Soft/hard breakups, money in relationships and other tangential considerations

[ur19877]

I love when they cry in front of me. I lite up a smoke and order another drink.

I hate when I have to beg them to come back.......all the false promises I'll make just so I can make them fall for me again so I can enjoy that smoke and drink scenario.

I've had both actually.....I like a good screaming match when it's called for. I hate the Dear John letters.....

This is a pretty bad ass post...

 

[vargas]

I was just having a conversation with someone recently and I think I've come to my own personal conclusion that I prefer Japanese girls who've attained a western education and have spent enough time abroad to get some of my humor and slang. I'm not sure I could survive a LTR with a Japanese girl who hasn't been abroad or spent a decent amount of time overseas where she could expand her understanding of other cultures. (Selfishly, I'm speaking of English speaking countries.)

Same here, definitely prefer girls who have a bit of a cosmopolitan mindset. Japan’s a great place, I really enjoy the country and the people, but it’s definitely possible for a girl to be way too Japanese for my comfort Need a bit more openness to different ideas and experiences to really get along in a serious relationship.

 

[vargas]

I didn't mean to derail my own thread but yes I'm aware of that. I only heard of that stereotype about Chinese girls this week when talking about it to several friends as they all reacted like Vargas when I mentioned her nationality. I wonder whether Chinese guys cope with that kind of shit because they're demographically at a disadvantage towards women (I heard it's a bit of a sausage fest over there with many guys forced to remain single their whole life).

Yeah the imbalanced gender ratio in China can’t help, and it probably has something to do with many people going from dirt poor to fairly wealthy in a generation or two. You get the new money syndrome where people get incredibly materialistic, takes time to die down.

In a lot of ways I feel like Chinese and American cultures are similar whereas Japanese behave a bit more European. American girls generally expect a guy to pay for everything and buy them fancy presents where Japanese and Europeans will offer to split the bill and not expect as much financially.

With Japanese girls I’ve received genuine thanks and slight embarrassment at always being treated even after years together. Thinking back though this Chinese girl stopped saying thanks after we started having sex Although she shows appreciation in other ways so it’s fine.

 

[Des Esseintes]

Thinking back though this Chinese girl stopped saying thanks after we started having sex Although she shows appreciation in other ways so it’s fine.

Yea, mine once explained to me that men need sex the way women need money so it's in the natural order of things that men should show their love through money and women through sexual favours.

 

[BB0523]

OP...I know these are just words and I really appreciate you sharing your story and can feel your...Emotional dilemma... You must have the patience of JOBE.... 3 months you had to wait for sex and you were still there paying for everything and not a fucking Xie Xie ? Consider yourself lucky that you lost this one quiet or noisy... cultural difference my ass.... sounds like she was self centered and selfish.. I'm not trying to be rude or callus, and I'm only hearing 1 side of the story to which there are always 2 sides. Men show their love through money... yes you did.... you paid for everything and yet, sadly that was not enough.... she wanted half of your salary as well... and when you refused... Poof like a cloud of smoke she has quietly vanished..... I think she did you a favor and saved you from more incurred expenses.... ""You should be Lighting up a smoke and ordering a drink ""

I know it sux to be without your girl... but time heals all wounds and it was not meant to be, because there is another waiting just for you ! ! You just haven't found her yet... Hang with your mates, and focus on exercise... it will allow you to process the relationship and don't kick yourself.. it's one of life's lessons so learn from it and do not repeat it...

 

[TAG Manager]

How appropriate... just as I was re-reading this... this song popped up.

 

[Frenchy]

Yea, mine once explained to me that men need sex the way women need money so it's in the natural order of things that men should show their love through money and women through sexual favours.

Honestly , there is some (twisted and cynical) truth to that.

 

[TAG Manager]

Back on topic... I used to be the kind of guy that got tunnel vision when a new girl came around, but gladly, things changed.

I just prefer something more meaningful these days. Materialistic people get a instant no thanks.

 

[Frenchy]

How appropriate... just as I was re-reading this... this song popped up.

View attachment 5829

Warning ! Dangerous song ! Dont play it with female company around !

 

[MikeH]

My mum always warns me not to date PRC girls to avoid the problems and character traits like O.P described. (yes, i also seem to think it's a cultural/upbringing thing)

Then again one of the least materialistic girls I ever met for longer term was a mainland Chinese girl living in Tokyo. We met every now and then for something like three years. She would take me to try Chinese restaurants she knew and always managed to sneakily pay the bill before I even knew what was happening. Happily that then left me with more cash to pay for a nice hotel so win-win?

 

[jhingy567]

Then again one of the least materialistic girls I ever met for longer term was a mainland Chinese girl living in Tokyo. We met every now and then for something like three years. She would take me to try Chinese restaurants she knew and always managed to sneakily pay the bill before I even knew what was happening. Happily that then left me with more cash to pay for a nice hotel so win-win?

Yes, it is a little bit of a generalisation and ofcourse would not apply to all girls from PRC.

A bit like saying Germans are serious people - but I know one you could make Hitler jokes with.

 

[vargas]

Then again one of the least materialistic girls I ever met for longer term was a mainland Chinese girl living in Tokyo. We met every now and then for something like three years. She would take me to try Chinese restaurants she knew and always managed to sneakily pay the bill before I even knew what was happening. Happily that then left me with more cash to pay for a nice hotel so win-win?

Yeah to be fair I should have said that I’ve noticed Chinese girls to be materialistic in a very obvious way. I don’t think your average Japanese girl is any less desiring of brand name goods, just not as direct about it. I once had a university girl from a really good family who always dated older guys like myself because they bought her fancy things and took her fancy places. She never asked for anything, and no cash was involved, but you could definitely tell that what made her happy was male attention and expensive things

 

[MikeH]

Yeah to be fair I should have said that I’ve noticed Chinese girls to be materialistic in a very obvious way.

Yeah, I count that to less education and sophistication and being more straight forward in general. Similar Japanese girls tend to be more covert in their operations.

And then again I end up getting my prejudices broken as the Chinese girl I was talking about was a country girl and had never put her foot in to a university campus.

 

[vargas]

Damn it, now you guys have got me feeling all grateful that my Chinese girl is so sweet and undemanding. I’m going to have to take her out for a really nice dinner to make up for being an asshole all the time, it’s really a wonder she puts up with me

 

[Des Esseintes]

Then again one of the least materialistic girls I ever met for longer term was a mainland Chinese girl living in Tokyo. We met every now and then for something like three years. She would take me to try Chinese restaurants she knew and always managed to sneakily pay the bill before I even knew what was happening. Happily that then left me with more cash to pay for a nice hotel so win-win?

If you two were seeing each other on a one off basis that would still fit within the narrative my ex gave me, as she explained that she would never let any other man but the "special one" (her words) pay for anything as it's supposed to be an honour a girl bestows upon a guy. At some point we considered being friends and she said that in that case she would not let me pay for anything. Her reasoning was also that if a man does not spend considerable amounts of money on a woman then the woman cannot feel comfortable with him as there would always be the suspicion that he's saving up for another woman. That was her way of explaining that she was not materialistic when I pointed to her a possible contradiction between her political orientation (radical left wing) and her relationship to money.

Needless to say I don't buy any of that.

 

[Des Esseintes]

I edited the title of the topic to reflect what we are actually discussing here

Damn it, now you guys have got me feeling all grateful that my Chinese girl is so sweet and undemanding. I’m going to have to take her out for a really nice dinner to make up for being an asshole all the time, it’s really a wonder she puts up with me

Could it be that she doesn't consider you as her main guy?

 

[vargas]

her political orientation (radical left wing) and her relationship to money.

Oh god, delete every contact method and hope she forgets about you ASAP. Leftists are always super eager to spend someone else’s money. It’s hilarious how every leftist woman in twitter has a link to her patreon or PayPal account like people should just donate money to make up for her poor life choices.

 

[vargas]

Could it be that she doesn't consider you as her main guy?

Oh definitely. I’m her only guy but it’s just a FWB thing. Plus she has a good career and takes care of herself well, no need for help. Though having a good job doesn’t stop a lot of women from blowing all their money on bags or shoes and being broke

 

[Des Esseintes]

Oh god, delete every contact method and hope she forgets about you ASAP.

Well I just saw that our line chat that started in January now is an "empty chat" and that she left it yesterday. I still have her phone number and email but all of that is irrelevant since the main thing is that she knows where I live, work, has my picture and can post anything about me. Yesterday when the mailman rung the bell for the first time in my life I looked through the peephole before opening the door. I sure hope she's just money-obsessed and not crazy vengeful or anything.

 

[vargas]

Well I just saw that our line chat that started in January now is an "empty chat" and that she left it yesterday. I still have her phone number and email but all of that is irrelevant since the main thing is that she knows where I live, work, has my picture and can post anything about me. Yesterday when the mailman rung the bell for the first time in my life I looked through the peephole before opening the door. I sure hope she's just money-obsessed and not crazy vengeful or anything.

Oh sorry, I’m mostly joking. While it’s true that most leftists would love to establish re-education camps where they’d send all the productive people for hard labor after draining the last yen from their pockets, I doubt this girl would want to risk getting arrested and then deported for harassing you. Plus since she did the breaking up she’s probably ready to move on.

 

[Frenchy]

If you two were seeing each other on a one off basis that would still fit within the narrative my ex gave me, as she explained that she would never let any other man but the "special one" (her words) pay for anything as it's supposed to be an honour a girl bestows upon a guy. At some point we considered being friends and she said that in that case she would not let me pay for anything. Her reasoning was also that if a man does not spend considerable amounts of money on a woman then the woman cannot feel comfortable with him as there would always be the suspicion that he's saving up for another woman. That was her way of explaining that she was not materialistic when I pointed to her a possible contradiction between her political orientation (radical left wing) and her relationship to money.

Needless to say I don't buy any of that.

I've heard all sorts of interesting bullshit from ladies but the one you mention is high in the overall ranking! Did you keep a straight face when you heard that?

 

[Des Esseintes]

I've heard all sorts of interesting bullshit from ladies but the one you mention is high in the overall ranking! Did you keep a straight face when you heard that?

That was in a line conversation. Online chatting has this perverse effect that since I never physically saw her saying all of that, in my mind I still can't quite reconcile the two sides of her personality. She seemed so sincere and affectionate and perfectly genuine in person that it still seems like it couldn't possibly be the same person.

 

[BB0523]

That was in a line conversation. Online chatting has this perverse effect that since I never physically saw her saying all of that, in my mind I still can't quite reconcile the two sides of her personality. She seemed so sincere and affectionate and perfectly genuine in person that it still seems like it couldn't possibly be the same person.

If that is the case that it was a LINE conversation and then suddenly disappear... Maybe it was 2 people... ? ?

 

[Desktop]

Deleting everything on Line & leaving the conversation is the new "She packed her bags & left"

 

[BB0523]

Isn't the term called "Ghosting" ? ?