The Issue Of Weight

[vargas]

To be more clear, I meant it in the context of the previous thread, i.e. where no opinions on the AV star's weight were necessary. If you are not interested in meeting this particular AV star then there is no reason for you to comment. Saying you find her unattractive for whatever reason serves no purpose.

No purpose? This is a community isn't it? For purposes of communicating with other members via posts and comments right? Certainly that's what occurred isn't it?

TAG isn't exclusively, or even primarily, a forum for you to hawk your wares darling. The threads are for discussions not solely advertisements and positive feedback.

 

[User#6517]

Anyway I read the restored thread and this is a whole lot of ado about nothing.

I'm sorry, are you a plus-size woman? How would you know if it's really "nothing"?

A guy basically joked that the AV actress could be considered a 3P all by herself. I don't see anything funny about that, but apparently others thought it was funny, since they liked his post. I bet that if the AV actress were to have a TAG account, that they wouldn't have even brought up shit about her weight in the first place.

And I'm pretty sure that if a thread were to include women ridiculing certain men (cheap men, men of a certain race, short men, scrawny men, overweight men, shy men, men with sexual performance anxiety, men with less-than-average penis sizes, etc..) that you and other guys who could possibly fit into those categories might feel some type of way, whether openly admitting it or not.

Anyway, feel free to reply back, but I already got to say what was on my mind. You seem to keep confusing decency with censorship.

 

[vargas]

A guy basically joked that the AV actress could be considered a 3P all by herself. I don't see anything funny about that, but apparently others thought it was funny, since they liked his post.

Hey, listen, from your posts you seem like a pretty nice girl and I'm sorry you felt hurt, but those members just made a couple of jokes that had absolutely nothing to do with you. No one was trying to hurt you.

Some people aren't going to like you, or how you look, thats just life and you must learn to deal with that without getting hurt or trying to make everyone be artificially nice all the time.

People make fun of Ron Jeremey all the time and I'm sure there's some other fugly male stars that TAG would have a field day on. Yeah it might strike a bit too close to home for some but that's just how life goes.

You're young and a bit emotional, it's understandable and we've all gone through that. Passions can get a bit heated when arguing on the internet too, it isn't the healthiest thing. But seriously you ought to toughen up a bit, life's hard sometimes!

 

[User#16452]

No purpose? This is a community isn't it? For purposes of communicating with other members via posts and comments right? Certainly that's what occurred isn't it?

Ok, I get it. You're a troll account, right? No one can be this obtuse...

TAG isn't exclusively, or even primarily, a forum for you to hawk your wares darling. The threads are for discussions not solely advertisements and positive feedback.

Well, I'm glad you cleared that one up. TAG must really have been getting tired of my over 1000 messages of only advertisements.

 

[just4fun]

"The AV actress could be considered a 3P all by herself."

That's like an old Rodney Dangerfield joke and maybe not all that old. Comedians/TV shows have thrived on humor for decades and a lot of people laugh at things that others may feel offended to. Oh well, life goes on. Get over it and move on.

Political correctness seems to be a new fad.........

 

[meiji]

As far as I can see, no one has suggested any censorship, not allowing you to express yourself as you wish about weight issues. That is a red herring and a strawman.

You mean except for this post?

Shhh, we almost got rid of him!

But seriously, moving the thread but not editing it is a strange course of action to take in my opinion.

My emphasis.

 

[User#16452]

You mean except for this post?

My emphasis.

Actually, I didn't mean to suggest censorship here. Moving the thread "censored" it for the non-lounge members but not for everyone. Censoring it for some people but not for all is strange.

In my opinion, a "let's keep the thread on track" message would have been the best course of action.

 

[TheScientist]

There are two conflicting interests here:

1. Sex work is largely a looks based industry with the exception or customers who pay primarily for certain acts.
2. Everyone involved is human and has feelings. Customers will certainly express their desire, preferences and opinions as will sex workers.

Since P4P is a market (a meat market if you will) the above will always come into conflict. In a forum which is primarily by and for the customer side, it's pretty likely that the first will outweigh the second.

Since TAG is primarily customer focused, the complaints of the sex workers won't be so common as they would likely drive away customers.

 

[roots reggae]

@Ms. Insomnia,

I am sorry you were offended-not my intention.

In many people's perspective, a 3P is desirable.

It takes all kinds of people to make this world.

No need though, to get too defensive. What's most important is how you view yourself, not other's opinions.

I am old. Quite a few members have joked about that. Doesn't bother me, I've laughed along with them.

As I've noticed, you have marketed your physical attributes proudly and had lots of compliments. That in itself should sustain you.

The thread you objected to, in my opinion did not get vicious or hurtful. People expressed their preferences and there's nothing wrong with that.

 

[meiji]

Speaking personally and not as a moderator, I think the main issue here is that there's a locker room mentality around here sometimes, where people call each other names directly that are much worse than pointing fun at someone's weight. People strive to be funny without really being super-considerate toward what offense others might take.

I agree that the general corrective might have been someone posting 'hey lets tone it down', but in some cases temporarily moving a thread, etc, is another option. The point of 'moderation' is to try to keep discussion below a full boil and I think that's been accomplished by a) MissInsomnia posting that people were being insensitive b) Moderators doing their job, both moving and restoring the post and c) User#16452 starting a discussion about it.

Hopefully going forward people can tread a little more lightly, but as with real life, strive as we might to make a site where all are welcome, this isn't a safe space. You'll be subjected to opinions and behaviors that you don't agree with, and the goal for everyone is to discuss (and object to) these rationally.

 

[TheScientist]

Personally I find obesity not merely disagreeable but disgusting in a way that few other things are.

I'm nearly the opposite in that I feel a revulsion to the idea of being with a very skinny woman.

Takes all types I guess.

 

[roots reggae]

I'm nearly the opposite in that I feel a revulsion to the idea of being with a very skinny woman.

Takes all types I guess.

And both views are valid and do not imply shaming of either. They are personal preferences and I doubt you would ever consider personally emotionally hurting a very skinny woman nor, on the other hand, abandoning your preferences.

 

[HotlineBling]

Geez, I guess it's not possible to ignore comments/opinions I don't like or agree with?

I thought active members on an 'adult' forum would generally be more thick skinned.

 

[Wwanderer]

the main issue here is that there's a locker room mentality around here sometimes

Exactly so imo. More precisely, some see TAG as a locker room while others see it as a cocktail party or other social event for a group of friends and acquaintances. Also, some here have little or no experience of the social norms of a (men's) locker room.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

I thought active members on an 'adult' forum would generally be more thick skinned.

Your expectation clashes with reality.

-Ww

 

[hkAlone]

Agreed with @Wwanderer. There are many nuances between the office of a big corporate bank in Manhattan (being extremely politically correct and risking you career each time you try to make some humour that could be misinterpreted) and the courtyard of a prison.
Imo TAG moderators are doing a decent job to avoid a dictatorship in one side and stop bullies or calm highly emotional people on the other. Some people may hurt you without the intention to hurt you. Try in this case to elevate the debate instead of trying to ostracize such people... Same... If you touch a sensitive point of another tagger, before being more aggressive, realize you triggered something (may be unexpected).

To come back to the weight topic..
@MissInsomnia. Your point is taken. These last two decades women became increasingly insecure about their body shapes due to unrealistic models provided by the fashion industry and the heavy usage of Photoshop.
Too many men (I think) now think that anorexic / super skinny women are somehow attractive. I hardly understand how they can get sexually excited to it. Seems more like some kind of trophy than an actual sexual trigger.
I heard so many times that husbands of skinny women tend to choose curvy mistresses and escorts.
I'm personally attracted to women who look healthy i.e skinny women and obese women as they simply don't look healthy, are hardly attractive. Shapes matters to me for my wife, mistresses and escorts

 

[vargas]

to come back to the weight topic..
@MissInsomnia. Your point is taken. These last two decades women became increasingly insecure about their body shapes due to unrealistic models provided by the fashion industry and the heavy usage of Photoshop.

Perhaps, but there's an undeniable trend towards obesity (apparently 40% of women in the US now! http://www.livescience.com/54994-obesity-rate-women.html) due to an increasingly sedentary lifestyle.

Attempting to turn a very unhealthy trend into a "personal choice" is stupid. People should be encouraged to make healthy choices, not excuses.

 

[hkAlone]

Perhaps, but there's an undeniable trend towards obesity (apparently 40% of women in the US now! http://www.livescience.com/54994-obesity-rate-women.html) due to an increasingly sedentary lifestyle.

Attempting to turn a very unhealthy trend into a "personal choice" is stupid. People should be encouraged to make healthy choices, not excuses.

No need for perhaps... I completely agree with you. This recent "pro obese" lobby is a very bad thing. Trying to make obesity a choice is a crime against humanity as these days in the U.S. the number of deaths due to its consequences is reaching the ones due to tobacco (heart diseases, high blood pressure, diabetes). It's as inappropriate as making movies or adds promoting tobacco as a good choice for your kids.
On the other hand, even if anorexia is not touching that many people, it creates so many tensions on healthy women that think they are fat as the consensual model is unreachable without a crazy level of self discipline or a mental issue.

 

[vargas]

No need for perhaps... I completely agree with you. This recent "pro obese" lobby is a very bad thing. Trying to make obesity a choice is a crime against humanity as these days in the U.S. the number of deaths due to its consequences is reaching the ones due to tobacco (heart diseases, high blood pressure, diabetes). It's as inappropriate as making movies or adds promoting tobacco as a good choice for your kids.

Well said! I meant that perhaps the media has something to do with insecurity but suspect unhealthy lifestyles combined with a refusal to address that (not to mention glorifying it) has much more of an impact.

You're right of course, actors and models dedicate themselves to perfecting their bodies and that creates an ideal that isn't reachable by most. So does every specialization, professional sports for example. No one expects to be Jordan, they can still admire his perfection.

 

[just4fun]

Perhaps, but there's an undeniable trend towards obesity (apparently 40% of women in the US now! http://www.livescience.com/54994-obesity-rate-women.html) due to an increasingly sedentary lifestyle.

Attempting to turn a very unhealthy trend into a "personal choice" is stupid. People should be encouraged to make healthy choices, not excuses.

I'll drink to that!

 

[roots reggae]

Well, since I've been back at work, I haven't been able to post thoughtful replies to this thread and others.

No matter, you folks have stepped up and done a better job than I could have.

 

[meiji]

Well, since I've been back at work, I haven't been able to post thoughtful replies to this thread and others.

As opposed to the thoughtless replies like the threesome one that started this mess in the first place?

No matter, you folks have stepped up and done a better job than I could have.

Glad that you approve.

 

[Wwanderer]

A number of the posts in this thread say/suggest that people should not be so sensitive about what others say about their weight or about being heavy in general, that they should have a "thicker skin". Imo, this is good "advice" in one sense but is also bogus in another sense. Namely, it is true that people with sensitive feelings would be better off if they cared less, or not at all, about what others think of or say about them, and it follows that they should try to take a more indifferent attitude to the extent possible. However, it is bogus/semi-useless advice because people don't simply decide how they are going to feel about something and adjust their sensitivity as though it were a setting to dial into their smartphone. Just as "the heart wants what the heart wants", the heart feels what it feels. Aside for perhaps the rare fully enlightened among us, people don't have control, not full control at least, over their feelings.

What is truly bogus imo is giving yourself a pass for offending or hurting someone because they are too sensitive (in your opinion). In almost all cases they would prefer to be less sensitive if they could, but they can't. Just as you have things about yourself that you might want to change but cannot, they have no choice about being easily hurt or offended.

Another way of saying this is that it is not about political correctness, it is about the ordinary human decency of caring how your behavior impacts other people's emotions and happiness.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

IMO it goes both ways.

Some ppl should realize they shouldn't say stuff which they know will hurt other members.

And on the other hand, some members probably will have an easier time in life growing a thicker skin than reacting heavily to every post that might resemble a slight diss towards them - which actually might just refer to a preference not a judgment. After all, it's not like everybody MUST find every provider or other person sexually attractive

 

[meiji]

IMO it goes both ways.

After all, it's not like everybody MUST find every provider or other person sexually attractive

I agree with you to an extent. Not finding someone sexually attractive is one thing. Mocking that person because you don't like the way they look is another.

I'd say in terms of thick skin that people should do their best to not take it personally when people are being insensitive. The problem there is with the insensitive guy, not being overweight.