How To Have Better Dates With J Girls

[Black Mage]

Hello,

Not taking any sides here, since I believe that you're both right in a way. But if you turn this conversation around, you can take some pointers about how NOT to behave.

This might actually be quite valuable, indeed. I personally would like to know what sort of social/cultural cliché one could accidentally enact by sheer lack of knowledge and/or ignorance, and what potential side effects it might have (collateral damage control is important).

For example, a gaijin friend of mine didn't happen to know the area while he was out and about with a group of female acquaintances. When the topic "where should we eat?" came up, he didn't have any strong opinions about the matter, and left it for the girls to decide. Because of that the girls afterwards pointed out that he isn't "very manly".

This is very extreme (I think). It would never occur to me that yielding such trivial and insignificant decision (in the greater scheme of things) making to others (or delegating, if you wish) could have such profound effect on the way how someone is going to perceived. To me, this is (was) being flexible and sensible, and act of "being manly" would rather entail something along the lines of jumping into a scorching building to save a little cute kitten from certain calamity unfolding.

Interesting insight into their way of thinking - I need to remember this and get my priorities straight should something like that happen to me (which would be a clear choice of somewhat spicy Chinese food to push them out of their comfort zones).

Black.

 

[John Chavers]

Yeah, not only did she meet me, but she took a taxi all the way across the city to meet me

I would be more impressed if you were a Japanese man. Some young ladies will travel extremely long distances to purchase upscale handbags.

 

[Whoissalmon]

To me, this is (was) being flexible and sensible, and act of "being manly" would rather entail something along the lines of jumping into a scorching building to save a little cute kitten from certain calamity unfolding.

It's good to acknowledge that in Japan one's masculinity is often defined more by one's actions than one's looks. In this case your decisiveness is what makes you a manly man and separates you from the wishy-washy herbivore men.

Saving lives sure is manly too, but knowing what you want is the key in that too. (In this case, wasting no time trying to decide whether you want to risk your life to try to save someone or not.)

This is why the host boys and gyary-os can look like peacocks but still aren't considered unmanly. And on the other hand you can look like Hulk Hogan and still be considered unmanly, if you act the wrong way. (The fact that the Japanese associate beefy bodybuilders mainly with gayness doesn't really help.)

 

[Sinapse]

Yeah, all of this is exactly why 'leading' is a separate and very important point in my OP. It's critical, and women will be less attracted if you don't do it. The Japanese people, especially the women in general look to take cues for their behavior from other sources. They look to magazines to direct their fashion, they look to friends and family to determine their social status and self-worth, and they parrot the latest one-line comedy (think "chotto matte chotto matte oniisan" and "o-mo-te-na-shi, omotenashi", etc) and everyone laughs because its a familiar pattern and everyone is comfortable with their role. Similarly, when everything is planned out for them they don't have to worry and feel paralyzed by the burden of leadership themselves. They can relax and fall into the role of taking cues - one they've been used to for a long time. I don't even view this negatively anymore, though many foreigners do since it doesn't align with the Western values of individuality and feminism. Keep in mind that the Japanese cultural values are separate but equal, and both Western and Japanese value sets have positives and negatives and we shouldn't be here constantly ragging on the Japanese value set. People who do this the most are the least assimilated people in this country, and try to make the whole country conform to their values, like speaking English to conbini staff, yelling at people when they don't make exceptions to a rule, and committing many cultural faux pas. It's no surprise these people are also the ones who aren't getting laid with lots of Japanese women

 

[jacqueh]

I don't know if I like this post by Sinapse because it reflects what I think, or because it is good in itself.

I'll side here and say that this is generally good advice when you are in the mindset of most westerners I met. Moreover, doing things mechanically is sometimes the best way to learn and make them simple. I bet swimming is simple for michael phelps, but for mere humans, it is a long list of things to learn, most often in a mechanical way. It could be natural for people raised here, but Sinapse simply explains the culture. Very good point being made about TV, humorists, and magazines, as they are the stream sticking the society together, and knowing those will clearly give you an edge for *any* girl here, even though it might mean cheating yourself (for the nookie) if you dislike those, because that's how things work here!

I, for one, am not much attracted to the main J-girl type (physically & mentally), but I've been applying similar methods when I wanted to "test the waters". I now prefer to hang with other girls, J or not, as it feels they have more to offer.

 

[Wwanderer]

I teach this stuff to guys in person, and I've seen guys with massive social anxiety overcome a total lack of social ability and end up increasing the success in their career, their love life has escalated to levels they'd never believed possible, and they had tons of friends where before everyone just thought they were weird. So my suggestion is before you knock it to try it out, it might not be at all like you had imagined.

With this advice I agree. One should try things for oneself and make decisions on the reality of how they work out. One should also keep in mind that things which sound too good to be true usually aren't. And finally, another good piece of advice is to deal with the most important parts of life in ways that are comfortable because they are consistent with your basic personality and your views of yourself, what sort of person you are and want to be.

I'd also say you shouldn't stop trying new ways of relating to women just because you find one that gets you laid regularly. There is vastly more to relationships than sex, even than great sex. And if you don't let yourself get stuck on/at some "system" or "playbook", you may well find yourself having much richer and deeper experiences.

Fwiiw, I know a number of guys who where great PUAs for years, decades even, when they were younger and gloried in it but who deeply regret it in the second halves of their lives. TANSTAAFL, ya know!

I really don't have time to get into any extensive discussion/debate on the topic in the days and weeks ahead. Maybe someday when I do, I'll start a thread on the downsides of PUA/nampa (and I don't deny that it has upsides as well).

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

For example, a gaijin friend of mine didn't happen to know the area while he was out and about with a group of female acquaintances. When the topic "where should we eat?" came up, he didn't have any strong opinions about the matter, and left it for the girls to decide. Because of that the girls afterwards pointed out that he isn't "very manly".

This is a nice example in a way. Your friend had a choice: He could "be himself" and follow the impulses of his own personality and/or culture by letting someone else decide where to go when he didn't really care much or have any good options to offer OR he could "take charge" and make the decision for the group, contrary to his own impulses, with the intention of impressing or pleasing the women by acting in the way they expect a man to act, presumably with the intent of improving his attractiveness to them. It is one of life's little tests of character and intelligence to decide whether you should behave according to your own personality and standards or should behave the way you think others want you to behave in order to obtain their approval. (Of course, the approval you achieve is not really approval of you; it is approval of the person you are pretending to be.) Think about it.

What would you teach your child is the right choice in a general way, true to oneself or try to please the group? Does it really make a fundamental difference if those whose approval you seek have vaginas?

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

One final point before letting this topic go for a while: The discussions above miss the very important (imo) fact that among Japanese women who are interested in going out with gaijin men, there is a substantial fraction whose motivation is specifically that they dislike the typical ways in which Japanese males treat females. This is so common that it is a cliché...and with good reason. I couldn't even start to count the number of Japanese women who have told me that they will never go out with another Japanese man after having a foreign bf (in Japan or while traveling abroad) because they were treated so much better by the gaijin guy than they ever had been by a Japanese one. Moreover, these are precisely the Japanese women who tend to end up in significant long-term relationships (including marriage) with foreign men.

Imo, the (also numerous I agree) J-women who want a gaijin bf who acts like he is a stereotypical J-man are often, maybe mostly, just curious to see what a foreign guy is like in bed or if they can get him to spend more on them or whatever. If they want a guy who acts Japanese, they can simply date a Japanese guy...which is exactly what they will go back to doing after they satisfy their curiosity.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

This is a nice example in a way. Your friend had a choice: He could "be himself" and follow the impulses of his own personality and/or culture by letting someone else decide where to go when he didn't really care much or have any good options to offer OR he could "take charge" and make the decision for the group, contrary to his own impulses, with the intention of impressing or pleasing the women by acting in the way they expect a man to act, presumably with the intent of improving his attractiveness to them. It is one of life's little tests of character and intelligence to decide whether you should behave according to your own personality and standards or should behave the way you think others want you to behave in order to obtain their approval. (Of course, the approval you achieve is not really approval of you; it is approval of the person you are pretending to be.) Think about it.

What would you teach your child is the right choice in a general way, true to oneself or try to please the group? Does it really make a fundamental difference if those whose approval you seek have vaginas?

-Ww

Yeah, this is somewhat true. There is a tension between being honest and true to yourself, and "fake it till you make it" by adopting the traits of successful people. Assuming you want to better yourself and think you can improve your own behavior and personality, there are people or characteristics which you do want to adopt. So yeah, if you're doing it for validation that's not good for sure. But, if you're adopting the traits to craft yourself into a better version of you, I think thats fine and actually what self-improvement is all about. This is a big struggle and paradox that a lot of people have difficulty with.. on one hand you have to believe in yourself 100% and stay true to yourself, but on the other hand you do always have to be improving and getting better in whatever way you determine is best. The second you think you're done or unchangeable is the second at which you make it true. A lot of the success I've experienced in this realm is due to me copying someone really good at this stuff at first, then adapting it and tuning it to my own personality. Basically, you need to do both - be yourself, and improve. Improving often means doing something that isn't completely like you, but is like the "ideal" you.

Regarding "leading", it's a masculine trait, and to get in touch with your inner man which every male has, you should become comfortable leading. If you aren't or don't feel like you want to, it's probably just an underdeveloped aspect about yourself, not something you need to reify and make fundamental any more than you would want to reify learned helplessness.

 

[Sinapse]

The discussions above miss the very important (imo) fact that among Japanese women who are interested in going out with gaijin men, there is a substantial fraction whose motivation is specifically that they dislike the typical ways in which Japanese males treat females. This is so common that it is a cliché...and with good reason. I couldn't even start to count the number of Japanese women who have told me that they will never go out with another Japanese man after having a foreign bf (in Japan or while traveling abroad) because they were treated so much better by the gaijin guy than they ever had been by a Japanese one. Moreover, these are precisely the Japanese women who tend to end up in significant long-term relationships (including marriage) with foreign men.

This is true, and imagine that, I prefaced the entire article by mentioning it:

For the purpose of this article, I'm going to be talking about the more Japanese-type girls, who generally don't speak more than a couple words of English, might not even have a passport, or if so have only been to Bali or Guam or similar Japanese-friendly countries, and don't particularly care too much about the world outside of Japan. In general (vast generalization incoming!), the more attractive a woman is the more she is rewarded by the society in which she grew up, which in turn means she has less incentive to branch out and seek foreign things because everything she could ever want (jobs, money, love, and lots of sex) is thrown at her every minute of the day.

In my experience, generally speaking, most foreigners are with or target girls who are primarily English-speaking, foreigner friendly types found in foreigner places like Roppongi, international parties, language exchange sites, etc. More wild generalizations, but often these girls (though there can be attractive ones) are in some sense of the word "rejects" from Japanese culture.

So yeah, if you want to date English speaking Japanese types then by all means "gaijin smash" your way through dates with them and they might like you for it. I've dated a lot of those kinds of girls as well, and I can tell you that learning these techniques / strategy isn't going to alienate you from those girls either. My advice, as I mentioned, is for guys who want more success with the more typical Japanese girls, which as I mentioned also contains 99% of the hottest women in Japan. If you observe the split after high school, very few of the most attractive women go into higher education.. this means they aren't that good with English usually. Anyway, I'm repeating myself but yeah, I definitely did account for it. As I mentioned in another post, your game should be tailored to the girls who could like you but are on the fence, not the foreigner-friendly girls who will already like you. If anything, it makes it even easier with those girls.

 

[John Chavers]

The Japanese people, especially the women in general look to take cues for their behavior from other sources

Look from wherever you're from and you'll see the same thing. Japan seems different because it isn't your culture.

 

[Wwanderer]

Yeah, this is somewhat true. There is a tension between being honest and true to yourself, and "fake it till you make it" by adopting the traits of successful people. Assuming you want to better yourself and think you can improve your own behavior and personality, there are people or characteristics which you do want to adopt. So yeah, if you're doing it for validation that's not good for sure. But, if you're adopting the traits to craft yourself into a better version of you, I think thats fine and actually what self-improvement is all about.

I agree; there is definitely a distinction between seeking validation and self-worth from the opinions of others versus trying to improve oneself according to one's own standards. Note however that this thread, from its title onward and including most of your posts, discuss the motivation of trying to make yourself more acceptable/attractive to a certain type of Japanese women so that they will date and/or fuck you. You do mention in passing that these changes in behavior can have other positive consequences, but it is clearly a side issue, at least in this thread. I.e., we are talking about seeking external approval/validation here.

Regarding "leading", it's a masculine trait, and to get in touch with your inner man which every male has, you should become comfortable leading. If you aren't or don't feel like you want to, it's probably just an underdeveloped aspect about yourself, not something you need to reify and make fundamental any more than you would want to reify learned helplessness.

I definitely don't agree with this and think that you would have a hard time finding any sort of legit psychologist or sociologist who would agree with you. Leading/controlling women, closely related to feelings of owning them, is not an inherent male trait; it is a construct in patriarchal societies, one which is absent in many cultures and which is rapidly disappearing in modern/secular First World countries where women have more nearly equal access to education, professional careers, earning potential, physical safety etc. This change is also occurring in Japan, although not yet to the degree that it has in most of the West.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

So yeah, if you want to date English speaking Japanese types then by all means "gaijin smash" your way through dates with them and they might like you for it. I've dated a lot of those kinds of girls as well, and I can tell you that learning these techniques / strategy isn't going to alienate you from those girls either. My advice, as I mentioned, is for guys who want more success with the more typical Japanese girls, which as I mentioned also contains 99% of the hottest women in Japan. If you observe the split after high school, very few of the most attractive women go into higher education.. this means they aren't that good with English usually.

You seem to be equating dating in Japanese with acting like a stereotypical Japanese male. I don't get this claim? Speaking Japanese doesn't make you Japanese or mean you have to act like you are Japanese...far from it. I couldn't even start to count the number of Japanese speaking gaijin I know, men and women, who do so without giving up their own cultures and personalities.

A second point, the bits of the above quote I have underlined are completely contrary to my experience. Moreover, it almost sounds like you are trotting out that old misogynist idea that beauty and brain are incompatible or anti-correlated in women...gorgeous dumb blonde stereotypes and all that. Seriously? In any case, my world is full of beautiful and sexy women who are also very smart (and often highly educated...not the same thing), strong, independent, risk tolerant (i.e., brave), successful in their own work/endeavors, and generally impressive people. This applies for both Japanese and non-Japanese women. Perhaps the difference in our perceptions are due to differences in the sort of women we find attractive. Whether for a serious relationship or a bit of casual fun, I prefer a woman who is more of a partner and an equal to one who is dependent and is (or feels) inferior.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

Look from wherever you're from and you'll see the same thing. Japan seems different because it isn't your culture.

Absolutely.

I definitely don't agree with this and think that you would have a hard time finding any sort of legit psychologist or sociologist who would agree with you. Leading/controlling women, closely related to feelings of owning them, is not an inherent male trait; it is a construct in patriarchal societies, one which is absent in many cultures and which is rapidly disappearing in modern/secular First World countries where women have more nearly equal access to education, professional careers, earning potential, physical safety etc. This change is also occurring in Japan, although not yet to the degree that it has in most of the West.
-Ww

Yup, yeah I'm familiar with radical feminism, studied it a bunch in University and was raised by two (lesbian) women. So it's basically the background I came from. I've come to terms with my own masculinity since then after realizing it isn't really sexy. But, leadership IS sexy, regardless of who's doing it, and I'm in the business of being sexy. I don't mean only a leader among women but also a leader among men. When you are with a group of men, do you find yourself leading the group, or following/passively accepting whatever happens. Leadership, power, attractiveness, these are related whether you like it or not. Again my arguments are amoral, in that they are based entirely on what works and improves yourself. I don't mean genetically or intrinsically masculine, but masculine within our current cultural paradigm. Masculine or not, its attractive, and the Machiavellian in you should want to be on the positive side of that equation, not the negative.

It may be that you are just a passive person, or are okay with other people taking control of your life. I personally find this weak and unattractive, as do most women. Choose whichever way you like. Actually, the reason a vast majority of Western males have trouble attracting and maintaining women is precisely because of this recent emergence of feminist values. We are raising a generation of men afraid to take charge in every aspect of life, from financial to romance. Game, in some senses (as it is a recent development), is a direct reaction to the weak-will of modern men, and its unattractiveness. Maybe you will find a woman who wants to initiate sex and is happy that you're just passively accepting her lead, but in my experience this is the vast minority, and for me, I prefer it this way.

 

[Wwanderer]

It may be that you are just a passive person, or are okay with other people taking control of your life. I personally find this weak and unattractive, as do most women. Choose whichever way you like. Actually, the reason a vast majority of Western males have trouble attracting and maintaining women is precisely because of this recent emergence of feminist values. We are raising a generation of men afraid to take charge in every aspect of life, from financial to romance. Game, in some senses (as it is a recent development), is a direct reaction to the weak-will of modern men, and its unattractiveness. Maybe you will find a woman who wants to initiate sex and is happy that you're just passively accepting her lead, but in my experience this is the vast minority, and for me, I prefer it this way.

I don't see why out individual histories, styles and personalities are of much interest here; the abstract/general issues interest me more. But since you brought it up, I do suspect that we are quite different sorts of people. Fwiiw, I think that it would be hard to categorize me as either a passive person or an aggressive/leader type. I easily can do and have done both, as the situation and my goals dictate. I've run enterprises at the CEO level with budgets of a few million dollars per year and operated on boards of directors (full of strong-willed A-type personalities) as chairman overseeing activities at the level of 10s of millions per year and taken the lead in negotiating agreements worth up to about 100 million dollars (as well as a good number of smaller ones) between fiercely competitive institutions. Etc etc. As far as relationships with women and maintaining them go, I've have one that is well past 40 years and still going, another at about 30 years and still in progress, a few others that have lasted for more than a decade. I've had just about every sort of np4p (and p4p and semi-p4p) relationship that has a name and some so unconventional that I would not know how to describe them in a few words. I've also had my share and more of one night stands and short lived flings and unexpected connections full of intense emotional joys and pains. I've had a lover more than a decade older than me and ones more than 40 years younger than me...a wide range of different races, nationalities, personalities, incomes, jobs, educational levels...you name it. I would blush (very rarely happens) were I to tell you some of the compliments given to me by women who know me well and intimately. Basically I got very interested in women, girls actually at the time, and had my first intimate connections 52 years ago (jeez!), about twice as long as you've been alive if I recall your age correctly! In general I've tried hard to make my experience of the world as broad and inclusive as possible, definitely including my experiences with women.

And, you know what? Despite all of that, I don't have the slightest problem letting someone else decide where we will have dinner when I don't care (or don't know enough about the area to make as good a choice), nor do I at all mind having a lover who is as smart or smarter, as well-off or better-off, as successful or more successful, as independent or more so etc than me. Or the opposite. If you don't try to live the core parts of life by a recipe, there's a lot more out there "than is dreamt of in your philosophy". But no worries, you are just getting started in life and with women, there's still plenty of time to learn...*if* you will empty your teacup. But, as you say, "choose whichever way you like".

If we are to continue this conversation, I vote to return to discussing the issues and not each other or ourselves.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

Sure. I'm sure you've had a rich life full of lots of success and wonderful experiences. I know that personally, without walking down this path I would have had maybe one or two girlfriends in the past four years, far less attractive and less well suited for me than the vast amount of positive experiences I've had because of it. Everything else in my life has also improved. So it's going to be next to impossible to convince me that learning nampa is bad, because it has been probably the single most important thing I've undertaken. It has put me back in charge with my love life and brought me to new heights.

Basically, I'm not really interested in discussing the morality of it. I'm interested in helping those who are already curious about nampa but have doubts about its efficacy or are unsure how to actually do it effectively. If it's not for you, thats fine, but there's no doubt on my mind it's a positive force in many guys' lives and helps out massively with social issues and improves love lives. Anyway, this all has been getting pretty off topic for a while now, so if you'd like to talk about the negative points of nampa I urge you to start a new post. It's time to put this discussion to rest. If anyone has any questions about the specific points of the OP, they're still welcome.

 

[DJV]

@Sinapse , I don't intend to intrude in what looks like a joust between you and Wwanderer, but I'm wondering :
You assumed at some points that Ww wasn't a english native, or that he was a passive/following man.
It seems far-fetched, even if you base this only on his contributions in this very thread !

Ww, based on your strong reactions, it appears you may just have been PUA-ed by Sinapse

It makes me wonder one thing :
If A-types are successful in a way, are all A-types former analytical losers looking for a way out (or in) ?
Or is it guys that lack analytical skills (and a bit narcisistic) whose only escape in life is show the world that scoring is all that matters ?

(my question is rhetorical)

 

[Sinapse]

@Sinapse , I don't intend to intrude in what looks like a joust between you and Wwanderer, but I'm wondering :
You assumed at some points that Ww wasn't a english native, or that he was a passive/following man.
It seems far-fetched, even if you base this only on his contributions in this very thread !

Ww, based on your strong reactions, it appears you may just have been PUA-ed by Sinapse

It makes me wonder one thing :
If A-types are successful in a way, are all A-types former analytical losers looking for a way out (or in) ?
Or is it guys that lack analytical skills (and a bit narcisistic) whose only escape in life is show the world that scoring is all that matters ?

(my question is rhetorical)

Yeah I didn't actually think he wasn't an native speaker, but I was just curious as to why he was quoting my statements than very clearly misreading the exact opposite meaning into them. But I'd rather not rehash that so let's leave it be for now.

Do you mean like A-type personality? As in competitive, outgoing, and a bit impatient? Because actually I am very type B, super relaxed, calm, rarely angry. I was a huge introvert in High School and failed to notice even when girls who liked me would try to get me interested in them. I was very passive and chill. Going into pickup was a way to make myself outgoing, social, and soon I became the person everyone talked to at the party. But regarless I think there are different kinds of gamers who can be successful with whatever personality they want. There are chill, coffee shop intellectual gamers. There are party boy gamers. There are aggressive hyper-analytical gamers. There are KY rapid-fire approach gamers. There is no archetypal "good" gamer personality, just a collection of dudes with different personalities and values doing the same thing - trying to meet and hook up with women.

Anyway, again I'd just like to say that scoring is definitely not all that matters. If anything, it's almost an afterthought. I simply think that sex should not have value, but should be something done freely and openly, perhaps even in the streets! The idea that sex is something that a woman gives a man, or something that should be exchanged for money is frankly repulsive to me, and our slut-shaming culture is as well. A implicit belief in the whole "why would you have sex on the first date, it seems like coercion / etc" argument is that sex is a big deal, something that should be held back and is a momentous occasion. For me, its like breathing air or eating a meal - no need to make a big fuss about it, it feels good, so do it. It's free and nobody loses with sex - everybody benefits. A lot of people are stuck in the old (patriarchal) mindset that sex is something a woman gives to a man for something (money, time spent, investment, promise of long-term commitment, etc), but I fundamentally reject this premise. Sex is something animals do for pleasure and fun as well as reproduction... so do it! Often and with many people if you want to!

 

[Wwanderer]

so if you'd like to talk about the negative points of nampa I urge you to start a new post. It's time to put this discussion to rest.

Agreed.

And to be clear, it is not that I think PUA/nampa is some sort of terrible moral evil or even that it should have no place in anyone's life. My view is that it is often oversold and its virtues and effectiveness exaggerated with an almost religious zeal by its proponents (of which you are by no means the only one). So, my goal in this thread and others on the topic is simply to add a critical/skeptical and perhaps balancing perspective.

Anyway, yes, time to move on.

-Ww

 

[ruberian]

@Sinapse

Sinapse San

I really new to this board and english is not my first language but i have something i want to ask for advice . I'm not looking for only sex i'm looking for relationship with Japanese but that not because i really like their anime or something like that . I come to japan to learn and have plan to enter 大学院 . Now i think i can speak japanese very well because i learning it about 6 month already and have some japanese friend , too . (men) and then i met with this コンビニさん near my house and got interested in her . We exchange a conversation few times (while her at work) but i really don't know how to ask for her contact address . I have no clue !

P.S. i come from Thailand and has no problem with talking dating or whatever with woman . I really don't know what details i should give you for good advice please feel free to ask . Thx

 

[Sinapse]

not because i really like their anime or something like that

Good because that probably wouldn't really help you

i met with this コンビニさん near my house and got interested in her . We exchange a conversation few times (while her at work) but i really don't know how to ask for her contact address . I have no clue !

Well she works in a conbini so you are going to have to be more cautious and laid-back about it than if you met her by other means. I'd say if you have friendly normal conversations with her when you're in there, you could hand-write a note saying something like "Hey, I'm XX. I think you have a nice ふいんき and I'd like to talk to you more! よかったら、contact me at ________" then write maybe your LINE ID: and phone #.

You don't want to be pushy or anything because she is on the job and likely doesn't have too much time or leeway to flirt with customers, and her manager is probably in the store as well. She probably also doesn't have her phone on her so exchanging then and there isn't really an option. Just slip her your note and hope for the best.

Whenever I give advice about one particular girl, I always like to mention that you should be talking to a bunch more besides just her! Go out and meet ten more girls you like, get their line contacts, then no matter what happens with this one you won't care that much~!