Video: How To Tell If A Japanese Girl Likes You

[Bicycler]

Found an interesting Youtube video today.

How to Tell if a Japanese Girl Likes You (Interview)


How do you know if a Japanese girl is interested in you? I interviews three pairs of Japanese girls and asked what they are like when they like a guy. They invariably answered that they text back quickly when they are interested.

Also the Japanese guy's version:


What's your experience and opinion on their answers?

 

[Des Esseintes]

Even if they don't like you they still text back quickly in my experience.
To me there's no way to tell. They're just too good at lying.

 

[majimekun]

Even if they don't like you they still text back quickly in my experience.
To me there's no way to tell. They're just too good at lying.

Maybe they liked you at the first place but then you screwed up somewhere after that?

 

[Des Esseintes]

Maybe they liked you at the first place but then you screwed up somewhere after that?

Honestly I usually just send back a message telling the girl that the date was indeed fun and that I too would like to meet her again, then a couple of days later I send another email asking her for her availabilities for the aforementioned second date. And then I don't get a reply. I assume the message I get right after the date is just a courtesy email that she would send to any guy without any thought to it because otherwise I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Or maybe two days is either too short or too long for a follow-up email.

 

[majimekun]

OMG ... two days is way too long.
When the first date goes well, I send and email either the same day or the next day.
Another important thing : never write something like "let me know when you wanna meet again".
This is a really big mistake because japanese girls never take the lead 95% of the time.
They want you to decide for them, literally.
If they really want to meet again but they are busy, they will say no but propose a different day/time right away.
So, the next day, ask her out again with a specific date/time and you'll know pretty quickly if she is interested or not.
That's the right way of doing things here.

 

[Des Esseintes]

To be perfectly clear that was one message on the same day (as a reply to her message) and one two days later (not just one message total)

I once sent the second message one week later and it worked so who knows...

 

[majimekun]

Forgot to add something :
Basically, Japanese women make the assumption that all westerners are players.
If you don't invite her the next day, she will think you're buying time in order to look for other options.
Never let her think that ... and never give her time to look for other options either.
This is why you must act quickly.

 

[majimekun]

To be perfectly clear that was one message on the same day (as a reply to her message) and one two days later (not just one message total)

There was no confusion on my side.
That's how I understood it at first.

I once sent the second message one week later and it worked so who knows...

She might have been the typical "too busy" girl.
These ones are waste of time too.
They respond one week later and they never have time for you anyway.

 

[Des Esseintes]

Forgot to add something :
Basically, Japanese women make the assumption that all westerners are players.

True, I've heard that from a girl who didn't reply to my follow-up email (the one I send two days later). I had sent a third email asking her why she had changed her mind so suddenly about me and whether she didn't find it a bit cold to just cut me off like that with no explanation. Surprisingly she took the time to reply, saying she didn't think I would care considering I was probably so popular with women (first time in my life anyone said that to me).

 

[Solong]

There is no firm rule for when to reply. Very fast replies can mean or lead to absolutely nothing. Some women are very flicked or attention-whores. They will get in crazy and excessive exchanges with you for 2 or 3 days, then suddenly stop. Like a cat with new toy, that suddenly jumps to the next, and then the next toy/boy.

Sometimes you can be over-doing the e-mail exchanges, so that there is NOTHING else to talk about, and kill all the curiosity and mystery for going out on a date. Save some conversation for the date.

The best thing is to use common sense. Like if it's during the middle of the work day or you sent a message late at night, she might not (or you might not) reply right away.

1) If she replies within the day, it can be fine.

If longer than 12 hours, that's when you there could be a problem.

2) If she doesn't reply to 3 messages sent (3 strike rule).

That could mean a problem or that it's over.

 

[Solong]

OMG ... two days is way too long.
When the first date goes well, I send and email either the same day or the next day.
Another important thing : never write something like "let me know when you wanna meet again".
This is a really big mistake because japanese girls never take the lead 95% of the time.
They want you to decide for them, literally.
If they really want to meet again but they are busy, they will say no but propose a different day/time right away.
So, the next day, ask her out again with a specific date/time and you'll know pretty quickly if she is interested or not.
That's the right way of doing things here.

I agree that Japanese women, from experience, almost never take the initiative. The exception is when her girlfriend or co-worker introduced her in a match-making scenario, often with the woman desperately trying to get married or the guy is way above her level in looks.

How I usually know things are good after the 1st date is her interaction in messages. If the 1st date goes poorly, usually Japanese women don't respond. And I mean rudely CUT and done. Once in a while, they may send you "I'm sorry, but..." type messages where they suddenly CLAIM they have a boyfriend or some other surprising and odd excuse.

If the interaction is good, in messages, after the 1st date and she's enthusiastic, I ask her on a second date.

I've found it best to give optional days, not just push for only 1 day. "Hey, let's meet up this Friday or Sunday. You can also suggest a day."

Many Japanese can act oddly, where a seemingly innocent question gives them "pressure". You can relieve this "pressure" by giving her options. Then she will reply back with a day she can meet you.

 

[Des Esseintes]

In my case I very often got the enthusiastic post-date message (not that I'm particularly attractive, I'm just not very picky and date just about anyone) but it never led anywhere after that. So I assumed they liked me as a friend but didn't see me as a potential boyfriend and since that's what they were looking for they didn't bother to pursue the conversation beyond the obligatory "thank you" message.

 

[majimekun]

Maybe you're not seductive enough during your dates.
A first date is all about showing off your potential in the most natural way possible.
And it's not that difficult, really.
The trick is to ask lots of questions during the first date so that you can adjust your behaviour in real time in accordance with her answers.

For example, two weeks ago, I got totally bored during the week end and I decided I should fill my free time with a date. So, I invited a girl I had chatted with before on a dating app (Waplog).
As I expected, she has a below average look. But since she wasn't too boring I kept going.
Asking the right questions, I learnt that she hadn't kissed anyone for more than a year.
So, there I start kissing her in her neck, out of the blue.
She reacts very positively half jocking "you just kissed me right?"
me : "Yeah I did. That was wrong?"
her : "Not at all actually"
Then I change the subject to something totally different as if nothing happened.
Just to make her wait a little bit.
And then I kiss her again in the neck.
We discuss again.
A few minutes later we are in full french kissing mode.
I even manage to kiss her breast.
All in a park with some people around.

Concluding on the first date happens quite a lot actually.
I'm sure you can do it

 

[Solong]

Maybe you're not seductive enough during your dates.
A first date is all about showing off your potential in the most natural way possible.
And it's not that difficult, really.
The trick is to ask lots of questions during the first date so that you can adjust your behaviour in real time in accordance with her answers.

For example, two weeks ago, I got totally bored during the week end and I decided I should fill my free time with a date. So, I invited a girl I had chatted with before on a dating app (Waplog).
As I expected, she has a below average look. But since she wasn't too boring I kept going.
Asking the right questions, I learnt that she hadn't kissed anyone for more than a year.
So, there I start kissing her in her neck, out of the blue.
She reacts very positively half jocking "you just kissed me right?"
me : "Yeah I did. That was wrong?"
her : "Not at all actually"
Then I change the subject to something totally different as if nothing happened.
Just to make her wait a little bit.
And then I kiss her again in the neck.
We discuss again.
A few minutes later we are in full french kissing mode.
I even manage to kiss her breast.
All in a park with some people around.

Concluding on the first date happens quite a lot actually.
I'm sure you can do it

1st date might be the last date, it depends...

That's why I often go for it on the 1st date (4 hours or so date length) or cut the 1st date off and keep it about 1 hour, as a setup for a 2nd date. Knowing when to do which, is an art unto itself.

Seduction is the right word. A lot of guys don't fully get what that means. It's NOT overt or too obvious at first, but subtle. Gradually and before you know it, you might end up kissing her.

You have to shift gears and go at different speeds, with different women. Always seeking and pushing the limit, but no faster than what she shows that she can handle.

With that typed, nobody bats a 1000 or hits a home-run every time. But take comfort in the fact that you tried your best and at least took a swing.

 

[majimekun]

So I assumed they liked me as a friend but didn't see me as a potential boyfriend

Passive/no seduction = quickly ditched in the "friendship zone"
Active seduction = getting into the "potential lover zone" before it's too late

 

[majimekun]

When I used OkCupid quite actively, I took the time to answer all the profile survey's questions.
By doing so, I was able to see how women did answer on their side.
One of these questions was quite interesting.
It went like this : "How many date would you wait before having sex".
Not too surprinsingly, lots of girls who were in fact seeking "Long term relationships" did answer "1-2 dates".

 

[Des Esseintes]

In my experience, girls answering "1-2 dates" are statistically very rare, especially Japanese girls. Which doesn't mean that they're necessarily against the idea, they might just not want to send the "wrong message".

I've answered about 1,500 OKCupid questions, it's more interesting as a sociological tool than as a dating app.

 

[just4fun]

Japanese thinking from my eyes is they all liked the Ally McBiel show about 10+ years ago so generally speaking that age group is on the 3rd date the panties are coming off.

 

[Solong]

I think the "dates before sex" type question is very unreliable, as many women will clearly lie or be too concerned about their public image to give honest answers.

However, the reality from my experience, is most women will have sex between the 1st to 3rd date. With the 1st date being a higher percentage or a possibility greater than most realize. And then the rest would often have sex by the 2nd date. Something like of women met and agreed to meet: 60% on 1st date, 30% on 2nd date, and 10% on 3rd date.

Note- An area of confusion is 1st date VS 1st meeting (SNL in PUA). A 1st date is when you met her BEFORE and exchanged contacts, then agreed to meet ANOTHER day OR have been corresponding with her by e-mail (like from a Date website), then set a day to meet. 1st meeting/SNL sex scenarios are like meeting her in a disco/club/bar and having sex that same night. These are different scenarios that many people mix up.

What skews things is the percentage of women that won't meet you for a 2nd or 3rd date. That's the tricky part, the percentage of women that STOP seeing the guy after a failed 1st date. When sex is out of the question, many women will have "friend-zoned" you or will NOT meet with you again.

On the flip, when a woman is very enthusiastic and/or attracted to you, they will/can have sex quickly. Usually if you spend 4 hours or more ALONE together. This is the quietly politically incorrect reality that often isn't said or admitted to.

These factors aren't usually calculated, in regards to the percentage of women that simply don't ever see guys again for 2nd or 3rd dates. And if a woman willingly meets you again (the exception being guys that beg or "force" a date), especially 2nd date scenarios, there is usually a strong attraction that can turn sexual, if the guy knows what he is doing.

 

[meiji]

I think the "dates before sex" type question is very unreliable, as many people will clearly lie or be too concerned about their public image to give honest answers.

Fixed that for you.

 

[Solong]

Fixed that for you.

The comment made by Des was in reference to answers by girls/women, so didn't see the need to be gender neutral. But yes, both genders can lie.

There was an interesting British sex survery where they asked how many sex partners you had, but with a twist. They did a lie detector test afterwards.

Many women lied about how few they had, and a lot of the men lied about how many. Interestingly, after the lie detector test the numbers for women increased, a lot, and the numbers for the men decreased. So, in actuality and after the lie dectector tests, the numbers between men and women were close.

Success Percentage

And so nobody gets confused. The numbers I was referring to was women that I HAD sex with, and percentage of which date. Around 60% on 1st, 30% on 2nd, 10% on 3rd.

My batting/success rate percentage is around 40%, for when women show up on the date and who I get contact info from. With up and down fluctuations over time... So that is sex with 40% of women, for the last 5 years.

If a guy knows what he is doing, he can do well for himself, he just has to learn not to be afraid of failure or unrealistically expect a near perfect success rate of 90% to 100%. And instead of begging or harassing 1 reluctant woman for sex, go out on dates with other women, as it's likely you will find more enthusiastic women that way.

I was also alluding to the momentum and enthusiasm factor, though other things like your age or religion may be major factors too. When the enthusiasm, excitement, and interest are there. Sex can happen pretty quickly. Something people, very interestingly, miscalculate or don't understand how to create more of it on dates.

 

[John Chavers]

Maybe you're not seductive enough during your dates.

Your situation sounded less like seduction and more like listening and responding appropriately.

Not downplaying your results at all.

 

[majimekun]

Well, honestly I don't think so.
Because, for me, seduction is mostly about choosing the right set of questions in a certain order and with the proper timing.
These questions are supposed to comfort them in their passive role (japanese women never take the lead) while giving me the oportunity to seamlessly enter into their intimimacy.
Just listening and responding appropriately will take you nowehere because of their passivity.
That's an important point in my opinion.
A girl will never tell you (nor give hints) that she hasn't had sex for months if you don't ask the proper question.
She will never tell you (nor give hints) that she is open to having some fun if you don't ask the proper question.
And people love to be asked questions because it makes them the center of the interest.
Actually, it's the proper use of their ego for my own benefit.

 

[Wwanderer]

And people love to be asked questions because it makes them the center of the interest.
Actually, it's the proper use of their ego for my own benefit.

Precisely so, in my experience, and the technique is by no means restricted to the context of dating and seduction.

That said, discussions such as this one always seem to me to miss most of the point of dating and interactions with the opposite sex (or probably with the same sex for gays...but I have no experience there). All this concentration on rules, guidelines, tricks, techniques, percentages, reaching some predetermined goal (sex), of succeeding or failing etc drain most of the spontaneous fun and joy out of relationships imo. We are talking about a fundamental part of life and our most profound social relationships , now some sporting event fer christ's sake!

-Ww

 

[Solong]

Well, honestly I don't think so.
Because, for me, seduction is mostly about choosing the right set of questions in a certain order and with the proper timing.
These questions are supposed to comfort them in their passive role (japanese women never take the lead) while giving me the oportunity to seamlessly enter into their intimimacy.
Just listening and responding appropriately will take you nowehere because of their passivity.
That's an important point in my opinion.
A girl will never tell you (nor give hints) that she hasn't had sex for months if you don't ask the proper question.
She will never tell you (nor give hints) that she is open to having some fun if you don't ask the proper question.
And people love to be asked questions because it makes them the center of the interest.
Actually, it's the proper use of their ego for my own benefit.

In strong agreement. I've found it's not so much "question and answer", as it is how much she is into/enthusiastic about the conversation. In my style, I have INDIRECT sexual/sexuality conversations, then pick up hints from her. NOT just her verbal answers, but her eyes, body language, reactions, her opinions, how deeply she is into the conversation, etc...

Regular women, that you never had sex with yet, usually won't tell what they want directly. They won't show up and say, "Yes, let's fuck at 8pm." A man can't usually expect direct answers, especially in regards to anything about sex, as regular women are usually very worried about what you MIGHT be thinking of them.

The "trick" is often picking up HINTS they are giving off AND/OR verbally maneuver the conversation in such a way that they feel comfortable giving up bits of sexually related information. The guy collects these hints and interprets her answers, to figure out sex will be possible that day.