk away, quickly.

 

[Ravenor80]

Look I'm sorry peeps. Was totally blindsided. Thank you though, for screwing my head back on straight. I'll do my due diligence.

Thank you. And well, I guess I'll owe you peeps a story afterwards too.

 

[kirayamato]

I am confused.
what was the purpose you exchange the LINE again?

 

[plooped]

Again someone who wants us to judge if a girl is a golddigger by a forum post. 🤨

Been seeing these a lot recently...

 

[Ravenor80]

-She wanted pictures from a place I was travelling to that day, which I sent.
-This is a travel phone.
-She didn't ask to come have a drink after I sent the pictures.
-She knows I have to leave eventually.
-I've awkwardly run into her during her retail day job, but she seemed genuinely happy to see me. And no she didn't try to pull me in for a drink afterwards.

You know, if anything typing all this out really is helping me sort things out in my head.

 

[Danbo]

-She wanted pictures from a place I was travelling to that day, which I sent.
-This is a travel phone.
-She didn't ask to come have a drink after I sent the pictures.
-She knows I have to leave eventually.
-I've awkwardly run into her during her retail day job, but she seemed genuinely happy to see me. And no she didn't try to pull me in for a drink afterwards.

You know, if anything typing all this out really is helping me sort things out in my head.

Hehe, just don't overcomplicate things. Be cautious but go with the flow. Others have stated what you should keep in mind, besides that not a lot negative can happen by just by heading out for something to eat.

 

[porterhouse]

-I've awkwardly run into her during her retail day job, but she seemed genuinely happy to see me. And no she didn't try to pull me in for a drink afterwards.

Uh, how did that happen??

 

[ThaWeeknd]

When’s the last time a normal non-working girl asked you out to eat? She could be genuinely interested in you but odds are that you’ll end up giving more than she will after the date.

 

[Ravenor80]

When’s the last time a normal non-working girl asked you out to eat? She could be genuinely interested in you but odds are that you’ll end up giving more than she will after the date.

That's the thing. This has never happened to me. That's why I found it so strange.

However, I think she over extended her hand to ask me to come drink with her at her bar afterwards. Long story short, I said no in the end.

Thanks for setting my head straight, peeps. Sorry for the sudden ... uh "whaaat do I dooooooo" brainfart.

 

[Babaram]

So sometimes I frequent girl's bars in the Ueno area when I holiday in Japan. This time, a girl from one of the bars asked me out for a meal. This... struck me as very odd because I've only "drank" with her twice, and both times were a single 'session' with only a handful of drinks. I'm a very average looking guy, so I'd almost never get asked out to a meal under regular circumstances, but from a girl working at a girl's bar, that does strike me as a bit... odd. Red flag? Orange flag? Definitely a "huhhhh?!?" flag.

I haven't answered her yet, since it's over LINE, I would love to hear anyone's input over this sort of thing.

In the trade that's called douhan - a dinner date, and then you go to the bar together. Marketing measure. Nothing untoward can happen over a meal, and if I'm wrong and she takes you to a love hotel instead of her place of employ, then it's because of your rugged looks.

 

[MikeH]

I have never those problems as I do not have gold.

 

[Ravenor80]

In the trade that's called douhan - a dinner date, and then you go to the bar together. Marketing measure. Nothing untoward can happen over a meal, and if I'm wrong and she takes you to a love hotel instead of her place of employ, then it's because of your rugged looks.

Yeah. I've been on a number of douhan before. I've always been the one to suggest, and none of them have ever resulted in a hotel. I have 0 game. I have enough confidence to ask but my flirt skills are as shit as my broken-ass Japanese (I'm studying tho, when work permits me time). This is the first time someone's asked ME on a dohan instead. Hence - see all the above posts.

Also, lucky I didn't do anything tonight. Holy shit the snow!

 

[Ravenor80]

Uh, how did that happen??

Shopping. Literally turned the corner and oh, there she was. She noticed me first. It's also a bit weird because I can't tell if it's both of our customer service/general client interaction skills kicking off at the same time, or we actually have chemistry.

I need to get out more.

 

[Frenchy]

Shopping. Literally turned the corner and oh, there she was. She noticed me first. It's also a bit weird because I can't tell if it's both of our customer service/general client interaction skills kicking off at the same time, or we actually have chemistry.

I need to get out more.

It sounds like the beginning of a wonderful romance… 🥹

 

[Babaram]

It sounds like the beginning of a wonderful romance… 🥹

We expect to be invited to the wedding.

 

[Joe2017]

About four years ago, I accidentally walked into a ladies' bar in Omori, mistaking it for a quaint jazz club because of a poster outside advertising daily performances. All the performers were women, the tencho too, but that didn't click then. As I walked in, a beautiful soloist was belting out jazz standards, accompanied by an older lady on the piano. Before I realized it, one of the hostesses had joined me at my table, clearly looking to strike up a conversation. But I was there for the music, not chit-chat that would rack up my bill, so I played the "my Japanese isn't great" card. I wasn't stretching the truth by much, honestly. After the show, the tencho introduced me to the singer, mentioning she spoke English - and boy, she spoke it way better than she sang, even though I later found out she had two albums. We talked, and she asked me to stay for the last set and invite her to dinner out afterward. She even dedicated The Girl from Ipanema bossa-nova song to me. Her next performance felt better, probably because my interest had shifted from purely musical to imagining her sensually naked in my arms, driven my mind by the influences of two Macallans. When I settled the bill, I noticed they'd added a hostess service charge on top of the music extra and our drinks. It was a girls' bar at the end, so I played with the rules. We had dinner, enjoyed a lovely evening, and went our separate ways, but not before promising to see her next week’s performance at the bar. And I did, keeping my promise. The routine was the same, and so was the bill, though this time, she chose her original songs, which suited her voice better. After another dinner and a chat about the virtues of polyamory - she mentioned having an open relationship with her boyfriend - came the same request to see her next week's show, with the promise of going to dinner afterward, and we said our goodbyes. Need I go on?

 

[Ravenor80]

Crystal.

Thanks again people, for the clarity. Ah I guess if we all weren't a bit broken in some way, we wouldn't be here, no?

 

[Maxblack]

Honestly just go and have fun. On a real date you’d pay for dinner and drinks anyway. So do that. She wants to go back to her bar? Go for an hour. It’s fun! She wants to go to a love hotel? YES. She asks for cash? SURE. Enjoy.

 

[Joe2017]

On a real date you’d pay for dinner and drinks anyway. So do that. She wants to go back to her bar? Go for an hour. It’s fun! She wants to go to a love hotel? YES. She asks for cash? SURE. Enjoy.

Totally on board with you there – if someone's got the cash to splash, why not? I still catch up with my jazz crooner occasionally. Nothing much there, but she introduced me a young violinist – that bow work was something else! But hey, we've all been in those 'every penny counts' days, right? So it was all about the hunter's rule… don't waste shots for what you're not to feast on!