Going Dutch Once In A While At Love Hotels?

[TokyoJoeblow]

I took this woman I recently met to a park and we made out and did a lot of heavy petting. She told me that she would be open to going to a love hotel with me in the near future if I pay for both of us. We have been seeing each other almost everyday. I don't mind paying for both of us every time, but is asking to go Dutch once in a while alright too? I know in Japan the man is supposed to pay for everything, but has anyone gone Dutch on a love hotel with a Japanese woman before?

 

[Solong]

In my experience and what my friends have said, women will quietly hold it against the guy, if he tries to push her to pay her fair share. Many women will refuse to have sex or break the relationship. She has to want or be willing to pay. If she refuses, then now you have to decide to keep or break off the relationship.

If a woman goes "el cheapo" on me and won't contribute, then I "weigh her value" in other areas:

A) Young, extremely good at sex, does other things like cook for me, etc...

Hmmm... I will probably keep her around, and forget about the money.

B) Old, bad at sex, argumentative, etc....

Nah, I will pass and cut her off, though I might see her a couple of times.

C) Old, average at sex, a bit stubborn, and mediocre at conversations... plain Jane type... Tough to decide about, can be in the middle of the scale.

Then I might go "el cheapo" on her, like she is doing to me. Since she won't help pay for anything, then I will take her to the cheapest hotels (for only short time), restaurants (hello Burger King), and keep meeting times short ( a few hours for sex)... And be actively looking for a NEW girlfriend.

I think what too many women don't realize is it can be very counter-productive if she doesn't contribute a bit money-wise. And it does not have be half. Like if I'm talking to a woman and she's a struggling cashier, where I make 4X her salary, then I'm not trying to unfairly pull half and half on her. Just she gives a token contribution, can be good, especially if she's good in other ways.

Guys should talk and get a grasp of a woman's financial situation too. Is she a housewife with no job? College Student? Nurse? The differences should be then how you calculate her contribution. Good at sex or bad? Cook or not? Doing anything special for you or selfish woman? I take it all in consideration, then try to be fair. I try to give her a chance to show she is considerate and thoughtful or selfish.

 

[John Chavers]

She told me that she would be open to going to a love hotel with me in the near future if I pay for both of us

As @Solong said, if she's hot, you should pay, and if she's so-so, just meet up with her less frequently. If she complains, mention that you want to pay, but you can't afford to do so as frequently as you'd like to see her.

If she's into you, she'll get the hint and start offering to pay.

 

[MossBoss]

Love hotels are fairly cheap so it shouldn't be a deal breaker - less than 5,000 yen in many cases. If she is a housewife without a job, I don't think you can complain about paying.

Alternate love hotels with BJs in a park then everyone is happy.

 

[split]

I had my first date with a K-stunner in a gorgeous tightly fit dress recently. Within 24 hours of meeting on an app were in a restaurant having dinner & beers. Things were going quite well. When I decided to go pay, she insisted she pay half. I refused and she still insisted. We agreed finally to have her pay 1/3rd. As I stated things were going quite well as we left and talked for some time in a romantic outside location nearby (thanks Solong and others for the posts). The long record scratch came quickly and hard right after the second question if I was tied up. First time a lie, second time.... I realized I can't keep lying. She seemed cool with it and admitted she was divorced. However all communication ceased and I was blocked on the app shortly afterwards. It was a shame because she was a hot piece of tail. So yeah, I say get them to pay if you can

 

[R.O.B]

I had an arrangement with a gal - her idea - that she would choose the restaurant (she was a foodie) and pay (rather her man would pay as she put it on his credit card), and I would foot for the love hotel later. That way she could control one part of the date (roughly monthly) and explain it as lunch (always nice) with a girlfriend. She did search for hotels sometime though, but I always paid.

 

[Solong]

I had my first date with a K-stunner in a gorgeous tightly fit dress recently. Within 24 hours of meeting on an app were in a restaurant having dinner & beers. Things were going quite well. When I decided to go pay, she insisted she pay half. I refused and she still insisted. We agreed finally to have her pay 1/3rd. As I stated things were going quite well as we left and talked for some time in a romantic outside location nearby (thanks Solong and others for the posts). The long record scratch came quickly and hard right after the second question if I was tied up. First time a lie, second time.... I realized I can't keep lying. She seemed cool with it and admitted she was divorced. However all communication ceased and I was blocked on the app shortly afterwards. It was a shame because she was a hot piece of tail. So yeah, I say get them to pay if you can

I think you were saying that you got tripped up by saying you were married. I WAS married, but divorced years ago, and I'm single and happy now. But know a bit about that game.

I would advise guys to avoid answering that or confessing to being married until AFTER you had sex the 1st time (arguably preferred) or 2nd time. Then confess. Arguably best to do it after sex, and in the bed or hotel. Sex hormones are often still very high, and if the sex was good, many won't care at that point.

And when you do, the best story seems to be that you are having major marital problems where divorce is imminent and the marriage is virtually over (irregardless of its true status/situation). The wife did something terrible or treats you horribly, thus the situation.

Another possibility, is that you have an agreement. "Don't ask, don't tell." Where she is doing the same, and you "know" she has a boyfriend.

If you insist on telling her BEFORE you have sex that you are married, it's arguably best to do it after at least kissing, where there is a clear romantic/sexual connection. Plus still use either of the above type stories.

Now, I'm sure there are those who might get all moral code about it. But if that's the case, don't cheat or don't be married in the 1st place.

And, you have to say the stories with calm coolness and conviction. A lot of women will react to your nervousness or hesitation, MORE than the actual marriage confession. You need to say it like a BOSS, then proceed as if the confession was irrelevant to you talking with and continuing the relationship with her.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

I think you were saying that you got tripped up by saying you were married. I WAS married, but divorced years ago, and I'm single and happy now. But know a bit about that game.

I would advise guys to avoid answering that or confessing to being married until AFTER you had sex the 1st time (arguably preferred) or 2nd time. Then confess. Arguably best to do it after sex, and in the bed or hotel. Sex hormones are often still very high, and if the sex was good, many won't care at that point.

And when you do, the best story seems to be that you are having major marital problems where divorce is imminent and the marriage is virtually over (irregardless of its true status/situation). The wife did something terrible or treats you horribly, thus the situation.

Another possibility, is that you have an agreement. "Don't ask, don't tell." Where she is doing the same, and you "know" she has a boyfriend.

If you insist on telling her BEFORE you have sex that you are married, it's arguably best to do it after at least kissing, where there is a clear romantic/sexual connection. Plus still use either of the above type stories.

Now, I'm sure there are those who might get all moral code about it. But if that's the case, don't cheat or don't be married in the 1st place.

And, you have to say the stories with calm coolness and conviction. A lot of women will react to your nervousness or hesitation, MORE than the actual marriage confession. You need to say it like a BOSS, then proceed as if the confession was irrelevant to you talking with and continuing the relationship with her.

I told her I was married making out and heavy petting in the park. It was good because she also admitted she is married too. I think I have a good thing going if I continue to play my cards right. We usually meet during the day time because we both work late at night. A bj in the park at night is fine...but during the day probably not. Unless I want an audience of elders and young children. I plan to find another park that is less busy during the day time.

 

[Wwanderer]

My advice, contrarian as usual: Be honest to a fault. Be generous until it hurts. Like so many aspects of life, these approaches are naively counter-intuitive but work really really well...on average and it the long run.

-Ww

 

[John Chavers]

From my experience it's "married with kids" that Japanese women have trouble with

 

[Wwanderer]

From my experience it's "married with kids" that Japanese women have trouble with

That is my experience as well, and you can strike the word "Japanese" to describe my experiences.

Nevertheless, I'd suggest being honest about your children too from the outset. For one thing it is so unusual that the lady is often stunned with surprise for several weeks...during which time you can have your way with her! ;-)

-Ww

 

[John Chavers]

Well... Japan is still nominally a 不倫 culture, unlike countries like the U.S.

The French have a healthier view on love than either country in my opinion.

 

[Wwanderer]

I certainly would not defend the conventional American view...not that there is any single one.

-Ww

 

[just4fun]

There's something about them paying half at a restaurant here that's quite "Japanese" and if they insist on paying then let'm do it. It's the culture.

 

[Solong]

My advice, contrarian as usual: Be honest to a fault. Be generous until it hurts. Like so many aspects of life, these approaches are naively counter-intuitive but work really really well...on average and it the long run.

-Ww

If that's the case, most guys (or women) wouldn't be cheating in the 1st place.

Alternatively, they would be swingers or have an open-marriage, where they can be honest about their sexuality or sexual cravings. Which in my opinion, is the most honest way to deal with wanting to try other sexual partners or have sexual adventure. However, many people can't handle such (have a married spouse that can't) or are trapped in traditional relationships.

Let's think about what it appears you are saying. Be honest with the side-chick you are cheating with, but not be honest with the wife? Doesn't that sound a bit backwards?

My advice is geared for the reality of what most people do. If they are going to cheat, at least do it right or be good at it ;-)

 

[Wwanderer]

@Solong : There are often HUGE advantages in doing things in ways different from most people. This is true in a wide wide variety of contexts.

Put slightly differently, if you do as most others do, your results will obviously be similar to those most people achieve. If you wish to do better than that, you should take a different approach than most people.

Dead obvious, ne?

-Ww

 

[Solong]

@Solong : There are often HUGE advantages in doing things in ways different from most people. This is true in a wide wide variety of contexts.

Put slightly differently, if you do as most others do, your results will obviously be similar to those most people achieve. If you wish to do better than that, you should take a different approach than most people.

Dead obvious, ne?

-Ww

I beg to differ, but only a bit, as I know our positions might ultimately be more philosophically aligned than it may appear. For example, if the wife is a swinger too, there isn't truly an issue. And that is doing what most others don't, for a different and favorable result.

But back to the point presented... Because you were honest with the side-chick that you are cheating with, instead of your wife, doesn't mean the result will be any different. The relationship, via telling the side-chick or not, can have lasted just as long.

And I do advocate telling the mistress or side-girlfriend, it's just a matter of timing. WHEN, is the best time?

As to when, I have observed and experienced, that it's best to have some romantic or sexual connection first. Running up to women and saying, "Hi, I'm married. Do you want to have sex with me and let me cheat on my wife? At least I'm honest!" Almost never ever works out in reality.

 

[Solong]

I told her I was married making out and heavy petting in the park. It was good because she also admitted she is married too. I think I have a good thing going if I continue to play my cards right. We usually meet during the day time because we both work late at night. A bj in the park at night is fine...but during the day probably not. Unless I want an audience of elders and young children. I plan to find another park that is less busy during the day time.

Meeting up at an inexpensive hotel, karaoke spot, or Internet cafe might be your best bet. Playing around in public parks during the day time, might mean being spotted unexpectedly by friends or co-workers, or harrased by some cops.

Finding a building with a nice stairway, rooftop, or rarely used bathroom can be an alternative.

 

[R.O.B]

Jeez, Solong - where's the romance???

 

[Solong]

Jeez, Solong - where's the romance???

You might want to ask TokyoJoeblow. However, this affair between 2 married people, is likely more for the sexual adventure, and possibly constrained by time.

For romance, that's what the wife is for or blow a fortune on a trip to Paris. Plus, according to TokyoJoeblow, she is doing "el cheapo" on him. He must pay for anything romantic, so it's all on his dime.

 

[R.O.B]

What the wife is for...

Think not.

Romance is what Bali An is for.

 

[Solong]

What the wife is for...

Think not.

Romance is what Bali An is for.

[emoji13]

Bali An cost money bro. Parks are free! Nothing like a mosquito bite on the ass to accelerate the thrust motion. And the rooftop can have a romantic view too.

 

[Desktop]

Solong are most swingers ok with their wives having a lover on the side if they are open about it?
Is the honesty so he can satisfy his needs & she doesn't get upset? Does it work both ways?
I am just curious as many men can't handle this. I'm not saying I can or can't but really just curious on your opinion.

 

[R.O.B]

How about a quiet river bank? The open air and feel of grass on the arse drives some women wild!
Banks of the Seine would drive them insane.

 

[Solong]

Solong are most swingers ok with their wives having a lover on the side if they are open about it?
Is the honesty so he can satisfy his needs & she doesn't get upset? Does it work both ways?
I am just curious as many men can't handle this. I'm not saying I can or can't but really just curious on your opinion.

Swingers don't cheat on each other, there wouldn't ordinarily be any side lovers, unless they both know them personally. For example 2 married couples, where husbands swap wives, and they all know each other. They would ordinarily have group sex in front of each other or wife swapping would be pre-approved. There is no jealousy, selfishness, or hiding.

However this requires a level of maturity, unselfishness, and honesty that most can't handle. She can do, what he can do. It's a fair and even type exchange, not he does whatever and she can't.

There are also variations of open relationships and open-marriages, and these are NOT just swingers, where the husband/boyfriend or wife/girlfriend let's the other indulge more sexually. This can work, where there is an honest exchange, and it's acknowledged one is sexually stronger than the other or simply OK with the other having more fun on the side.

Examples:

1) Husband is rich or very good job and takes great care of the wife economically, and she wants to keep the relationship.

However her sexual level is ADMITTEDLY much lower than his, and she knows it.

She may openly allow him to have mistresses. In many cases that I've seen, they may also have kids, so she is overly focused on the role of housewife and mother, but not lover. Him having sex-friends means she doesn't or rarely has to do sex, and she is fine with that.

2) Cuckhold Husband or Nympho/Hyper-Sexual Wife

In this case the husband is sexually weaker, where the wife is very much sexually stronger.

They are perfectly fine with the relationship, minus the sexual imbalance. Therefore the husband brings men to satisfy his wife. They are open and honest with each other and their needs, and the husband is very voyeuristic in nature and enjoys the game that they play.