First of all, how do you deal with the constant worry of being judged by others? Do you just accept that you will be constantly judged or do you act like it doesn't exist and pretend that nobody's wondering about why you're moving awkwardly all alone on a dance floor? The guy behind me's judging me for trying to approach a girl way out of my league and getting rejected. Getting a flat out non-response or "ew" when approaching a girl. Or just girls looking at you like you're where you shouldn't be. Bouncer looking at you like you're not dressed well enough. All seem like very likely to happen. Specially being a single guy with no wingman, I'll probably get more side eyes than the usual folk. This all seems a little degrading. With that said, I don't like half-measures so if I just approach women with "may I approach" is that allowed or what?
As a gamer maybe you'd appreciate:
Nothing is sacred, everything is permitted.
Basically, you make the rules. And the great secret to it all is fuck what everyone else thinks, pursue what you want even though the whole world might oppose you and through that action you will achieve. But spend too much time looking in the rearview or checking to see who is or isn't looking at you isn't gonna end well. That's also the secret to being "cool" is to act with integrity to your goals and desires without care for others opinions.
Like the guy who is dancing his ass off on the dance floor by himself. Everybody wishes they could just let go that much. Or the guy talking to the girl. Everybody wishes they could do it too. So when they look at you, as long as you're not pretending to be cool or smooth or anything like that, and instead going for what you want, people will either respect you or hate you (because your ability to do it highlights their lack of ability to do the same thing).
Ok, girls at the club just want free drinks. You'll spend more money on overpriced drinks at the club leaving you up all night with the hopes that she will go back to the hotel with you. It doesn't happen that often.
I strongly disagree with this. If you don't want to buy drinks, there's an easy way to get around this -- don't! With enough charm, not buying drinks is never a problem. And if you sassume that buying drinks somehow gains you something, ties their fate to yours, or otherwise gets you some control over the girl you've already lost.
This really seems more in my avenue. How do you approach people in a bar? Scratch that, am I allowed to approach people? Scratch that, I’ll just brush up on some bar etiquettes and not-to-do’s and wing it. Actually, I could use a tip or two. You’ve all been very helpful btw.
Yes you're allowed. Anywhere. Any time. Don't worry about etiquette just go in guns blazing, risk being bold, risk offending, risk coming across as weird or creepy and you will do just fine. Not with every single girl. But with the right ones and with more and more over time. It's a skill you just have to put in the hours.
The important thing is to not go to a place where you are the oldest guy in the room and clearly out of place. I guess some very fit and cool older guys can get away with it, especially if they are wearing money (high ¥ watch, shoes, suit) but in general, if you are more than a few years out of the range, you will get no play.
I also disagree with this. I regularly take MUCH older students out and they do very well. When listening to advice in this thread, be wary of people bringing their unfounded preconceptions based on how they imagine the world to be rather than what they've seen and experienced themselves. Older guys are certainly a specific demographic but can do very well in all environments. And OP is 30 right? Age shouldn't even come up as a talking point here imo
So you have tried all the other activities in the world and none of them caught your fancy? Well, that's a bummer.
But if instead you are just like some of us were younger (ahem) then I would suggest you get your ass up from that chair and go out. There is no excuse in Tokyo to not try to find something interesting to do; the place is literally full of people with different hobbies, normal, strange and outright weird.
Remember that trying everything once is OK, unless it's your cousin or line dancing. Yes, that means homo too. Try one hundred different things and then come back to tell us there was nothing that you enjoyed.
MikeH, as usual, with the on point thoughts. I agree, you really need to find some real-world activities you like. Gaming is cool as a distraction but if it's really you're sun and stars you're not going to be able to relate to other people very well. It's time to confront your social anxiety so props for coming here and saying basically exactly that.
My advice is a little different.
Just talk to everybody, everywhere. Start with people who will already talk to you - go into apparel stores and chat up the female clerks. Start by talking about the clothes and then move on to something unrelated.
Hit up combini staff. Old ladies waiting for the bus. Ask them what time it's coming and if they take it daily. Ask if it'll rain today. Etc. And so on. Get comfortable chatting and gradually switch to less "small talk" and more personal chats. Have fun, spread smiles.
Find activities you like, clubs or sports or something. Exercise is good for you and not really optional in my book. We only get one time around on this Earth you gotta maximize it and get out of the chair, get your body moving, get your mind flowing.
Clubs might be a bit overwhelming. Bars might be more friendly and yeah IPs certainly so. Can also try speed dating and meetups. Hit them all up!!