The Issue Of Weight

[e-smile]

So, there was a thread concerning a fuller figured AV star that prompted a lot of comments on her figure. The thread is no longer available (that I can see), but I can't help be quite surprised by the reaction on TAG, a generally fairly accepting place.

In my understanding of the situation, there are two categories that somone considered overweight might fall into:

1. Involuntarily overweight. This person is unhappy with their figure and hurtful comments will only make things worse. It's like kicking someone when they are down. Reading comments directed at someone else overweight will not make someone in the same situation feel good either. Even if it is very unlikely that the AV star would read this thread, an unwelcoming atmosphere to those with a fuller figure is not pleasant.

It must be noted that not all involuntary people merely lack willpower or dedication, some have genuine medical issues.

2. Voluntary overweight. This person maintains a fuller figure intentionally, perhaps because they or their partner find it more attractive. In the case of the aforementioned AV star, it could very well be that she finds having a fuller figure more profitable.

In my mind anyway, intentially having a fuller figure should be considered a form of "body modification". It is their body and their choice to keep it in whatever choice they might please.

For example, I'm not particularly attracted to large ear gauges but I can respect that the person doing that likes the way they look and is not harming anyone in their own choice. Some people often bring up the issue of high weight being unhealthy, but smoking is also unhealthy, if not more, yet I do not recall seeing smokers shamed in such a way. Why is being intentially overweight any different?

I'm very curious, in this day and age where so many other things are more tolerated, that weight seems to still be a "free for all" area. The internet is littered with "fat people hate" stories, when realistically, it is easy to find unflattering stories and traits in any targeted group. "Fat acceptance" campaigners are constantly mocked, just for asking to be accepted into society for how they choose to be in their own body.

To me, this makes no sense and I can't help but feel disappointed that TAG also is lacking here. I'd be very curious to read the thought process behind those who posted in the AV thread.

Edit: As a post thought, a lot of this could also apply to those who are quite thin but not unheathily so.

I have absolutely no moral jugement on fat girls, I'm just not attracted to them.
That said I don't feel like they are untolerated, to it seems they are the ones who don't tolerate people expressing their non attraction to them. when someone says about the AV offering her service "she's too fat" I don't understand why it should be shocking, she's too fat for him yet others will like her shape. it seems like the "she's too skinny" comment is a way more tolerated comment.

 

[just4fun]

it is about the ordinary human decency of caring how your behavior impacts other people's emotions and happiness.

-Ww

Only in Love with someone will anything like this happen on this planet. History proves my point. Humans won't ever really change

 

[meiji]

when someone says about the AV offering her service "she's too fat" I don't understand why it should be shocking

That's not all that was said. And I quote:

It's almost like getting a 3P.

That's ridiculing her weight, not just expressing a preference.

 

[just4fun]

That's not all that was said. And I quote:



That's ridiculing her weight, not just expressing a preference.

or making a joke......a negativity joke but.......there's a lot of worse things that could have been said if you come right down to it. What's the line that that you shouldn't cross? Everyone has different boundaries.

 

[meiji]

What's the line that that you shouldn't cross? Everyone has different boundaries.

I don't think there's a specific line that shouldn't be crossed, as I've said above. I'm just saying that the original discussion went way beyond just expressing a preference.

I think in general the idea is to maximize constructive discussion, and saying things that making jokes tends to exclude people that are the point of those jokes. I heard of a study somewhere that I can't find right now about how jokes create a dividing line between people that find jokes funny and those that are outraged by the joke.

 

[roots reggae]

As opposed to the thoughtless replies like the threesome one that started this mess in the first place?

Glad that you approve.

That's not all that was said. And I quote:

It's almost like getting a 3P.

That's ridiculing her weight, not just expressing a preference.

OK, I have the time now to make a thoughtful response on this issue. I have not been able to do so and TAG folks for whom I have great respect, have commented on my insensitivity. I do not consider such comments to be fair based on the short sentence, "It's almost like getting a 3P."

First of all, and correct me if I am wrong,(something I expect to occur) when a woman enters the realm of P4P she opens the door to being judged based on her physical characteristics. It becomes a subject suitable for public comment.

Most of the time she markets herself according to the preferences of her target customer base. We can see that in the avatars of our lovely TAG ladies. Sometimes it's the breast. Sometimes it's the booty. Sometimes it's the face. Sometimes it's age. There are others but let's look at these four.

Many men have a preference for a large breast. Breasts come in all sizes. If someone expresses a preference for a large breast, that is not an automatic shaming of women with small breasts. If someone expresses a preference for a small breast, that is not a shaming of women with large breasts.

The same goes for the booty. There are those who prefer a large booty and others who prefer a small booty. So, a provider may feature such an asset openly to attract her customer base. Such marketing is not shaming those with smaller booties.

Likewise with commenting how beautiful a provider is. That does not ridicule those that are not as attractive. Many prefer the "girl next door" look.

Age could be even more controversial. For one, it's not something a person has control over. Many providers stress their youth, even to the point of dressing in schoolgirl outfits. Have you read any posts expressing outrage for this kind of fantasy? Others prefer the MILF persona. Even others in Japan have a fetish for the elderly.

Obviously, the plump AV star has successfully attracted clients based on her attributes. There are many men who prefer full bodied women. Is it really shaming her for suggesting that it's almost like a two for one special? Did I make any negative judgments with my light-hearted joke? Instead, some folks interpreted it as body shaming. Right after that post, some members stated that they did not prefer women who are plump. Others wrote that they do not prefer skinny women. I did not read any insults or ridiculing comments at that point about weight. Compared to many other contentious posts on TAG, the posts were rather civil.

Yes, it did lead to a discussion on weight. I believe we are all entitled to our views on the subject. Some members are sensitive about their weight. One male member appealed to board for help in reducing his weight and getting in better shape. There was no shaming of this man. I, along with many others, made quite a few encouraging posts along with links to help him.

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/weight-loss.11545/

There is absolutely no doubt that an obesity epidemic is a world-wide issue. As such, it is a suitable topic for discussion. Having such a discussion and advocating a healthy body does not constitute an attack on overweight people. Instead it is an expression of concern.

@meiji,

I disagree that my comment was ridiculing her weight. I am tall. I have been asked, "How is the weather up there?" Is that ridicule or making a playful comment on my height?

Once again, when a woman enters the world of P4P, she opens the door to reasonable comments based on her the shape of her body. If those comments bother her, then perhaps she should consider another profession that does not depend upon physical attributes.

 

[meiji]

If someone expresses a preference for a small breast, that is not a shaming of women with large breasts.

This is at least the 3rd time that someone has tried to justify degrading comments made as just 'expressing a preference'.

As an example, there's a gigantic difference in both degree and tone when talking about large breasts between saying:

"her breasts aren't really that firm in my opinion"

and

"that chick's breasts are so droopy, her nipples dragged on the floor when she walked down the hall."

The former is expressing a preference. The latter is badmouthing someone.

 

[just4fun]

This is at least the 3rd time that someone has tried to justify degrading comments made as just 'expressing a preference'.

As an example, there's a gigantic difference in both degree and tone when talking about large breasts between saying:

"her breasts aren't really that firm in my opinion"

and

"that chick's breasts are so droopy, her nipples dragged on the floor when she walked down the hall."

The former is expressing a preference. The latter is badmouthing someone.

(But I can visualize the latter comment vs the former)

 

[roots reggae]

This is at least the 3rd time that someone has tried to justify degrading comments made as just 'expressing a preference'.

As an example, there's a gigantic difference in both degree and tone when talking about large breasts between saying:

"her breasts aren't really that firm in my opinion"

and

"that chick's breasts are so droopy, her nipples dragged on the floor when she walked down the hall."

The former is expressing a preference. The latter is badmouthing someone.

Sorry, I accidentally posted before I made the full reply. Just finished the full post.

I respectfully disagree with your opinion. I am sorry you take offense at my comment as badmouthing. It was not my intent to insult. There's a major difference between intentionally insulting someone and inadvertently hurting someone's feelings. Yes, tone is important and it's not easy to ascertain tone unless folks are together and can see body language and facial expressions.

Tone can mean the difference between satire and sarcasm. Satire points out something with the intention of bringing about attention to an issue. Sarcasm is meant to hurt someone's feelings.

As an example, Oscar Wilde's A Modest Proposal. If you take it literally, which it was not meant to be, it would be immoral to raise babies for consumption. Since it was satire, it pointed to a problem that deserved attention. Small-minded people took it literally.

My 3P comment was made in the same spirit. It was satire and not intended to be cruel. Some folks took it personally, even though there was no inference as such.

I stick with my contention that a person who enters the P4P profession should expect comments, either positive or negative, based on their appearance and performance.

 

[Desktop]

Let's all hold hands & sing Kumbaya.

 

[Wwanderer]

@roots reggae - We mostly agree in detail or are at least on the same general wavelength in discussion threads. Moreover, I have no doubt that your 3p comment was intended to be funny, not hurtful, and that you regret that it hurt @MissInsomnia 's or anyone's feelings. And indeed, who among us has never given offense or hurt to someone unintentionally?

So it is with all due respect and in general appreciation of your opinions that I have to say that I could hardly disagree more strongly with what you say below, especially the part I made bold.

Once again, when a woman enters the world of P4P, she opens the door to reasonable comments based on her the shape of her body. If those comments bother her, then perhaps she should consider another profession that does not depend upon physical attributes.

I disagree for multiple reasons:

First of all, whatever should be the case, I can assure you VERY confidently that nearly all SWs have feelings, insecurities and sensitivities to comments about their appearance little different from those of other women. Through circumstances that I won't describe here, I have known A LOT of SWs of various categories on a personal basis (i.e., other than just as a customer) and have been friends with them or close to some of their friends, and having their feelings hurt, often quite badly, by customers who feel free to criticize or mock their looks because they are in the p4p business is a nearly universal experience. It is routine for SWs to offer each other support and encouragement in dealing with the emotional impact of the insults they receive and are pressured (as your quoted comment does) to accept without complaint. Put slightly differently, if SWs followed the advice you offer them in bold above, almost all of them would leave the profession (which, btw, would drive prices through the roof for the few who stayed with it).

Second, your suggestion that SWs who are sensitive to comments about their bodies consider another profession ignores the reality that many of them do not have more attractive or comparable options available to them, at least not any which offer comparable compensation. Would you like to be in a position of either depriving your family of badly needed income (many SWs are single mothers or the source of the household's primary income) or continue to work in an environment in which you were frequently insulted or otherwise offended?

Third, there is an old aphorism that "you can't be brave (or courageous) if you aren't frightened". SWs differ from other women most dramatically in having to be emotionally stronger, braver, more risk & stress tolerant, and determined. There are a great many women who give sex work a try, or would like to give it a try, but simply can't handle its demands. Imo, all of us who are customers of SWs or who value their work should go out of our way to make it easier for them, not harder. In other words, my opinion is the opposite of yours in that I think you should be more, not less, careful about making any hurtful or insulting comments about their appearance than you would be with a woman who is not a SW.

Fourth and finally, did you ever see Unforgiven, a superb old Clint Eastwood movie about (among other things) the consequences of mocking an insecure man about matters sexual? It doesn't have all that much to do with this topic, but it is a GREAT movie; see it if you haven't.

-Ww

 

[roots reggae]

Ww-sensei,

I respect your right to disagree, however your logic does not persuade me to change my stance. There are other times when you have done so.

I might suggest this topic is rather close to your heart. I admire your defense of these ladies, and please understand, nothing I say is an attack nor a criticism of any of them, nor the profession as a whole.

People in the public realm accept that they are open to comments both positive and negative. Sports figures, newspaper reporters, actors and actresses, politicians, singers, and public servants are all in positions where they will be praised or criticized according to public opinion. SW are in the same position, like it or not, and hold no special immunity or protection. (Though on TAG, most of the members are super chivalrous in this regard.)

All of these folks will get their feelings hurt at one time or another. It can be purposeful or inadvertent. Either way, it's one of the facts of life and needs to be faced. As I stated in one of my earlier posts, it's what one thinks about oneself is what's most important.

I get my feelings hurt in my job, an extremely public and honorable one. I get criticized, sometimes legitimately, mostly unfairly. When that happens I talk to my co-workers, my wife, and just deal with it. If I took it too personally, I'd be an emotional wreck. It just comes with the territory. If I couldn't take it, I would have to change professions, even if it was not as lucrative. That's just the way Life is.

Your contention that the options of SW are limited with comparable compensation is just as flawed. A drug dealer could say the same. A weapons dealer, a human trafficker, a thief, a con artist, the list goes on. These are all fringe occupations, and like it or not, so is a SW. There are always options. Most of the time, additional training or education and taking the time to stay with one career will result in increased opportunities and income.

And... SW, for the most part, have a very limited time of lucrative earnings. One way or the other, it would be prudent to prepare other options to obtain income.

And hey, mocking? You know well enough I have been compassionate, understanding and respectful here on TAG. My sense of humor is appreciated by some and not by others. However, it is intended as satire and not sarcasm. "It's almost like getting a 3P" does not cross the line. It is certainly less objectionable than a great many comments here on TAG that have generated little or no responses.

Once again, we agree most of the time and I respect the principles, but not the logic, behind your disagreement.

P.S. For the record, isn't it nice that we can have these differing points of view without stooping to name-calling, personal attacks, and ostracizing one another?

 

[TheScientist]

However, it is bogus/semi-useless advice because people don't simply decide how they are going to feel about something and adjust their sensitivity as though it were a setting to dial into their smartphone.

I respectfully disagree. Learning to deal with "hurt feelings" is a part of growing up and even as an adult, part of life. This is intended as a generality rather than a veiled comment towards any specific person.

In almost all cases they would prefer to be less sensitive if they could, but they can't.

Not sure I agree here either. Maybe its a generational issue, but it does seem that many people in the 20-30 range seem to take a certain pride in what to me looks like over sensitivity and as above an unwillingness to "grow up".

 

[hkAlone]

Ww-sensei,

I respect your right to disagree, however your logic does not persuade me to change my stance. There are other times when you have done so.

I might suggest this topic is rather close to your heart. I admire your defense of these ladies, and please understand, nothing I say is an attack nor a criticism of any of them, nor the profession as a whole.

People in the public realm accept that they are open to comments both positive and negative. Sports figures, newspaper reporters, actors and actresses, politicians, singers, and public servants are all in positions where they will be praised or criticized according to public opinion. SW are in the same position, like it or not, and hold no special immunity or protection. (Though on TAG, most of the members are super chivalrous in this regard.)

All of these folks will get their feelings hurt at one time or another. It can be purposeful or inadvertent. Either way, it's one of the facts of life and needs to be faced. As I stated in one of my earlier posts, it's what one thinks about oneself is what's most important.

I get my feelings hurt in my job, an extremely public and honorable one. I get criticized, sometimes legitimately, mostly unfairly. When that happens I talk to my co-workers, my wife, and just deal with it. If I took it too personally, I'd be an emotional wreck. It just comes with the territory. If I couldn't take it, I would have to change professions, even if it was not as lucrative. That's just the way Life is.

Your contention that the options of SW are limited with comparable compensation is just as flawed. A drug dealer could say the same. A weapons dealer, a human trafficker, a thief, a con artist, the list goes on. These are all fringe occupations, and like it or not, so is a SW. There are always options. Most of the time, additional training or education and taking the time to stay with one career will result in increased opportunities and income.

And... SW, for the most part, have a very limited time of lucrative earnings. One way or the other, it would be prudent to prepare other options to obtain income.

And hey, mocking? You know well enough I have been compassionate, understanding and respectful here on TAG. My sense of humor is appreciated by some and not by others. However, it is intended as satire and not sarcasm. "It's almost like getting a 3P" does not cross the line. It is certainly less objectionable than a great many comments here on TAG that have generated little or no responses.

Once again, we agree most of the time and I respect the principles, but not the logic, behind your disagreement.

P.S. For the record, isn't it nice that we can have these differing points of view without stooping to name-calling, personal attacks, and ostracizing one another?

Sorry to jump in.
We say in my country that comparison is not reason. In other words, it's not because it seems similar than it is similar.
A direct attack on your look, when you're a woman, is extremely painful to deal with. SW are usually more insecure than the average woman not less when dealing with the look.

In other words and I quote @Wwanderer, if having tough skin regarding comments on their look was a prerequisite, there would be almost no escorts...

 

[MikeH]

A direct attack on your look, when you're a woman, is extremely painful to deal with.

I agree, a direct attack on your looks, regardless of your gender, would be painful to deal with. However in this case I do not see any direct attacks, and I don't even see the person that was discussed to be in any pain.

Instead we saw someone else get offended on her behalf. If I call @roots reggae "Papa Roots" and he tells me that was offending and insulting his great age I will apologise and tell him it was meant as a joke and I promise never to do it again. But if someone else comes to me and says he is offended on behalf of roots I will know he is an American...

In general I agree we should be polite to each other. In the other hand the world is a magical place full of people waiting to be offended by something.

 

[roots reggae]

I don't mean to beat this topic to death and, in many ways it has run it's course. However, a review in another thread, AM-Mayo from Asian Mystique, made me reflect on a point that has not been yet discussed.

Nice, nice review!

You described her just as you remembered, pointed out her strengths and weaknesses as your opinion. This post is a perfect example of my thoughts in the Issue of Weight thread. In your case she was rather skinny. You also noted her breasts, veins on her legs, and the uncertainty whether or not she would be considered attractive.

All of these are legitimate topics to discuss when reviewing a SW.

"I stick with my contention that a person who enters the P4P profession should expect comments, either positive or negative, based on their appearance and performance."

Your comments were rightfully so, directed at potential customers, not the SW herself. To me, that's one of the primary functions of TAG.

I am editing since my main point is truncated unless you expand. Here it is:
"I stick with my contention that a person who enters the P4P profession should expect comments, either positive or negative, based on their appearance and performance."

"Your comments were, rightfully so, directed at potential customers, not the SW herself. To me, that's one of the primary functions of TAG."

Comments made on TAG have a primarily "monger" audience. That thread was definitely so, as was the plump AV star thread.

And audience is one of the factors when considering word tone, choice, and content.

Comments are not directed, for the most part, towards the Sex Worker, SW, on TAG. If the thread was a more general one, directed at both men and women, of course, the tone, word choice, and content would have been different.

 

[hkAlone]

We should settle this with a good thread on pick up artists and some pints of nama biru...

 

[roots reggae]

We should settle this with a good thread on pick up artists and some pints of nama biru...

Great suggestion!!!

I realize I may be putting myself in the hot seat again with my sense (senseless?) humor, but I just can't restrain myself.

After a few pints of nama biru...
the weight preference becomes much less a factor and the PUA aspect a much greater influence.

 

[e-smile]

That's not all that was said. And I quote:



That's ridiculing her weight, not just expressing a preference.

I wasn't reffering to this post, I thought someone was shocked before this post.

but TBH I'm not shocked by this one either.

 

[SummersLastBreath]

Roots mentioned this thread in his reply, so I was curious and came to check it out. I only skimmed through it since it was so long, so if I missed anything, I'm sorry. But here's what I think.

A SW's capital certainly includes their appearance and if they decide to pursue that profession, then they hopefully know that there will be comments on their looks. Many positive ones, but once in a while some not so pleasant ones as well. That's just how life is. But by choosing this career, they also accept the conditions that it comes with. Now I'm not saying that it makes it any more okay to say inconsiderate things to people, because you shouldn't do that no matter what the circumstances are. And I agree with Wanderer that perhaps especially those working in this industry are particularly sensitive about their body image. For example, a star cares probably more than you can imagine about what the tabloids say about them, because that's how they make their living, by being in the eye of the public. But on the other hand, that's just how it is in image-based professions. By doing this job they accept working in this sort of environment. I think what Roots was trying to say was that shit happens and you should know how to cope with it, because it was your decision to do this job. And I think with enough life experience, one should be able to tell these kind of comments apart.

His 3P comment was not made with any malicious intent. His post did not mean to hurt anyone's feelings. I too at first thought 'ouch that's mean' but then I thought through it once more and could see how someone could find it funny and chuckled. Roots was simply trying to be funny. Some did not think it was. But not everyone finds every joke funny, isn't that just how it is? And yes, perhaps he should have considered that. But he is a well established member of this community and I believe that he feels at home here. He feels comfortable enough with you guys to be able to simply crack jokes with you without having to think every single time if everything he says is PC or not. And isn't that great? Does that not show how much he trusts you all to know and understand him well enough to not misinterpret things and read too much into it? If you had to proofread every single post you make to ensure you don't hurt some people's delicate sensibilities, then it makes you more acquaintances than friends. And I think people here consider each other friends in some way or the other. Would you rather he go offline and find some new bros to share his (maybe sometimes less than appropriate but still funny) jokes with?

 

[vondoom]

thin is thin and fat is fat...
but people got different preferences... what us normal to you, might be slim/fat for me...
the majority of men i know dont like skinny girls at all (only for psychological reasons)...
but many are (more or less forced) into saying they like women that are considered to be beauty standards... but then take a look at pierce brosnan, or that wolverine dude...

 

[Wwanderer]

People in the public realm accept that they are open to comments both positive and negative. Sports figures, newspaper reporters, actors and actresses, politicians, singers, and public servants are all in positions where they will be praised or criticized according to public opinion. SW are in the same position, like it or not, and hold no special immunity or protection. (Though on TAG, most of the members are super chivalrous in this regard.)

All of these folks will get their feelings hurt at one time or another. It can be purposeful or inadvertent. Either way, it's one of the facts of life and needs to be faced.

I think I can significantly sharpen/clarify our point of disagreement on this topic.

I agree with all that you say in the above quote and have said the same thing in my previous posts in this thread. That SWs will have their feelings hurt by criticism of their bodies and will have to deal with it is indeed a "fact of life" (though an unfortunate one imo). However, my strong disagreement begins with what *appears* to be your conclusion that this fact removes any obligation others might have to be considerate of their feelings when discussing their bodies. My conclusion, and I think also @hkAlone 's, is that this "fact of life" implies that we should be more considerate of their feelings, not less. In other words, they have it hard (in this regard), let's do all we can to make it easier for them rather than "piling on" and making it harder.

I find it very hard to understand the logic that leads to your (apparent) conclusion and very much doubt that you would apply the same logic in other contexts. For example, you mentioned that you are often subject to unfair criticism that you find hurtful (but deal with) in your work. Would you conclude that if we were to encounter each other in some professional context in which I could reasonably be expected to criticize your work that I should not feel obligated to be fair? My conclusion would be rather that I should try especially hard to be fair.

And one can go reductio ad absurdum for this sort of logic. Someone who chooses a career in the military or in law enforcement has to accept and deal with the "fact of life" that sometimes other people will try to harm or kill him/her. Does this make trying to harm or kill him/her any less wrong? Or one could say that it is a "fact of life" that a black or latino living in the US will encounter and have to deal with racial bias and discrimination, but I doubt that you would conclude that this makes treating such people in a racist way any more acceptable. In fact, I'd guess that you would agree with me that it makes it less acceptable, if anything.

P.S. For the record, isn't it nice that we can have these differing points of view without stooping to name-calling, personal attacks, and ostracizing one another?

Of course, and it is a good thing indeed, but even if "name-calling, personal attacks ..." were to take place, I would not take it personally or be particularly hurt. Those things are a simple "fact of life" in internet discussions. If you are going to participate in discussion threads on almost any internet forum, you can expect to see and receive some of that. It is simply another unfortunate "fact of life", but of course that truth does not make "name-calling, personal attacks ..." any better or more acceptable behavior, at least not imo.

-Ww

 

[Manami TMK]

In my long year escort experience, I see a lot of negative comments about my body, most of them are " she is too thick for my taste"
Well, all I can do is telling them sorry...
When I was younger, I didn't really get hurt but definately was not happy with those comments. Once I even was described in some other thread as "a fat cow that stole the clients from agency"
But it is impossible to have a super duper perfect body that every single different type of men dream for. Clients sometimes say unpleasant thing about your body but as @SummersLastBreath mentioned, it is the part of things escorts have to deal with. There is no really easy job in the world. When I worked in the office, I had to deal with one really annoying boss five days a week and it continues until either one decide to resign. It is not easy. When you are an escort, you don't need to see the same not-favorite client' face five days a week. That's good. Client put nice commencts about your physique sometimes, they give compliments about your service, that's good. So many people feel unfair that they never ever get any appreciations from their clients or bosses on their hard work no matter how much they do.

 

[Wwanderer]

A SW's capital certainly includes their appearance and if they decide to pursue that profession, then they hopefully know that there will be comments on their looks. Many positive ones, but once in a while some not so pleasant ones as well. That's just how life is. But by choosing this career, they also accept the conditions that it comes with. Now I'm not saying that it makes it any more okay to say inconsiderate things to people, because you shouldn't do that no matter what the circumstances are. And I agree with Wanderer that perhaps especially those working in this industry are particularly sensitive about their body image.

His 3P comment was not made with any malicious intent. His post did not mean to hurt anyone's feelings. I too at first thought 'ouch that's mean' but then I thought through it once more and could see how someone could find it funny ... Roots was simply trying to be funny. Some did not think it was. But not everyone finds every joke funny, isn't that just how it is? And yes, perhaps he should have considered that.

I very much agree with the above quotes (except that my screen name has two w's, thank you! ), especially the parts I made bold...but all the rest too, pretty much every word I have quoted. They are a good summary of my views and perhaps better expressed than my several lengthy posts above.

Would you rather he go offline and find some new bros to share his (maybe sometimes less than appropriate but still funny) jokes with?

Afaik no one is talking or thinking about anything remotely so severe or extreme as that. There has merely been the suggestion that making jokes about someone's appearance/body in a public forum read by people who are "particularly sensitive about their body image", as you correctly (imo) say, is not appropriate/considerate and should be avoided by anyone who is averse to upsetting/hurting other people. Whether or not showing that sort of respect/compassion for SWs is asking too much is the issue on which there are differences of opinion...and basically agreement to disagree.

-Ww

 

[roots reggae]

Roots mentioned this thread in his reply, so I was curious and came to check it out. I only skimmed through it since it was so long, so if I missed anything, I'm sorry. But here's what I think.

A SW's capital certainly includes their appearance and if they decide to pursue that profession, then they hopefully know that there will be comments on their looks. Many positive ones, but once in a while some not so pleasant ones as well. That's just how life is. But by choosing this career, they also accept the conditions that it comes with. Now I'm not saying that it makes it any more okay to say inconsiderate things to people, because you shouldn't do that no matter what the circumstances are. And I agree with Wanderer that perhaps especially those working in this industry are particularly sensitive about their body image. For example, a star cares probably more than you can imagine about what the tabloids say about them, because that's how they make their living, by being in the eye of the public. But on the other hand, that's just how it is in image-based professions. By doing this job they accept working in this sort of environment. I think what Roots was trying to say was that shit happens and you should know how to cope with it, because it was your decision to do this job. And I think with enough life experience, one should be able to tell these kind of comments apart.

His 3P comment was not made with any malicious intent. His post did not mean to hurt anyone's feelings. I too at first thought 'ouch that's mean' but then I thought through it once more and could see how someone could find it funny and chuckled. Roots was simply trying to be funny. Some did not think it was. But not everyone finds every joke funny, isn't that just how it is? And yes, perhaps he should have considered that. But he is a well established member of this community and I believe that he feels at home here. He feels comfortable enough with you guys to be able to simply crack jokes with you without having to think every single time if everything he says is PC or not. And isn't that great? Does that not show how much he trusts you all to know and understand him well enough to not misinterpret things and read too much into it? If you had to proofread every single post you make to ensure you don't hurt some people's delicate sensibilities, then it makes you more acquaintances than friends. And I think people here consider each other friends in some way or the other. Would you rather he go offline and find some new bros to share his (maybe sometimes less than appropriate but still funny) jokes with?

Thank you so much for a well thought out analysis of the situation. You expressed my inner thoughts accurately and with empathy.

By the way, your posts have all been insightful and well-written. It appears that you are one of the few female members that is not in the P4P profession. As such, you bring an added dimension and a valuable perspective to TAG. Please continue to contribute.