I Want To Start Doing Nampa But..

[Sinapse]

I've heard just about every objection in the book, and it gets tiring to answer the same ones all the time. So here's a article compiling all of the most common objections / fears guys have concerning nampa/PUA. If you have more, reply and I'll add them.

I think it doesnt work

This one is hard to disprove unless you strap a camera to my (or someone else who can do its') back. But trust me when I say that the first 6 months I was in Japan I got next to nothing. I got scraps from my social circle, and that's it. But with constant practice, it really does work. You can settle for a simple, easy goal and get out after that (a decently cute girlfriend), or you can reach for the stars (models, race queens, socialites, and other top-tier chicks). Whatever your end goal, there's no doubt you can improve yourself. Everyone knows you improve at, say, basketball by taking a LOT of shots and practicing a LOT. Well, its the same with women. The only reason you aren't already really good at it is you're not taking enough shots.

I think I'm too old

Maybe there is such a thing as too old, but I havent found it. I know guys who get into game in their 40s and 50s and it makes a huge positive impact on their life. They feel renewed, younger, and more in touch with their masculine nature. One guy I know started game at age 43, and in his first year ended up banging nearly 100 girls. This is certainly the exception, and not something you should expect to happen, but it is possible. He had all the pieces in place beforehand - huge social circle, excellent Japanese, very successful at his profession, amazing apartment in a famous classy area with conveniently close bars, clubs, and street, etc. The missing piece was game - the process of approaching and analyzing your mistakes. There is no such thing as too old.

I don't look like a male model

I have another friend who is short, bald, with a gap tooth who has hooked up with over 400 Japanese girls. He's been at it a long time. He definitely is not classically beautiful, and even has pretty mediocre - poor Japanese, but he still pulls like a boss because he has the attitude and cultural knowledge. Your looks are never a barrier. The question you should be asking yourself is - can I do better than I am now? Don't worry about what anybody else is doing, just worry about your own progress. Are you pushing yourself to attain what you deserve? Can you be doing better? The answer is almost always a resounding YES.

I'm awkward

Yes, many people who get into game start from borderline Aspergers and/or are socially unadjusted. These are people who literally look at a person's face and can't understand what emotion they are feeling. This makes game quite difficult, but NOT impossible. I'm friends with guys like this, and while the path is long, they are definitely improving and not only are better at getting women, but also better at keeping friends and making good impressions on everybody. Nampa is the poor man's therapy. It really digs up your deep-seated issues and forces you to confront them and get over them. You will become more socially savvy.

I'm worried about what other people will think when they see me doing it

You are never far away from a bunch of other Japanese people. But even if you open on a crowded train, the one thing you'll realize is that nobody cares. After maybe 10-20 seconds of looking and thinking 'oh that foreigner is talking to her', they just go back to their smartphone or book and continue about their zombie day. Moreover, nampa is culturally Japanese. People expect it and know about it, and understand what it is. It isn't anything unusual or anything a Japanese guy wouldn't do. Most Japanese guys with a decent sex drive have tried their hand at it, often after a few drinks and with some egging on by their friends.

I feel like I'm harassing the girl

Girls would LOVE to meet a cool, interesting, respectful guy. You are harassing her if you touch her, follow her home, verbally berate her for not responding, or get angry. If you are frank, honest, and keep your distance (DONT touch her), she will at worst be not interested, and at best be totally happy that you came up and talked to her! I know some girls who actually dress up and walk around in circles in public areas JUST to be nampad. They're hoping that a decent guy will actually nampa them, and not one of the annoying J-nampa guys. As long as you are clear in your purpose, honest, and respectful, she won't feel harassed.

I don't have the courage

Start small. Smile at passing girls. Talk to grandmas in the elevator and next to you on the train. Make small talk with the conbini staff. Then, work up to just saying hi and leaving, or paying the girl an honest compliment, then excusing yourself. Ask for directions or for their opinion on your fashion or an article of clothing in a store. In the end, you want to work past this kind of thing, but at the beginning it's important to take action in whatever small way you can. Once you feel comfortable with all of this, just go up and talk to her normally - as if she was already your girlfriend!
Whats the worst that can happen? She will probably say, I'm sorry, I'm busy right now. Thats it. Is that intolerable?

Pickup is creepy. Guys should just stick to normal ways of meeting girls like social circle and work.

To me, picking up girls from your workplace is creepy. If something goes wrong, you still have to work with that person! How awkward!

But more importantly, unless you work in certain industries (fashion/apparel, cosmetics/beauty) and have access to lots of very attractive women, you probably don't work with tons of hot women. If you work with one, and that doesn't go well, what are you going to do now? Simply speaking, theres not high enough volume of attractive women in most people's workplaces or social lives to consistently get decent girlfriends from them. Waiting for what comes to you from your circle is PASSIVE. Passive people accept what life gives them, and in the end are upset that they didn't go for what they want. ACTIVE people go out and get what they really want, what really sparks their fire. This is true whether it's about career, money, or women.

Women view me as just a friend

Women view you as whatever box you put yourself into. If they view you as a friend its because you aren't asserting your own agenda on the relationship. If you continue down the path of doing nampa, you will learn to go for what you want, when you want it. Women will accept your advances or refuse your advances, but either way they will respect you for going after what you want. You never lose by trying to kiss a woman you like. You DO lose by not going for what you want when it's right in front of you, because thats a symptom of a deeper personality issue. If you can't even kiss a woman you like, how will you take charge of your own life and get the career / money that you want? A man who doesn't unapologetically go after what he wants in life is not attractive to high-value women, so it's no doubt he gets "friend-zoned".

 

[namae]

Have you considered converting your knowledge and, experience, wisdom into money?

Interesting points re age and looks. I assume nampa involves a high degree of luck - right time, right place, right girl and that physical appearance/age/fitness is very important particularly if your targeting high end girls in Aoyama ( cf large head 30 something OL specimens in the HUB's of Shinjuku).

Did you mention you were 26 in previous posts? To what extent do you attribute your success to your age/looks/dress sense? when you hook a girl at Starbucks -- what do you think it is about you that catches her interest and makes her want to close a deal.

Are you married/attached? If so do you disclose that? And do all your chats proceed on the clear understanding you are looking for a quick fix/ons...or short term sex friend relationship. From my experience, I would say the fact that a guy is single and available is a very big factor in how many girls think.

Lastly, do you ever think the whole exercise is a pointless waste of time? Once you understand women and their bodies.... say you nailed a 100 a year for 4 years.....how do you motivate yourself for the next season? Whats in it for you?

 

[Sinapse]

Have you considered converting your knowledge and, experience, wisdom into money?

I do teach bootcamps and seminars, I have a pickup/nampa forum of my own, and am writing a couple books on the subject right now. What did you have in mind?

Interesting points re age and looks. I assume nampa involves a high degree of luck - right time, right place, right girl and that physical appearance/age/fitness is very important particularly if your targeting high end girls in Aoyama ( cf large head 30 something OL specimens in the HUB's of Shinjuku).

Did you mention you were 26 in previous posts? To what extent do you attribute your success to your age/looks/dress sense? when you hook a girl at Starbucks -- what do you think it is about you that catches her interest and makes her want to close a deal.

Are you married/attached? If so do you disclose that? And do all your chats proceed on the clear understanding you are looking for a quick fix/ons...or short term sex friend relationship. From my experience, I would say the fact that a guy is single and available is a very big factor in how many girls think.

Lastly, do you ever think the whole exercise is a pointless waste of time? Once you understand women and their bodies.... say you nailed a 100 a year for 4 years.....how do you motivate yourself for the next season? Whats in it for you?

You're right about the luck bit - Aoyama especially. There are flaming hot chicks walking around there but the hottest ones are usually outside only when hurrying from one appointment to another. You have limited time to catch them and can't slack.

I attribute everything to my constant hard work going out, and the fact that I'm a really good learner. I absorb everything really quickly, always have. I was that kid in school who was bored because nothing challenged me, and now I have something challenging - girls! Age is not super important, but if I had to choose an age purely for attracting high-quality chicks I'd probably choose to be mid-late 30s or early 40s. I do think my youth is somewhat of a (minor) disadvantage.

I recently broke up with a girlfriend of two years. She knows I do pickup and has come to some of my seminars. Ultimately, she decided she wanted to get married, and I'm not at a point in my life to consider that.

My approach is pretty much highly geared towards the girl seeing me as a sex partner. This is because it is easier to first have sex with a girl and then convert her to a girlfriend than it is to try to play the 'long game' shooting for girlfriend and then end up with nothing but having spent a lot of time and money. That said, I don't do much talking about sex or really overt things to display this - I've found those don't help. Rather it's subtlety and things like eye contact and voice tone that hook the girl. A lot of my conversations, were you to write them down on paper, would seem somewhat boring almost, but thats because in the intial approach I have two main goals. 1- to have her see me as a human being, aka potential mate (more of a challenge that you might think). and 2- leave her wondering what might happen if she came to meet me. I'm definitely not trying to come off as sexual or aggressive. If I'm too forward or direct theres no mystery, and no reason to come out unless she's very horny or really just likes me from the get-go. But your game should never be tailored to the girls who already like you, it should be tailored to the ones who are on the fence but convertible.

RE: pointless waste of time. HAHA yes, sometimes this kind of thought enters my mind. But nampa keeps you sharp as a whip. It keeps the fire in your eyes and the hunger in your belly. I have times of being jaded, where I'll walk around for hours uninterested in talking to any girl. But what drives me these days is almost spiritual. I'm focused on finding women who are deeply spiritually aligned with myself, or other people I know. I've been hooking up guys around me more recently if I know they are after a certain thing and I find that in another girl. Or, sometimes I'll introduce two girls who I've picked up to each other because they share interests and are more aligned than I am with either one. To me, right now its about deep purpose and connecting people who should be connected, sort of helping the world take its natural course, if that makes any sense.

 

[Sinapse]

How could I forget!!

My Japanese level isn't very good

I have a friend from England who comes over here periodically for business and to game. He speaks next to no Japanese, yet still pulls regularly from the street. How? Energy and vibe are more important than language. I'm not going to lie, you will do far better if you speak more Japanese, but it's definitely still possible to pull with regularity from the streets in Tokyo.

The legendary RichinJapan, who was gaming long before I ever even arrived to our beloved island chain, has minimal Japanese as well and pulled nearly 500 chicks in his career to date, many of them really top notch and quite a few who don't speak a lick of English.

In short, learn Japanese in your free time, but no Japanese does not preclude you from getting laid like a boss!

 

[TAG Manager]

Surprised there aren't more replies on this so far... This feels like some basic knowledge a lot of people lack along with confidence.

 

[Goshogawara]

While I enjoy reading Sinapse's posts very much, I just don't have anything to add. Maybe it's the same for other members?

 

[TAG Manager]

While I enjoy reading Sinapse's posts very much, I just don't have anything to add. Maybe it's the same for other members?

I was kind of expecting some fireballs.

 

[Wwanderer]

Surprised there aren't more replies on this so far... This feels like some basic knowledge a lot of people lack along with confidence.

In view of this:

I do teach bootcamps and seminars, I have a pickup/nampa forum of my own, and am writing a couple books on the subject right now. What did you have in mind?

Some may feel that the OP is an indirect sales pitch, at least in part, and thus be less likely to want to discuss in response.

-Ww

 

[RandomTokyoGuy]

Surprised there aren't more replies on this so far... This feels like some basic knowledge a lot of people lack along with confidence.

He kinda catched all my excuses with the first post, what should I do

Lack of Japanese is actually the least of my worries, but funny enough, I read some other "guide" (unfortunately I don't remember where) that was suggesting exactly the opposite ... use as little Japanese as possible, as your Japanese will always be clumsy compared to your native speaking competition, but English on the other hand is something most Japanese are rarely exposed to and therefore gets this exotic interesting touch

 

[John Chavers]

use as little Japanese as possible, as your Japanese will always be clumsy compared to your native speaking competition

If your Japanese is absolute crap, then I would agree, but if you can speak smoothly without hesitation it puts you far ahead of the native competition IMHO. For one, you can break certain Japanese conversational patterns because of your foreign face, so take advantage of that fact.

 

[John Chavers]

I'm a bit curious as to what other pick-up artists on here gain from this other than sex and self-confidence

They are serial narcissists. Show me a PUA airbag whose posts are shorter than mine, and I'll eat my hat.

 

[Wwanderer]

They are serial narcissists. Show me a PUA airbag whose posts are shorter than mine, and I'll eat my hat.

LOL!

But slightly more seriously and now that you mention it, the PUA/nampa advocates do tend to be very long winded, not only the ones on TAG but also those I've encountered on other boards and blogs. Interesting.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

If it wasn't culturally abnormal for a woman to do the same, it would definitely be fun to have a go at it

It isn't unknown in Japan. In fact there is a Japanese word (which I forget) for "reverse nampa", when the woman picks up the man with a cold approach. Amazingly it even happened to me once, years ago. It was broad daylight in Ueno Koen, and she just walked up to me, and asked if I was an American. When I said "yes", she told me that she liked Americans and "big guys". We were in bed together less than 3 hours later.

On top of that, you have "gaijin privilege", so you are given a pass on lots of behavior that would draw major disapproval if you were Japanese.

So, if you like the idea, go ahead and give it a try!

If you do, post on TAG where and when you're going to do it. I bet you can ge a flash mob to form in the neighborhood!

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

If your Japanese is absolute crap, then I would agree, but if you can speak smoothly without hesitation it puts you far ahead of the native competition IMHO. For one, you can break certain Japanese conversational patterns because of your foreign face, so take advantage of that fact.

I've also heard that many Japanese females will shy away from good Japanese speakers as they are considered playboys and are only after one thing as most women are looking for something longer term than a one night stand.

 

[namae]

LOL!

But slightly more seriously and now that you mention it, the PUA/nampa advocates do tend to be very long winded, not only the ones on TAG but also those I've encountered on other boards and blogs. Interesting.

-Ww

They are serial narcissists. Show me a PUA airbag whose posts are shorter than mine, and I'll eat my hat.

Well said. Honest, precise and concise. I think it would great to see a BBC fly-on-the-wall documentary of Dr. Solong/Sinapse and friends in action. Compelling viewing! The series could finish with a panel of shrinks analyzing the main players in front of a live audience with Q&A. You could have subtitles to decode all the BS and buzzwords they use.

 

[Sinapse]

He kinda catched all my excuses with the first post, what should I do

Lack of Japanese is actually the least of my worries, but funny enough, I read some other "guide" (unfortunately I don't remember where) that was suggesting exactly the opposite ... use as little Japanese as possible, as your Japanese will always be clumsy compared to your native speaking competition, but English on the other hand is something most Japanese are rarely exposed to and therefore gets this exotic interesting touch

Yeah, the idea of this post isn't to say anything revolutionary or new, but simply to point out that every excuse your mind tells you is exactly that - an excuse. Anyone CAN get better at this, but it does take work and resolve. The only thing holding yourself back is you!

I've also heard that many Japanese females will

I can tell you from personal experience that speaking Japanese opens the doors to a huge selection of women, and I've experimented widely with both English-only, Japanese-only, and mixed. It comes down to what kind of girls you like, and if they have the ability to understand English-only communication (hint: most J girls don't).

RE: sales pitch.. I'm not trying to be sneaky or devious, and the last thing I want is someone who doesn't want to improve taking a bootcamp. The point of this OP is to open peoples eyes to the scripts their own mind tell them that are holding them back - limiting beliefs. Frankly I don't really care if people take a bootcamp or not, I'd still like everyone to improve on their own - this is something you can do for free! The bootcamp is just for people who want to shave a ton of time off the learning curve. It actually hurts me to have people who don't want to improve themselves on the bootcamp because then reviews will be negative. We've been lucky to have only people who are committed to change so it's no surprise we have nothing but satisfied customers.

Anyone who doesn't see the value likely doesn't have the internal progress-oriented beliefs required to succeed anyway. It's a self-selecting process for people with the right mindset and commitment to improve.

As a woman, I do believe your age might be a disadvantage if you physically look very young. I don't think age matters as much as to how you present yourself though, which you've already pointed out.

What strikes me as baffling with these posts is that they appear to be saying what I assumed everyone already knew; call it some sort of common sense regarding dating, if you will.

I'm a bit curious as to what other pick-up artists on here gain from this other than sex and self-confidence: I suppose some of them turn into FWB? Because it seems that the effort spent on hours of trying to pick up chicks is much higher compared to the actual reward. But if you're finding people with whom you feel a strong connection with, like Sinapse mentioned, then I can understand the practice. If it wasn't culturally abnormal for a woman to do the same, it would definitely be fun to have a go at it

Thanks for the woman's perspective! Yeah, re: what we gain from it it s HUGE. First and most obviously as you mentioned, sex. Most guys who get into this or take a bootcamp honestly just want a girlfriend. They meet her, often ON the actual bootcamp or soon thereafter, and disappear from the community because they attained their goal. When they break up with her they usually come back and realize they have unfinished business with pickup. A smaller section of the community is committed to "walking the path", which is the long-hard struggle. Pick up, like any sort of discipline worth pursuing has the ultimate goal of mastery and ego-dissolution. You can attain this mastery over the ego (the left hand path) or destruction of the ego (typical, right-hand path). Either way the goal is basically the same. This is quite a long discussion and merits its on examination and elaboration, so I'll write up something separate about this and Mr. Chavers can look forward to another long-winded post

 

[Sinapse]

Well said. Honest, precise and concise. I think it would great to see a BBC fly-on-the-wall documentary of Dr. Solong/Sinapse and friends in action. Compelling viewing! The series could finish with a panel of shrinks analyzing the main players in front of a live audience with Q&A. You could have subtitles to decode all the BS and buzzwords they use.

If someone funded this I would actually sign up for this. I believe so fully in what I do and so completely that the misconceptions arise purely from unfamiliarity with the process, that I would gladly allow myself to be put under the microscope of whoever wants to see. I have been doing some in-field filming for the purpose of teaching, but that's a little different from what you are discussing.

 

[John Chavers]

I've also heard that many Japanese females will shy away from good Japanese speakers as they are considered playboys

What woman would desire a talking handbag that everyone understands? Better to be seen and not heard in her eyes.

 

[namae]

If someone funded this I would actually sign up for this. I believe so fully in what I do and so completely that the misconceptions arise purely from unfamiliarity with the process, that I would gladly allow myself to be put under the microscope of whoever wants to see. I have been doing some in-field filming for the purpose of teaching, but that's a little different from what you are discussing.

I will run it past Ricky Gervais and see if I can get him interested. Michael Palin would be a good narrator.

 

[Wwanderer]

RE: sales pitch.. I'm not trying to be sneaky or devious, and the last thing I want is someone who doesn't want to improve taking a bootcamp. The point of this OP is to open peoples eyes to the scripts their own mind tell them that are holding them back - limiting beliefs. Frankly I don't really care if people take a bootcamp or not, I'd still like everyone to improve on their own - this is something you can do for free! The bootcamp is just for people who want to shave a ton of time off the learning curve. It actually hurts me to have people who don't want to improve themselves on the bootcamp because then reviews will be negative. We've been lucky to have only people who are committed to change so it's no surprise we have nothing but satisfied customers.

Anyone who doesn't see the value likely doesn't have the internal progress-oriented beliefs required to succeed anyway. It's a self-selecting process for people with the right mindset and commitment to improve.

You are missing my point, which I perhaps expressed poorly.

My intent is too point out that to the extent you are making money from these PUA bootcamps and/or hope to make money from future book sales on the topic, you are a suspect source of information on the advantages of PUA etc. I do not intend any disrespect and certainly do not mean it personally. It is just common sense; there is a plain conflict of interest (coi). Would you ask a car salesperson (working on commision) what is the best make of car or be surprised if he/she recommended the one he/she happened to sell? Would you ask one of the community of escorts on TAG who she thinks you would most enjoy meeting for a monger appointment or who gives the customer the most value for his money? Would you ask a financial advisor who would find a way to get the best return on your money? Etc.

Basically I am saying that guys ought to take this coi into account in evaluating what you post on PUA/nampa. In many legal or semi-legal contexts you would be required to explicitly declare such a coi.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

Yup, that's fair.

 

[Chocoballs]

Intellectually I agree with all the points in the first post but from experience it's just not that easy to change.

It's simple to tell someone who is afraid of insects to not be afraid because logically insects can't hurt you. But that won't help that person one bit.

If 100 guys take your boot camp how many have really changed behaviorally six months later?

Statistically I think all this PUA stuff (and all other self-help stuff) has a very low chance of "success".

 

[Ascent]

I've heard opinions elsewhere to the effect that the entire "PUA" paradigm of "approaching" girls and its rather simplistic identification of "approach anxiety" as the impediment to conducting thousands of these is either a cultivated reification serving to increase the need for PUA related services or at the very least a damaging (if perhaps all but unavoidable - how else is a man to think about the premeditated process of approaching strangers with a view to seducing them?) way of even thinking about the issue and situations involved.

There is definitely something to this - one can approach a pretty girl for directions without a thought, but the prospect of approaching with a view to chatting her up fills so many men with paralytic dread, yet the physical actions in both cases are identical? Only the man's mental environment differs, rather radically.

A bullet point list of reasons it is OK to approach various girls at the end of the day is likely just useless in bypassing a series of deeply wired emotional responses, dooming most men to failure as far as changing their personality on so fundamental a level goes. The same goes for the simplistic admonition "don't be afraid of rejection". Naturally those not really dealing with these issues can immediately benefit from the tactical knowledge "PUA" thought provides, though.

This is more likely better dealt with as clinically diagnosed phobias (we might loosely group "approach anxiety" in with other social phobias) are dealt with, via "exposure therapy" and an incremental series of encounters over a long period of time, in a variety of situations, and with a view to fully converting to a "will chat up women in any and all situations" mindset. That said, attempting to retrain one's own brain in this context is rather complicated by the fact most attempts to chat up random women are likely to result in a negative outcome (or at least, positive reinforcement is going to be almost non-existent), and it's unlikely many men are going to be able to talk themselves into believing the outcome of their effort to hit on a girl doesn't matter.

Nobody after all expects arachnophobes to overcome their fear of spiders on the basis of a patient explanation of why they are our little helpers in the home. People cannot generally talk themselves out of anxiety or phobias. Only physical exposure without subsequent injury seems to help.

I only recently noticed in making my own approaches that my efforts had essentially constituted a protracted and ongoing period of exposure therapy, and just trying to think away or rationalise the issue is probably a fundamentally mistaken method of dealing with it.

In my own case, only deliberately removing any other recourse and devoting extreme amounts of effort allowed any progress at all. It is probably not realistic to expect this level of motivation or long term commitment from most attempted practitioners... I certainly doubt many are able to make the full transition. Certainly hardly any with only the extrinsic influence of a few hours of instruction.

And of course this does not even begin to address the effectiveness of the methods employed (even now I have yet to convert any form of approach into an actual intimate relationship... any Japanese who mentions the phrase "yellow cab" to me can expect an earful!).

 

[User#8628]

How about girls picking up boys?
Do men still see it as manly and unattractive when a girl talks to them first?

I'm a very shy person and also not actively trying to be in the dating scene at the moment (my escort work satisfies a lot of the needs) but just curious.

Not work related too because that could cause trouble with the police, haha.

But in general, how do you guys would feel if a girl approached you (not trying to drag you into a commission bar) and what would you want her to say?

 

[Vulkan]

I think it's totally fine and would definitely be happy about it unlesss she's looking for free language lessons...
Just say hi with your best smile and then try asking for line/contact exchange by suggesting to have coffee sometime soon.