Soft/hard breakups, money in relationships and other tangential considerations

[User#8628]

I like to hear what she really thinks of me

I dont think what people say in a moment of anger is always the same as what they REALLY think of you.

 

[User#8628]

I wonder whether Chinese guys cope with that kind of shit because they're demographically at a disadvantage towards women

I'm pretty sure this is the reason.
Because of the one child rule, a guy really has to bring a lot to the table if he wants to get married.

 

[Des Esseintes]

I dont think what people say in a moment of anger is always the same as what they REALLY think of you.

It might be exaggerated but it does reveal something that might never come out otherwise. Kinda like what people say when they're drunk or stoned.

 

[MikeH]

It might be exaggerated but it does reveal something that might never come out otherwise.

I think I am more with Alice here. At least I have known couple of girls who just try to hurt you when they get angry. So I don't think what they say that time is more honest or sincere, just something they think will hurt you the most.

 

[vondoom]

i had three breakups in my lifetime, all long term (more or less) and no other experiences with anything else, other than those... all happened long before i moved to japan, so also no experiences with any asian women...

first one called me one night, told me she hates me and that was that...
second one and me just come to the conclusion that we became more friends than partners and we just ended it...
third one: i came home from work and half of my flat was empty and shes been gone...

now looking back, while the first and third one appear to be fast and simple, i prefer the second one..

 

[MikeH]

first one called me one night, told me she hates me and that was that...

How does that work? Like you are dating together for a long time and then she goes "Oh, by the way I fucking hate everything in you"?

 

[Rusty Trombone]

For me, the cowards way is best, as it generates enough hatred to ensure the relationship dies.
Trying to end things as friends just doesn't work for me.

Strangely my most recent experience was with a Chinese woman too. Been together for 18 months with a few ons and offs, but always got back together.
Something happened that made me realize that no matter how much I liked her, I was not good for her.

We'd always got back together, so the break had to be something final. So I took the cowards way out and LINEd her.

Now she really hates me with a passion, which was the goal. The only contact I've had from her was an angry email, calling me a coward, and how happy she was with someone new. Deleted Line, WhatsAp, Wechat contacts. Only way to contact her now is by email.

I still care very deeply about her, and miss her a lot.

 

[User#6517]

The only contact I've had from her was an angry email, calling me a coward, and how happy she was with someone new. Deleted Line, WhatsAp, Wechat contacts. Only way to contact her now is by email.

I still care very deeply about her, and miss her a lot.

If she said that without you asking about it, she most likely misses you back.

 

[BB0523]

For me, the cowards way is best, as it generates enough hatred to ensure the relationship dies.
Trying to end things as friends just doesn't work for me.

Strangely my most recent experience was with a Chinese woman too. Been together for 18 months with a few ons and offs, but always got back together.
Something happened that made me realize that no matter how much I liked her, I was not good for her.

We'd always got back together, so the break had to be something final. So I took the cowards way out and LINEd her.

Now she really hates me with a passion, which was the goal. The only contact I've had from her was an angry email, calling me a coward, and how happy she was with someone new. Deleted Line, WhatsAp, Wechat contacts. Only way to contact her now is by email.

I still care very deeply about her, and miss her a lot.

I can relate to that... I've done what you call the cowards way...usually because I know the girl is a bit of a nutter... so best to send from afar. However, I prefer to remain friends... it's my personality... it takes longer to get over if I know I was a coward or dick and they hate me. I still get over it, but it takes longer. I've been dumped over LINE... I think I responded you are dumping over LINE ? That's great lets me know even more what kind of person you really are..... In the end... there are nice people and not nice people... in our travels through this live we end up with both and break ups are just part and parcel to life... We can develop a breakup ritual like TokyoJoeBlow - light a smoke and order a drink... or whatever suits us.. but if you have a "fall back" position or routine, it won't make it quite as difficult I think. IMO

 

[warubuta]

Sex, love, friendship and money.....They say that the vast majority of relationships between men and women, including marriages, end over money. No doubt in many cases there are deeper issues at work, but money is the one that comes to the surface and creates the rupture. In the case of the OP, I can't help but think that this Chinese girl convinced herself that it was OK to put her relationship on the line to solve her money problem. Good for the OP that he called her on it and now she still has her money problem and no boyfriend to boot. Maybe she will learn something from the experience. But my guess is that she had another sucker waiting in the wings. If not she was fairly confident that she would find one soon enough.

I really feel sorry for the poor slobs who end up with gold diggers. Even if you are loaded and can afford it it still sucks. What you want is a cheap ass hard knocks girl from Osaka who understands the power of green. Mine grew up in a broken home living in a danchi in Minami Osaka. She is always watching the pennies, but she knows how to spend for value and she always gets the biggest possible bang for the buck. She also doesn't bug me when I feel like blowing a wad on something stupid. But she never buys stupid shit and she treats my hard-earned money with respect. These girls who expect you to buy them expensive handbags and nonsense like that, you see one of those, just act like you stumbled on a tiger in the jungle. Don't look in their eyes, and walk backwards slowly.

 

[vargas]

But she never buys stupid shit and she treats my hard-earned money with respect. These girls who expect you to buy them expensive handbags and nonsense like that, you see one of those, just act like you stumbled on a tiger in the jungle. Don't look in their eyes, and walk backwards slowly.

I agree, particularly for serious relationships, someone who can’t save and spends frivolously is going to wreck your life and have a miserable future unless you can really keep them under control.

But man, I’ve definitely got a big thing for girls with great taste in expensive clothing and accessories. The perfectly dressed and made up sort you occasionally see walking around in Ginza, generally wearing very expensive foreign brands like Hermès. Around 25 or younger but dressed like someone with decades of experience, perfect makeup, style much closer to a European model than that crap you see in Harajuku, but still Japanese.

I’d take one of those girls over ten of any other sort and no problem keeping her in style. But the hostess sort who has a Chanel habit? Hell no.

 

[User#8628]

I've been dumped over LINE...

The guy who took my V card dumped me by text me by text message a month later. The reason he gave was that i had said about one sentence that really felt as pushing him to do something (being more adventurous with a part of our sex life) and thats "the thing he hates the most". Pffff

 

[jhingy567]

The guy who took my V card dumped me by text me by text message a month later. The reason he gave was that i had said about one sentence that really felt as pushing him to do something (being more adventurous with a part of our sex life) and thats "the thing he hates the most". Pffff

Wut


By adventurous: did you suggest involving other guys or something ??

 

[User#8628]

Wut


By adventurous: did you suggest involving other guys or something ??

No, we experimented a bit with SM, and he said we shouldn't go further than we actually went and i said we should get into it a bit more. It involved a bit risky things like choking and slapping, but it was by no means cutting off each others limbs and drinking our blood...

 

[MikeH]

By adventurous: did you suggest involving other guys or something ??

Then again even if she suggested involving a donkey, six pints of maple syrup and strap-on that's never a reason for a break up. If you can't speak freely and suggest anything then it's not a relationship for longer term anyway.

 

[jhingy567]

If she said that without you asking about it, she most likely misses you back.

Sorry,.....can someone explain this?

My Mum sometimes rings Dad out of the blue to tell him how happy she is with her new husband. He doesn't ask for the phone call and Mum definitely DOES NOT miss him. Probably does this just to rub it in his face.

 

[User#6517]

Sorry,.....can someone explain this?

My Mum sometimes rings Dad out of the blue to tell him how happy she is with her new husband. He doesn't ask for the phone call and Mum definitely DOES NOT miss him. Probably does this just to rub it in his face.

It depends on the person, I guess. I’d assume the latter reason is correct.

I’ve done it before back when I was really immature in my relationships. That’s how I know it can be like that.. and it seems like Anna and Alice agree with me, so it’s a good possibility.

 

[User#8628]

It depends on the person, I guess. I’d assume the latter reason is correct.

I’ve done it before back when I was really immature in my relationships. That’s how I know it can be like that.. and it seems like Anna and Alice agree with me, so it’s a good possibility.

Yes, i think in many cases they miss their partner.
But maybe in jhingi's mother's case she is still angry about the way she split up with her ex husband and she wants to rub in how she's "more happy" (in her own opinion) than him.

 

[BB0523]

No, we experimented a bit with SM, and he said we shouldn't go further than we actually went and i said we should get into it a bit more. It involved a bit risky things like choking and slapping, but it was by no means cutting off each others limbs and drinking our blood...

You shouldn't have been so rough on him Alice... some boys are very sensitive and from the sound of things... maybe you should have slapped and choked him harder. If he took you V card and knew about it...and did that...

 

[warubuta]

I agree, particularly for serious relationships, someone who can’t save and spends frivolously is going to wreck your life and have a miserable future unless you can really keep them under control.

But man, I’ve definitely got a big thing for girls with great taste in expensive clothing and accessories. The perfectly dressed and made up sort you occasionally see walking around in Ginza, generally wearing very expensive foreign brands like Hermès. Around 25 or younger but dressed like someone with decades of experience, perfect makeup, style much closer to a European model than that crap you see in Harajuku, but still Japanese.

I’d take one of those girls over ten of any other sort and no problem keeping her in style. But the hostess sort who has a Chanel habit? Hell no.

I also like the classy young babes who look like money. I used to love to take a hot yound thing to Barneys in Shinjuku and blow a wad on her. Style rather than fashion. Pretty rare these days. Back in the day there were more of them around. Of course back in the day I also had a closet full of Hugo Boss suits. Nowadays I wear mostly Patagonia and Nike. Fuck what happened?

 

[jhingy567]

You shouldn't have been so rough on him Alice... some boys are very sensitive and from the sound of things... maybe you should have slapped and choked him harder. If he took you V card and knew about it...and did that...

Think it's the other way around here.
But in any case, he seems stupidly sensitive

I definitely would not mind being choked and slapped (softly) by a girl, especially Alice - she doesn't seem the type to do that though haha.

Not sure if many other guys like this type of thing? Though It sure as hell sounds better than "Findom"

 

[vargas]

I also like the classy young babes who look like money. I used to love to take a hot yound thing to Barneys in Shinjuku and blow a wad on her. Style rather than fashion. Pretty rare these days. Back in the day there were more of them around. Of course back in the day I also had a closet full of Hugo Boss suits. Nowadays I wear mostly Patagonia and Nike. Fuck what happened?

Hah yeah in the winter I basically wear nothing but gym clothes since they’re comfy and save time changing at the gym. When I’m going out it’s easy enough to change and I need a shower anyway

Does indeed seem harder to find stylish girls these days. Maybe because Japan’s economy has sucked for so long and there aren’t even permanent jobs for a big percentage of young people anymore. The gorgeous girls I’ve met have only been available during a short window between college and getting married, and even then there’s a lot of competition.

 

[MikeH]

Of course back in the day I also had a closet full of Hugo Boss suits. Nowadays I wear mostly Patagonia and Nike. Fuck what happened?

I don't know what went wrong in general but at least the quality of Boss suits went down like a girl after seeing a beautiful dick. The inner lining of the jackets is tearing up only after a year of moderate use and I don't even roll down in the dirt with them. At least not anymore.

I probably need to find another brand to buy from now, but I hate shopping for clothes so just going in to a Boss shop every time and getting their newest standard suit when I was out of Japan was so convenient.

 

[BB0523]

I stopped buying rack suites for the same reason... quality is for shit regardless of brand... I get tailored suits when I'm out traveling as long as they have a decent fabric. Last couple times in Milano I've found a great place where you can get a good suit for 250Euros then have it tailored abit to fit me... 44L jacket always comes with 36-38 pants...so the pants have to be re-cut. I had some suits made in Ukraine and they have held up with loads of use... and they were cheap... $150 including fabric. There is a Tailor shop in Hiroo close to the small JPost... I haven't been in, but they appear to have nice stuff - from the window... My guess is that they want 100,000JPY for a suit... I just cant bring myself to pay that anymore....

 

[Frenchy]

Sometimes you can get very good taylor-made suits deals in department stores, when they do campaigns. As low as 60000 yen for two suits. And they use good European fabrics.