Too Fat & Too Ugly For Japanese Girls/woman

[SpookySmoothie]

I think this may be another of those situations where OP is asking for people's advice but is very much wanting to do things his way and just have people re-enforce that he's right without actually considering his options.

You really need the face to face contact approach dating apps don't really work unless you have model good looks or show off how much money you have. The problem with these things is you judge far too much on a photo alone and it doesn't tell you anything about the experience that person brings. What you want to do is much like a sales pitch you want them to see what you are offering is beneficial to them more so than what somebody else is offering. Focus on your good points not the bad anyone can hit the gym to lose weight or wear clothes that compliment them but what you need is to show why they should give you their time.

If they are thinking "Hey he's really fun to be around and he's smart,easy to talk to" and so on then they see that their life would be better with you around especially if you fill them with self confidence and make them feel positive. If you put out always a negative aura then it makes others feel bad and people don't like that. Focus on the long term targets instead of just comparing yourself to friends experiences of being able to sleep with girls you're not on a game show and there is no mega prizes to be won from sleeping with the most girls.

Focus on having fun and building confidence around girls before working on getting your penis into their orifices.

 

[NormalGuy]

OK, the bitch you met through Tinder before was a complete c***, but unfortunately you have to learn to deal with people like her in life.

While she took the piss out of you stood in your boxers she was displaying her personality, and everyone would agree that her personality leaves a lot to be desired. You can always get in shape, she will always be a c***.

I shouldn't worry too much about her though, she'll be knocked up / knocked about by the "handsome hunk" that she deserves, and you'll see her in 20 years time, looking about 50 years older, having managed to move 5 miles from where she grew up, with a string of kids from different dads (most of whom either ended up in jail or shagging her best friends) thinking she has a good life.

To your point, Truth, Japanese society in general is very body concious, if you are overweight they will point it out and you will have a harder time finding a partner here if you are overweight. People do see overweight people as being "amusing", and will often rub the belly of people with a beer belly. I get this a lot, but I also see overweight Japanese people getting this a lot (so unlike others, I don't think them racist pigs). Sure, I could do, like yourself, with finding time and the motivation to get in shape but it is difficult to find the right exercise program and the time to follow it through while also enjoying life.

You are young (far younger than me), so you have a great opportunity to address your issues. As others have said, join something that you find fun, make friends with Japanese people and become part of a group. As an outsider, especially once you get away from your University campus, you'll find it easier to make friends as people will remember you easier (because you don't blend in), but go in with a positive attitude, talk to people even if it's just to say Hi and build friendships. From those friendships, other friendships will blossom, until you have a group of friends in Japan that rivals your groups of friends that you had in your home country. Don't think about what sex these people are, males and females with a shared interest (whether it be from the same bar, same music tastes, yoga etc) are there to be friends first and once you are comfortable with a large group of friends talking to other people will come naturally. Friends introduce you to their friends, and all of sudden it's not a big deal and you are happy just talking through shared interests etc. This WILL lead to friend zoning, but it will also lead you to finding someone who is interested in you as a person and wants to get to know you.

Sort out your weight, I know I'm a hypocrite here but 6 months and you will feel a hell of a lot better about yourself. I can't recommend any exercise program (I did Insanity last time I sorted myself out), but if you go to a gym, eat healthily and find something in life to keep you interested then your body will change shape. It takes a long time, and you will get to the point where you wonder what the point is, but think of that bitch laughing at you in your pants and use that to motivate yourself to get to the gym.

Reading through your responses, I empathise a lot. I understand that you want a proper girlfriend, but as you said a ONS would suffice (because you want to know that someone is attracted to you, even for just one night). What you shouldn't be doing is comparing yourself to the other people that you meet.

Face facts, every one of us will always encounter someone; better looking, richer, better body, better at chatting up women, more notches on the bedpost etc. Comparing yourself to other people is pointless. You never compare yourself to their bad points, always to the things that they have that you see yourself lacking. Concentrate on living your life, and your life will get better, concentrate on what others are doing and you'll always feel inferior.

Life living in a foreign country can be isolating and lonely, but there are plenty of avenues to explore to get you meeting people. A few I can think of off the top of my head:
Meetup - Great for meeting people, both Japanese and Gaijin and there are plenty of groups in Tokyo doing all sorts of things.
Facebook - Quite a few different Facebook groups similar to Meetup
University campus groups - Loads of these for all sorts of different interests
Ward organised events - Loads of things going on around Tokyo dependant on your ward
Local bars - Find a bar that you like the vibe of, not a Hub, or a Hobgoblin type, just a normal local bar. Go in for a few days, don't expect people to talk to you at the start, but as time progresses you'll become a regular and people will be interested in your story.

I know it looks bleak at the moment, but trust me, I'm twice your age and not in shape at all and I'm having a lot of fun here. Sure, a lot of people judge me at first glance, but that's their loss and I do OK. Getting enough Japanese skills to be able to hold a basic conversation certainly helped, and I would prioritise this as being your first goal, getting in shape you should do anyway, not just because you'll feel a lot more confident, but also because it will give you energy and your general health will improve.

Chin up, life isn't as bad as you think it is at the moment.

 

[DJV]

Nice posts here,

2 paths you may follow :
- getting your social skills up by living all kind of face-to-face activities, short- and long-term. some p4p maybe if you don't get financially/emotionnaly burned and keep your head on the shoulders
- find a way to be an attractive person, be it beautiful/strong/confident or emotional/dark/inspiring or whatever combination. It's your future self you need to work on.

Look at this guy : I think he's badass and he may have struggled at some point : https://www.google.fr/search?q=lunchmoney+lewis

 

[john.smith]

I'll say it once again : you must consider JK style. I always fantasized on cute young J-Girls so I've been there.
It changed a lot my perspective.

Once I learnt that I can lay a cute girl just by paying, I started caring less on physical appearance of girls and more on enjoying conversation with them... I noticed that I got more Line since this time. (that said, I still never had sex outside P4P, but having P4P definitively improved my results with girls)

 

[majimekun]

My advice to the OP :

1.
Avoid one night stands at any cost because it will destroy you definitively if things don't go as well as expected.
Girls who are into ONS expect performance first. They simply want a good fuck.
What you need is a romance with someone who will show patience/consideration.

2.
Maybe you're idealizing too much Japanese girls.
Remove their makeup for 80% of them and you get average/below average girls.

3.
If you have the money you can become a sugar daddy for a young japanese girl.
I often see old/ugly looking dudes with young girls.
The trick is that they handle their wallet anytime needed.

4.
I see ugly people dating good looking ones almost on a daily basis.
If you have something else to offer, look isn't everything.
You focus too much on it.

5.
Maybe you should try paying for sex first in order to regain some confidence.

Good luck

 

[zero39Griller]

Totally agree with all the advice being offered. I was in a similar situation as you when I first arrived in Japan many years ago. I felt like shit because I didn't get any action until I tried P4P to improve my confidence. You have to have believe in yourself and try to find ways to improve your outlook on life. It takes one girl to notice the good guy you are and that is all that matters. For now try to show ladies your good side, your funny side, the side that makes you better than your boys. In time you will begin to score with the right lady. Don't give up!

 

[SpookySmoothie]

I'll say it once again : you must consider JK style. I always fantasized on cute young J-Girls so I've been there.
It changed a lot my perspective.

Once I learnt that I can lay a cute girl just by paying, I started caring less on physical appearance of girls and more on enjoying conversation with them... I noticed that I got more Line since this time. (that said, I still never had sex outside P4P, but having P4P definitively improved my results with girls)

It really is all about having the confidence. The longer you go with no action the more you get hung up on it and the harder things become in getting over the mountain you made for yourself. What is most important is you learn that girls are no different from you. They are not complicated mythical creatures that are beyond your reach they are human beings who have the same insecurities that you do and if you wish they can be bought and they do have a price.

Outside of p4p you just exchange the price of money for the price of worth on how much they feel their life and outlook will be improved with you around. Or their sex life whatever they are looking to spice up.

 

[Sudsy]

But I am not a sumo and my tits are unfortunately bigger than his ones.

And I am also not very pretty, so ...

I have a mate who was in a similar situation, and he used to pull women with regualrity. When he was single, he simply kept a t-shirt or singlet on the first few times he was with a new girl.

The big key to his success was that he simply compensated for his lack of physical appeal by working on his social appeal - he worked very hard at being witty and polite, and he spent his time with women asking them about themselves and encouraging them to talk about their interests rather than his. Worked well for him.

Now he's married to a cute little lady, and he's fatter and uglier than ever.

 

[split]

If it makes the OP feel any better. I've been here a year and haven't scored any freebees. And, I'm not ugly or very old. I know it will happen someday. I also know my standards are somewhat high. I had floods of admiring comments from girls half my age in another country the previous years, but not here.

Regarding Halloween. Go out with your cell phone in regular dress clothes taking pictures without your friends. That is one way to be pulled into conversation by random women here. I'm making my plans for next year already.

Regarding Tinder - no luck on that. It's a time-waster IMO.

 

[Dobermann88]

Dudes, thank for all your kind replies. I will try my best but I am not expecting great success.

I wasn't always "fat" but due to the disease I blowed up with weight and impure skin.

There's another story in my life I am also afraid of getting reaction like this:

The experience with the "shirt-off-girl" was the worst in my life but in the same period I dated another girl.

I've dated her several times, always looking as good as I could (haircut, after shave, etc.) but the morning after night we ended up was terrible as well (but not so hard because I had "fun" before ...)

I woke up next to her in her apartment and her first reaction after seeing me in the morning was frighting and screaming. She said that I am the ugliest man she has ever met. And I agreed with her because in the morning I am really the ugliest man on earth: no nice haircut anymore just flying and oily hair in all directions and my face looks like I have been boxing for 12 rounds. I take a picture of me almost every morning and every time I am scared about myself.


I know my self-confidence is anywhere at sub zero but these experiences made this.

 

[namae]

I am not talking about the (super) skinny ladies. I don't like this shape.

Please, do not misunderstand me. Actually I am not a guy for a ONS (BTW I wouldn't say no) I just want to learn some J-Girls and see what happens next.

But as men you hopefully understand that I can't be here for 2 years without any sexual fun.


Are there any tipps, club or recommendation or something else.

 

[namae]

Some food for thought:

1. Try going out without your mates. Solo or with a close friend.
2. Target restraunts, bars, cafes where women are looking for french guys.
3. Try advertising for french/Japanese language exchange or teaching french on the side in Starbucks
4. Target older woman 30-40
5. Keep your jacket/sports coat on as long as possible.... turn the lights down when your in naked mode.
6.Exercise and build muscle around the moobs....plenty of fat muscle men out there.
7. Don't be too picky. Beggars can't be choosers.

 

[Dobermann88]

Some food for thought:

4. Target older woman 30-40

Huh? Are mature women seeking for younger European guys??


I don't know how things are going around in Japan but in Europe women find not shaped men digusting.

 

[TAG Manager]

Huh? Are mature women seeking for younger European guys??

Yeah, this is pretty well know... nothing new.

I don't know how things are going around in Japan but in Europe women find not shaped men digusting.

You have got to stop with the negative vibes... that will be your ultimate downfall if you can't change your own perspective. We all agree that your physical situation may not be ideal, but before you can do anything.. you can't go out giving off such negativity.

 

[majimekun]

Japan is a weird country.
I mean, I'm constantly labeled by the terms "kakkoi", "ikemen" etc, I even had my 5 minutes of fame on the Japanese TV on the national scale.
Still, I have to work like crazy to get dates. REALLY.
I can spend a full day spamming the hell out of everybody on several apps just to get one single date in the end of the day.
It's hard for everybody I think.
It's a lot of work, but remember : you should never give up.

 

[Desktop]

There's quite a few guys here laying out good advice. Even a few paid options that guarantee you feeling good about yourself.
Start small go to a pink salon that's Gaijin friendly & get a BJ. Your shirt doesn't come off & you'll feel good afterward.
Then get inspired to work out more & feel a bit more confident around women. Taking some action can be life changing making excuses leaves you at the same place you were before you posted.

 

[Sinapse]

You'd be much better off just making some friends and getting to know some women as people instead of as objects of sexual desire. Getting laid isn't and shouldn't be a competition so what other guys are doing should mean nothing to you. Instead of going out to the bars all the time, get involved in a few hobbies that get you out of the house and meeting people. You might not find your perfect little geisha doll that you have your heart set on, but you'll definitely meet women that are interested.

Still the best advice on this thread IMO..

Yeah being negative about it is probably hurting you more than the actual man tits. If I were you I'd try to own your own insecurity as hard as possible. If they get shocked, just laugh and go "Ho ho ho" and rub your belly. Tell them to come give Buddha a kiss. Tell them they're on Santa's naughty list.

The less you care about it, the less they will. I've seen a lot of REALLY FAT and UGLY guys get some hot chicks, but they were always self-assured. If the girl detects chinks in the armor of your own self-image, she will be unattracted. But girls can definitely love a fat guy, provided he's comfortable with himself and fun. If you're fat I'd focus on becoming the MOST fun, positive guy in the room. Be the guy who includes everybody and makes everybody laugh and smile. Own your own body image, and accept yourself for who you are. Social circle is definitely your friend as @meiji said, and you should try to build a big one and roll around with your crew. Focus on giving value, smiles, and good feelings to everybody around you, until everybody has nothing but nice things to say about you. Own your own body image and be as confident as you can. Then, KNOW in your heart of hearts that girls can be attracted to you - because they can, if you accept yourself.

The whole time you should also be focusing on the long-term plan. Getting yourself into the best shape possible. Finding passions and hobbies that you love and get value from. Studying Japanese. Making friends and spreading the good feelings all around. Hooking other people up. Pretty soon you'll be much more attractive, positive, and with a healthy social circle and people will want to hook YOU up.

 

[Sinapse]

Oh and.. what if you actually did sumo? Might be fun and would definitely up the mote-mote

 

[Ladylisa]

There's a lot of good advice on this thread. And I'm very happy to see the PUAs and the P4P groups aligning here.

Yes, your biggest problem is confidence. Someone who is confident in their own skin is attractive.
I'm more confident in my own skin now than when I was younger (even though I can look back and see that I was smoking) and that makes a difference.

I also tend to mistrust men who are too good looking - but will rather go for a guy who is interesting and funny and really into me though he might not be as good looking.

(I have a friend who is balding with a big beer belly married to a lovely Japanese woman. Of course I would never ever consider doing anything with him, but I can see why he's attractive to her. He's funny and interesting and always has things going on.)

That being said I have had the situation with a couple of guys that I really liked personality wise but the physical attraction just wasn't there.
However I would never say such horrible cruel things as those women said to you.
I felt regret that I couldn't get past their appearance because I really liked them in so many other ways.

I like the advice about there being no competition about the number of women you sleep with.

My numbers are on the high side, but the best lover I ever had had pretty low numbers.

Sure go to P4P to get over feelings of frustration and disappointment.
I think that a good attitude and politeness and kindness to your provider go further than good looks.

Joining activity groups is an excellent idea. There are so many groups out there - and that is an excellent way to meet people that doesn't involve being judged on your appearance.
You may not get laid - but by becoming confident in talking with people including women (who shockingly are also people) you'll have people focusing on your good points rather than your bad points.

Oh and something I do suggest, is taking up dancing if you are at all rhythmical. There are never enough men in things like Latin dance.
Asking a woman to dance in a salsa club is not a come on as it is in a normal club - and if you display any kind of skill then you will have no shortage of willing partners ... And all of the clubs have lessons in the early evenings.

I've seen the oldest, ugliest guys dancing with some very hot women. You will only stop getting partners if you are creepy and sleazy - and then the word will get out to avoid you.

 

[gaijinsan]

Just stumbled on this thread, and I'll reiterate what's been said a half-dozen times, because it's vitally important: teach yourself to stop throwing off negative vibes about your physical appearance. Most people can sense these vibes easily, whether you think they can or not.

I've been there, not fat but definitely way out of shape. I didn't like myself, and in retrospect, the projection of that attitude was hurting my social/dating life way more than my actual physical shape. So I got back into working out, and almost immediately noticed a difference in how I interacted with people. It was difficult for people to notice a difference in my weight at that point, so obviously the difference was my own confidence and outlook on social interactions. I was thinking about my body less, which freed my mind to be more perceptive, witty, and inquisitive, which are three traits that quality women find highly attractive.

No worthwhile self-improvement occurs overnight, but you can see a noticeable improvement in a couple of months if you concentrate on fixing it.

 

[Solong]

If you are just searching sex with cute J Girls, www.jk-style.tv and problem is solved. Well if you want relationship, it is another problem though [emoji14]

Intriguing. A lot of advice here is just go buy a woman. At least with this, it recognizes if the guy wants a relationship or not.

 

[TAG Manager]

Intriguing. A lot of advice here is just go buy a woman. At least with this, it recognizes if the guy wants a relationship or not.

Not really. It's been suggested as a confidence booster, which can help some guys overcome their self views.

 

[gaijinsan]

Couple of months ago, I was in a drought and feeling bad about myself, and hooked up with an awesome Thai provider in the morning before work. I was a fucking rock star that day, getting everybody laughing in a meeting, one of my coworkers shamelessly flirted with me at lunch. Felt like a million bucks.

A great p4p session can be a huge confidence booster. I think sometimes guys put women on a pedestal or apply to them some impenetrable mystique. Sometimes it's worth the money to shatter those illusions when you're in a funk.

 

[john.smith]

Not really. It's been suggested as a confidence booster, which can help some guys overcome their self views.

On my side, it definitively made me more comfortable with women. Before I was only comfortable with women I considered only as friend but stressed out when they were attractive, flirting and dating with me... Now, I don't care that much. (flirting and dating did not happened yet in japan for me though)

 

[Ffmbud]

try hanging out in Ryogoku.....where the sumo dojo's are, the girls there like their men large