I'm curious about your discussion of enthusiasm. Do you ever feel out of place being enthusiastic or " active" around Japanese woman. I find them to often be cold- I sometimes feel like I'm way too active in the conversation- and sometimes this is with women who are attracted to me. In other words, how do you " warm up" an encounter?
I understand if you don't want Q and A, though.
No worries. I don't mind some exchange of information and experiences. I will answer the question, but it may at first seem roundabout.
Western VS Japanese Body Language & Facial Expressions
1) Traditionally, many Japanese women expect men to be cool/laid back/unemotional, even if she is highly animated/emotional OR not.
A Westerner being highly animated can come off as him being childish/uncool, or even worse, very desparate. Japanese, in my opinion, often misinterpret Westerners being enthusiastic about a topic/discussion. Japanese can get weirded out by how Westerners express themselves, in the same way we can about their mannerisms.
Consequently, since we are in Japan, we should arguably move towards the middle between both cultures.
2) However, the flip side that is very disconcerting for many Western guys, is it's fine for Japanese women to be as animated or as very unemotional as she likes.
A Westerner has to be careful to NOT follow along with how she is moving, but LEAD the interaction, so she is following you.
3) Sexually, you would be looking for enthusiasm OR submissiveness.
The problem with the Japanese version of submissiveness, is that it can look like she is unemotional and uninterested. A Westerner has to train their eye and mind for clues on which is which.
When Japanese women are being submissive, they are following along with your comments and movements.
When they are uninterested in a guy and unemotional, they are doing whatever they want in how she is expressing herself or under the radar disrespect. This disrespect, can take experience for Westerners to pick up on. It can be waving her hand in front of your faces, not looking you in the eye, defensive arm crossing, covering her breasts with a sweater, moving her upper body away from you, etc...
4) Western body language, particularly common hand and arm gestures can be unsettling to Japanese. Japanese women can start moving away from you or get in physically defensive positions. Many Western guys fail to pick up on their random arm/hand gestures and how they are affecting Japanese around them.
5) You want your hand and arm movements to be slow, strong, specific, and relaxed. Preferably, use the hand and arm that is AWAY from her, if you are being expressive while talking.
6) If you use the near/closer hand and arm, it would for specific things like a high five. Other movements would be a smooth touch of her hand, back of her arm, her back (non-sexually threatening touch points). Usually, you would touch her as a kind of REWARD for saying comments that you like. "Yeah, I like pizza too. High five."
7) Same goes for facial expressions. Random over enthusiastic expressions, tend to make the guy look childish/weak/uncool/desparate with many Japanese.
Preferably, you want distinct facial movements, and where you are flirting with her. Give her a wink, raise an eybrow, lick your lips. It's often better to be smoothly controlled in your mannerisms. It conveys power and strength to many Japanese, and a kind of just under the surface fun. For some guys, it will take practice to look more calm, smooth, and yet playful.
Warming Up An Encounter
1) A certain percentage is HER, not you.
You can't force it, if she lacks enthusiasm and has a mean look on her face... You can only help her enthusiasm along...
2) Smile
Lots of guys get so focused, they forgot this easy one.
3) Flirt using facial expressions
Many guys don't realize the power of this.
4) Pull her into the conversation.
Talk about something she is wearing, like her fingernails, shoes, dress, hair... "Excuse me,I happened to notice your...
Be very flexible in conversation topics, where if one topic is dying, be able to QUICKLY jump to another.
Ask her easy questions AND for her opinions, not just you talking. It's a skill. Not too many hard questions, but make sure she is VERY actively participating in the conversation.
Women who are more submissive than outwardly showing enthusiasm will do more head nods and facial confirmation, like smiling. They may let you talk, while they give short answers, so the guy doesn't know how into it she is.
To check if quiet/submissive women are into the conversation, you don't have to force them to ask questions, but can go by physical clues. Nod your head, see if she does the same. Smile, see if she does too. See how she reacts to non-sexual touches, quick hand holding, and quick hugs. Emphasis on seemingly innocent brief and quick touches at first.
