So how do you do it properly? I suppose this could vary widely depending on what you are after. But I am after a girl who FEELS like a girlfriend. She’s affectionate, appreciates an evening above her usual stature in life, and is able to actually enjoy herself with you. She views the allowance/gift (i.e. money!) as a bonus - not the only thing she is after. Any girl where I feel money is the primary motivation and she will go with anyone for a high enough price, gets kicked straight to the curb. She’s got to be a girlfriend first, and any “benefits” come second.
Knowing that this is the kind of girl I want to attract (and other guys I have talked to also find this persona the most attractive), there is a set of rules you have to play by. Understand that SA is NOT AT ALL like picking up hookers. It is much more like meeting a girl in a bar and seducing her to leave with you. It's just an online bar. Sure you need money, but you also need some texting game and you need to treat her with respect. If you do, you have a chance of closing the deal. However, the moment you disrespect her, she will be gone.
The most important rule when vibing with a girl and getting a meeting set up is: never discuss sex or money. These things will be implied and they will be done offline. Never discuss sex or money on the Seeking Arrangements platform and really never discuss sex at all. As soon as you are that explicit, the kind of girl you are after will feel disrespected and ghost you in no time flat. Plus, it can get you booted from SA for life if you are reported. Don’t worry, there are ways to have this conversation properly, explained below.
Start your engagement with a girl with some light chat and flirt. Your opener should be something specific to her that you read in her profile -- not something generic. And ALWAYS end every message with a question. This prompts her to respond. If you don’t ask a question, she will not take the initiative and the conversation will just die. You have to drive it; and you drive with questions. Get her to tell you a few things about herself: what she likes to eat, her favorite wine, dog or cat person. It doesn’t really matter what you discuss; just something that will get her to engage a bit.
At some point you will establish that you like each other reasonably well and one or the other will suggest taking the conversation off of SA and over to text. If she goes there in the first few exchanges, she is probably a pro. If she doesn’t ask for a pic pretty early on, she is probably a pro. Often, I am the one to suggest going over to private phone text. You can keep it pretty innocuous, saying you notice she is not on often and it might be easier to connect up by text. But don’t do it too early – this spooks the nice girls. Have a conversation over a few days and then take it off SA to texting.
Once you are texting, pick up the thread you had going and continue a little friendly chat. At some point, you will suggest that you think you vibe well and should meet up. Most often she will agree and now its time to establish that you will have sex (without saying it!) and how much is the agreed price (without saying it’s a price!). Some guys cover the price discussion in person, but I find that awkward and always set it ahead of time.
Once she’s said “yeah, lets meetup” I say I want to describe our date to her (this is how I introduce the sex topic without getting explicit.) I usually say something about going out for dinner or drinks and having an epic time, laughing a lot and if the chemistry is right spending some private time (or intimate time or adult time -- insert your favorite euphemism -- but never say SEX!) or on the off chance we don’t vibe, we can part after dinner no harm no foul. And ask if that sounds about right to them. Most often, if they are the kind of girl you are after, they will be down with this description and say, sure that sounds good.
This opens the door for the pricing discussion. I usually say something like “Of course I’d want to give you a gift/allowance. Did you have something in mind?” and the negotiation is underway. Never ever say “whats your price” or “how much do you charge for PPM”. Always use the approach above, that you want to give them something. Sometimes, she will say she doesn’t know and get you to give the first figure (good negotiating tactic on her part, but often they are in fact new). I am OK with this and say “well, what I’ve done before is 300. I hope that works for you.” (note no $ sign)
As far as what you should pay, I’ve found a strong correlation between what a pretty pro escort charges for an hour (in a given city) to be what an SA girl will take for an evening. I’d say (pre-pandemic) most big US cities $400 is reasonable for a pretty girl (lots will ask more – I just kick them to the curb) with SF and NYC more like $500. In second tier cities, $300 should do it and I’ve found a few gems at $200 (though more in the 6-7 category). During the pandemic, I’ve found a lot of these girls are struggling, so if they ask 500, when 400 is more correct, I usually don’t push them on it and just go with what they asked. I would guess based on the above logic that a pretty Tokyo SB might be 30K-50K ¥. But someone more qualified locally might chime in.
Once you have the “we are going to have sex, right” -- without saying it -- and money discussion out of the way, you should be good to go. Just keep on with the flirty texts without being too frequent, clingy or annoying and then meet up at the appointed day and time. More often than not, if you are not terribly objectionable looking, have a little bit of charm, and follow the “let’s get out of here” model you might use with a regular pickup, you will end up in the room with your girl and have a rocking time.
Having done this alot (more than 30 times in many different cities), I’ve found that having sex on the first date is super important. The few times I’ve had a platonic date (especially a non-alcoholic one) to be followed by sex on the second date – it never happens. You have to take the momentum on that first date and take it all the way to the bedroom. Remember girls are submissive and will largely follow your lead – even if that lead is to the hotel room.
Finally, I should note that how much time you spend with her is largely up to her and how well you vibe. It’s not something you negotiate, like you would with an escort. Most times it will probably be 3-4 hours including dinner and sex, after which she might say she needs to get home. But, in my experience, about 50% of girls sleep over. It’s not something you discuss - it just happens. You cuddle after sex and next thing you know she’s taking off her necklace to the bedside table. Bingo!
Seeking is absolutely the best, if you take the time to find the gems amongst the bullshit and follow the above guide.
