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Looking For Tips About Dating A Japanese Girl

Bahl, for goodness sake, just give me her details and I will go there myself. Just do it - you are driving all us old, usually desperate bastards nuts!!! She could be divorced with two little kids, she could be an angel descended from Heaven, she could be the richest 24 yr old in Japan just waiting for you. You will never know unless YOU do something.
 
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lol, I asked her anyway, it's not like I wasn't going to because she might have a boyfriend.

just thinking about possibilities breh

- -

anyhow, may I ask something unrelated to this case

how many times with a (japanese) girl, when you ask her out and she says YES, worked out? I was thinking about 8 times out of 10? :_P Unless you fuck up hard she said YES so that's supposed to mean something right.
 
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I don't know what you mean by "worked out". You apparently don't live in the same city, so are you just looking for a long distance booty call or what?
 
got news
I don't know if this is good or bad news. I think it's bad, to be honest.

she said that she will be happy to meet me and she asked me to join her in visiting a city near the one she lives ... with her friends.
so that's how saturday is going to be. and I have the feeling that after the weekend is over she won't be very inclined to go out in the evening after she finishes work. so it's all that Saturday and Sunday (if that happens), I guess.

like, it's already problematic for me to go on the first date trying to "escalate", with whatever friends she brings it's 20 times worse.

welp

meiji said:
I don't know what you mean by "worked out". You apparently don't live in the same city, so are you just looking for a long distance booty call or what?
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it was just a general question, not related to this. anyway with worked out I mean that you start a relationship or at least you spend one night with her.
 
Group dating in Japan is pretty normal for your age group. I wouldn't sweat it unless she begs off early.
 
Bahl999888 said:
I'm just joining her and her friends.
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Did you whippersnappers go and change the meaning of group without telling us?

Here's my advice: maybe she isn't into you, but one of her friends may be, so just play along and see how it goes.
 
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In the LINE world there is no such thing as an individual now, John - were all friends...

Bahl's options, gentleman?

1. JC's suggestion.
2. Go and see if the friends disappear suddenly
3. Go, be a gent to her friends (also see 1) and ask her for a one on one dinner
4. Tell her now you hoped to go with just her
5. Save your cash and stay put, rent a DVD
 
R.O.B said:
4. Tell her now you hoped to go with just her
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I can't think of any way to phrase that without it sounding incredibly whiney. :drowning:
 
I thought that group dating meant more people dating together, like 2-3 couples dating.

whatever, maybe JC you have a point and that could happen. or maybe she'll just bring male friends, welp.
I also can't see how I can properly ask "I want you alone" without freaking her out or making a bad impression.
 
Ahhhhhh, love triangles.... I feel a tedious midday TV drama coming on...
 
Since there is social/groups involved here, I suggest you don't pose as a loner here : you might suggest you spend also time with a group of friends before/after you meet her.
Then you can choose to join as a (smaller) group or alone depending on the conversations and synchronization to meet and have some (in)visible social capital to start from.
 
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It certainly doesn't seem like the ideal response. I mean she could have replied, "Please meet me in room XXX at love hotel YYY and please bring extra condoms." But how bad is the news? I have no clue really. My personal guess is that you waited too long to tell her that you will be in town, and she had already made plans with friends that she doesn't want to break. In that scenario it is not such bad news; it means she does want to see you again and is basically trying to "have her cake and eat it too". @John Chavers advice sounds right to me.

-Ww
 
Well, this is Japan, the country where your wife's birthday or wedding anniversary is not really an acceptable reason to go home earlier or bail out of a social gathering. So in her case, if that trip had already been setup, it's not so easy to bail out. On the contrary I think it's not a bad thing that she includes you into the group of her friends. Just thank her for the invite (go with them) and ask her out for dinner on another day(ask now). Most Japanese cities/areas have some special food, that one really should eat when going there. Do some research find out what it is and ask her to go to such a place (maybe her recommendation). Japanese really love it if you show interest in Japan/their area.

You definitely need to give her some info on a long term perspective. Is that just a once and done, do you plan to come back in the future, maybe somewhere closer to her place ...

In general Japanese have tight schedules and plan extremely ahead. Dont assume that when asking monday, there will be any free evening in the week ...
 
I asked her out again after the first "meeting with friends", she wants to see me but she apparently can't until this friday (night).

honestly I can't really tell if she's into me or not. like to me it seems strange that you can't find time for a dinner or whatever during the whole week, even if you work from morning to late afternoon or evening, you might be tired etc. but come on, if you're actually interested in someone you're going to find the time. even only 2-3 hours are plenty for having a random dinner and chatting a bit or for going somewhere for a walk or whatever.
 
Bahl999888 said:
she wants to see me but she apparently can't until this friday (night)
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Like a good steak, letting a budding romance rest before serving is an excellent way to preserve the flavor.

Have you thought about opening a tumblr account instead of posting here? :bookworm:
 
Bahl999888 said:
I asked her out again after the first "meeting with friends", she wants to see me but she apparently can't until this friday (night).

honestly I can't really tell if she's into me or not. like to me it seems strange that you can't find time for a dinner or whatever during the whole week, even if you work from morning to late afternoon or evening, you might be tired etc. but come on, if you're actually interested in someone you're going to find the time. even only 2-3 hours are plenty for having a random dinner and chatting a bit or for going somewhere for a walk or whatever.
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It is totally normal for a single and outgoing young Japanese woman to have a VERY full social calendar, including plans on most nights. This is why I suggested that you let her know exactly when you would be in town as far in advance as possible...so that she could clear time to see you in her schedule if she were so inclined. Hesitation usually has unfortunate consequences in these sorts of situations.

-Ww
 
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Wwanderer said:
It is totally normal for a single and outgoing young Japanese woman to have a VERY full social calendar, including plans on most nights. This is why I suggested that you let her know exactly when you would be in town as far in advance as possible...so that she could clear time to see you in her schedule if she were so inclined. Hesitation usually has unfortunate consequences in these sorts of situations.

-Ww
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yeah I was probably too late in telling her when I was arriving in town. still now she does know how long I'm staying, when I leave etc.
anyhow, what you wrote basically means that it's totally possible that she can't actually see me until the end of the week and that she's still interested in me (hence wants to see me again). ?_?

no need to ask if I should be the one to pay for dinner but, how about buying flowers? Y or N

John Chavers said:
Have you thought about opening a tumblr account instead of posting here? :bookworm:
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I think you should try harder if you want to be at least a bit funny or effectively sarcastic; see first post in this page for more info
 
You need to call & talk to her. Flowers might seem weird out the blue if you haven't tried the effort to connect with her personally.
 
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