Getting married with an Ex sexual Worker.

[animal131]

Hardly an apt comparison there!!

It's like telling my potential wife I had a DUI in the distant past vs having an ongoing alcohol dependency. One she doesn't need to know, the other she absolutely does.

Slight of hand and twisting of my point to convey your belief sir, but good try as its an equivalent comparison.

More like I use to do drugs and I was a drug dealer.

 

[Tabanico]

No disrespect to you lol but; you are the kind of guy I am talking about. When it comes to sex, it appears you are like water: taking any form or shape to acquire or appease your goddess. I'm just not this guy and I have no shame being "not that guy". I have limits and apparently you don't. Good for you.名誉

OP already says he doesn't agree with what she did and going to work through it. Kinda ended there right?

Lol. Sure, whatever. But whatever my sexual peccadilloes, I can assure you that whatever insecurities you want to dress up with all this alpha male stuff, your - ANYONE's - choice when you want to settle down with someone boils down to this: accept the fact that your partner has fucked other people (and maybe even enjoyed it!); or try to find someone who has never fucked anyone. If you want to try to find a virgin, good luck with that. If you accept that your partner has fucked other people, why does it matter who they fucked, or how many people they fucked, or how they fucked them, or why, or how much they enjoyed it?

 

[justabrat]

@justabrat I hate to say this, but IMHO you are the problem, not your wife.

You are bringing what I presume is a Western (Judeo-Christian) value system to an oriental country which does not have the same religious based moral system.

You are judging your wife not by the values that have shaped her life, but those that have shaped yours.

I find the people that succeed here, and not just in love, but business also, are those that are more adaptable, and able to develop both an understanding of and empathy for those around them.

I'm not saying Japan is perfect by any means, but developing the ability to be flexible, and to be open to seeing other points of view is vital to having a successful life here.

While it is somewhat ironic that I seem to be sitting in judgement here in this post, if you can't get past this, you are better off ending it now. And if you do manage to talk it out with her, you've then got to put it to bed, and never ever bring it up again (no matter how how bigger argument you get into).

Thanks for this one.

 

[MikeH]

They slept together every time I traveled out for business, without having the courtesy to invite me to the fun.

Well there is cheating and then there is this. She is the worst!

I mean not inviting you to join is just plain evil.

I salute you for the attitude though. That is how a real gentleman takes things!

 

[Acid Burn]

Hardly an apt comparison there!!

It's like telling my potential wife I had a DUI in the distant past vs having an ongoing alcohol dependency. One she doesn't need to know, the other she absolutely does.

Slight of hand and twisting of my point to convey your belief sir, but good try as its an equivalent comparison.

More like I use to do drugs and I was a drug dealer.

You missed Rusty’s point on what needs to be disclosed. Your example of “used to” and “was” are both for past and past versus Rusty’s past vs present scenarios.

 

[animal131]

Lol. Sure, whatever. But whatever my sexual peccadilloes, I can assure you that whatever insecurities you want to dress up with all this alpha male stuff, your - ANYONE's - choice when you want to settle down with someone boils down to this: accept the fact that your partner has fucked other people (and maybe even enjoyed it!); or try to find someone who has never fucked anyone. If you want to try to find a virgin, good luck with that. If you accept that your partner has fucked other people, why does it matter who they fucked, or how many people they fucked, or how they fucked them, or why, or how much they enjoyed it?

LMAO again not interested in word twisting and the OP nor I never expressed a problem with wives previously having sex.. I never express any problem with a woman having past sexual partners. His issue was finding out she worked at a healthspa. Now if you want to wrap beta behavior and repackage it as 'secure' you are welcome to do that if you are incapable of having standards.

If you are a cuck, pay pig, sub, or enjoy seeing other men fuck your girl and that your sexual desire fine as long as you and your partner/wife match on the same sexual wave length that's your business, but Implying I have insecurities and dressing them up with "alpha stuff" based on your misinformation is laughable. At least express to the actual point made. I think most human beings have insecurities, but the insecurities you conjured up behind your internet command center or in your head are just ad hominem.

BTW. While sex is not consider a taboo in Japan. That doesn't change the fact that many men in many countries including Japan don't approve of marrying women who are sex workers and in the same breath look for sex workers for sexual gratification. Its also arm chair to believe that most Japanese women do not see sex work as shameful or feel regret. This is also the same country that many men will not marry a woman if she is divorced. So this idea about Japanese men not caring about a woman's past is bullshit. Saving face, disgrace, and shame on ones family and company just thrown out the window right LOL

"Unsurprisingly largely frowned upon by the Japanese public, a television poll carried out in the late 90s, when enjo kosai reached peak social saturation, said that 70% of respondents opposed the practice of enjo kosai. To combat the problem, some prefectures instituted a program in which plain-clothes police officers and volunteers approached young women who appeared to be participating in ‘juvenile delinquent behaviour’ (staying out past 11pm, underage smoking or drinking, etc.) in order to offer guidance against such actions. The official objective of this program was not to ostracise, but rather to give assistance and attempt to steer girls away from what was seen as a dangerous and immoral activity. Ironically, other surveys carried out during the late 1990s concluded that fewer than 10% of all high school girls engaged in enjo kosai, while over 90% of interviewees attested to feeling uncomfortable with the exchange of any kind of sexual services for money or gifts"

"As suggested by Matsumoto (2002), in a survey by Asahi Shimbun in 1998, people where asked what they perceived to be the main contributing factors to this obvious social problem. The most common response was that ‘parents cannot discipline their children’ and ‘society overemphasizes the desire of goods’. Typically girls commit in enjo kosai spend the money on expensive brand-named goods or on activities with friends."

"Ninety percent of the survey total said they feel uncomfortable about engaging in sex for money in such a situation, while 60 percent feel uncomfortable about the dating itself. In the past few years, enjo-kosai has been the center of media attention, bringing criticism and calls for ethics education for girls who sell their bodies to buy expensive brand-name clothing. The survey was carried out by Mamoru Fukutomi, a psychology professor at Tokyo Gakugei University. The Asian Women's Fund asked the professor to carry out the survey in October and announced the results Thursday. About 960 high school girls were chosen at random, of which 63 percent, or 600, responded."

What I don't like is conveying that someone must drop their own values (or sexual values) which ironically, I never implied moral rules on anyone and just because they get PR in another country doesn't mean your moral compass must change. In other words dont tell me my guidelines for who I don't and do want to fuck, date or marry. What you are implying is I must accept what my partner has done in the past and I simply don't have to. My dick my, problems. exactly why I said "Women have more balls than men, as they have higher values than men these days"

No one here said anything about looking for virgins?
To be honest I rather marry an escort who fucked a 1000 men than a civilian that fucked a 1000 men.

​

 

[Danbo]

BTW. While sex is not consider a taboo in Japan. That doesn't change the fact that many men in many countries including Japan don't approve of marrying women who are sex workers and in the same breath look for sex workers for sexual gratification. Its also arm chair to believe that most Japanese women do not see sex work as shameful or feel regret. This is also the same country that many men will not marry a woman if she is divorced. So this idea about Japanese men not caring about a woman's past is bullshit. Saving face, disgrace, and shame on ones family and company just thrown out the window right LOL

​

Yeah, I also didn't understand the comments that sex work isn't as taboo in Japan because the country doesn't have a Christian background. Maybe the percentage of women who worked in the industry for some time is much higher, but that doesn't mean that its socially accepted in any kind of way.
​

I just remember one girl who told me when who spoke about free time, hobbies, friends etc that she doesn't have a lot. Basically just other girls who do the same job as her, because all her old friends stopped contact when they found out how she makes a living. It's unfortunately a stigma like everywhere else...

 

[Frenchy]

Yeah, I also didn't understand the comments that sex work isn't as taboo in Japan because the country doesn't have a Christian background. Maybe the percentage of women who worked in the industry for some time is much higher, but that doesn't mean that its socially accepted in any kind of way.
​

I just remember one girl who told me when who spoke about free time, hobbies, friends etc that she doesn't have a lot. Basically just other girls who do the same job as her, because all her old friends stopped contact when they found out how she makes a living. It's unfortunately a stigma like everywhere else...

its a social stigma, not necessarily a « moral » one. thats what I meant by shame vs sin cultural backgrounds.
and story for story I had a Japanese colleague who married his favorite hostess, everybody knew and they had dozens of guests at the wedding. Its not all black or white

 

[animal131]

its a social stigma, not necessarily a « moral » one. thats what I meant by shame vs sin cultural backgrounds.
and story for story I had a Japanese colleague who married his favorite hostess, everybody knew and they had dozens of guests at the wedding. Its not all black or white

wouldn't you say morals fuel social stigma? Typically morals and religion is ripped away to erode social stigma. No?

No, its not all black and white I agree. Kurabu girls do not necessarily have sex with salarymen, just as Maids and cuddle cafes don't necessarily have sex with clients.

 

[Frenchy]

wouldn't you say morals fuel social stigma? Typically morals and religion is ripped away to erode social stigma. No?

No, its not all black and white I agree. Kurabu girls do not necessarily have sex with salarymen, just as Maids and cuddle cafes don't necessarily have sex with clients.

ok, I try to be clearer , but you’re right there are obviously overlaps and interactions between the two domains
Social Stigma : « ok, you did that, I don’t like it , but as long as my friends/family/colleagues etc don’t know about it then fine »
Moral stigma : « the horror! You had paid sex with multiple men for one week ten years ago! How can I live with you now?! »


But in a way I am an hypocrite, I have weird hang-ups too... for instance when my (then) American GF told me how she liked to date bad-boys types with bikes , drug dealing, 10 years older (and she was still underage back then, so she was jailbait really), I was in a rage. And it was decades ago. So WTF?! .... the human brain is strange. Probably what happened is that I remember back in junior high and high school I was this nerdy shy guy with very repressed desires who saw all the cool chicks like her hanging out with the same types of guys (except they didn’t have Harleys, its rural France not California ). Always made me feel insecure and sad and insignificant ...

 

[animal131]

ok, I try to be clearer , but you’re right there are obviously overlaps and interactions between the two domains
Social Stigma : « ok, you did that, I don’t like it , but as long as my friends/family/colleagues etc don’t know about it then fine »
Moral stigma : « the horror! You had paid sex with multiple men for one week ten years ago! How can I live with you now?! »


But in a way I am an hypocrite, I have weird hang-ups too... for instance when my (then) American GF told me how she liked to date bad-boys types with bikes , drug dealing, 10 years older (and she was still underage back then, so she was jailbait really), I was in a rage. And it was decades ago. So WTF?! .... the human brain is strange. Probably what happened is that I remember back in junior high and high school I was this nerdy shy guy with very repressed desires who saw all the cool chicks like her hanging out with the same types of guys (except they didn’t have Harleys, its rural France not California ). Always made me feel insecure and sad and insignificant ...

I get you. I just feel moral stigmas are built from societal norms or religion.

 

[animal131]

So as the title says, that is the subject of my first post.

Honestly, im doing this because i don’t know with who talk about this and i suppose i can get a bit of advice here. Im a foreigner living here since three years ago, in the journey after dating, working and some adventures, i just met this beautiful girl who make look everything nice for me. After a While she proposed me to get married, in that way "I will not have a difficult visa process", i must say; i didn’t get married with her because it was the golden ticket, i truly love my wife but her past is quite the nightmare for me.

After a few months we were looking some photos from her past and then one in the salon pop up, i got super shocked and then the true came out in a period of two months of discussions. She actually work around one week there when she was finishing the university, in this kind of soap lands, or more specific the JJ CLUB in Shibuya, she got 4 to 5 guys per day and Honestly i cannot deal with this, so it have been super difficult since then, also our first month was very difficult because we were dating other people, but she was with more than one guy and me just seeing 1 girl... so i don’t know. it got toxic in some way.

I have been reading the forum since long time ago, to understand how it work the sexual work in Japan, i never went into any of the sexual services who they offer in Japan but im Very keen going to Bliss out for example, because in some way i think this kind of place could expand my perception about the multiple sexuality tendencies from the Japanese People, as far as i read theres couples who go there too.

I cannot take this feeling out from me, like being scammed. Do you think guys, im being too judgemental ? sometimes i think maybe i should consume a few delivery girls, maybe in that way i could deal with this, forcing myself to feel guilty about something, but i don’t know... I think sometimes i didn’t explore this are from Japan before get married and its just my ego... Just once after a fight a hang out with a friend and we finish in the love hotel but i feel like shit after.

How do you do to go into delivery girls? or into bliss out with couples? it is my reality lie a crap or im exaggerating ?

Help

Here you go, Hope this help. Take in consideration this is for "host clubs" and not for health spas.

 

[sugarcatwhite]

also our first month was very difficult because we were dating other people, but she was with more than one guy and me just seeing 1 girl... so i don’t know. it got toxic in some way.

Wow. so you are better than her ......I'm speechless.

 

[shadowboxer]

[...] Probably what happened is that I remember back in junior high and high school I was this nerdy shy guy with very repressed desires who saw all the cool chicks like her hanging out with the same types of guys (except they didn’t have Harleys, its rural France not California ). Always made me feel insecure and sad and insignificant ...

They had the super cool Solex I suppose. La bicyclette qui roule toute seule!

I sympathize with the nerdy shy guy with very repressed desires. That sounds just too familiar.

 

[rikkun]

Here you go, Hope this help. Take in consideration this is for "host clubs" and not for health spas.

3’54 for the OP.

 

[Frenchy]

They had the super cool Solex I suppose. La bicyclette qui roule toute seule!

I sympathize with the nerdy shy guy with very repressed desires. That sounds just too familiar.

... or shitty Peugeot or Motobecane scooters , real Japanese motorbikes for the richest.

At 16 I was riding this « beauty » in the pic above
just a 50cc vaguely trying to look like a real bike. Still Didnt impress the birds very much with that... and it had a knack to stop functioning when I was in the countryside, far from home, just before night. Fucking bike.

Funny thing is that now my ex (we’re still good friends) thinks my current lifestyle of fucking 20- and 30-something ladies for money is morally abhorrent... well maybe its my sweet revenge on those teenage years , interests compounded ...

And I hope the (then) 20-something « predators » waiting for our teenage girls classmates outside of the school on their silly bikes , smoking cigs with a smug look on their face, are now just a bunch of old losers stuck with ugly wives in Trouducul sur Fion, Creuse.

 

[Joe2017]

Funny thing is that now my ex (we’re still good friends) thinks my current lifestyle of fucking 20- and 30-something ladies for money is morally abhorrent...

Abhorrent? I would say coherent! It’s very consistent that we continue to like 20 to 30-something girls. That means we are true to our principles. The unique thing that has changed is that now we have money, we can be more selective, practical and effective.

 

[animal131]

View attachment 14385

... or shitty Peugeot or Motobecane scooters , real Japanese motorbikes for the richest.

At 16 I was riding this « beauty » in the pic above
just a 50cc vaguely trying to look like a real bike. Still Didnt impress the birds very much with that... and it had a knack to stop functioning when I was in the countryside, far from home, just before night. Fucking bike.

Funny thing is that now my ex (we’re still good friends) thinks my current lifestyle of fucking 20- and 30-something ladies for money is morally abhorrent... well maybe its my sweet revenge on those teenage years , interests compounded ...

And I hope the (then) 20-something « predators » waiting for our teenage girls classmates outside of the school on their silly bikes , smoking cigs with a smug look on their face, are now just a bunch of old losers stuck with ugly wives in Trouducul sur Fion, Creuse.

I like your thinking..

 

[Frenchy]

I like your thinking..

you shouldn’t, its a sicko’s thinking

What kind of rational adult would still hold grudges from 30 years ago about people whose names he even forgot? or getting mad as hell when a damn escort is not affectionate enough during a dinner or a SB lied to him about not having a BF and all that crap...

Time to grow up. I think I found the right lady now to give a helping hand

 

[MikeH]

Time to grow up. I think I found the right lady now to give a helping hand

And here I was thinking that hand was used more to make it shrink back to the original size.

 

[animal131]

you shouldn’t, its a sicko’s thinking

What kind of rational adult would still hold grudges from 30 years ago about people whose names he even forgot? or getting mad as hell when a damn escort is not affectionate enough during a dinner or a SB lied to him about not having a BF and all that crap...

Time to grow up. I think I found the right lady now to give a helping hand

I wasn't agreeing with your vengeful dick lol.. Just believe the average male 'like stated above' yearns for the 20-30yr female. some may dabble a little younger.. but that's beyond my territory. Sexual provisions for monetary provisions. Its been like that maybe forever. right?

Now I question how many men think that most sex workers are really into them. I could be wrong, but you simply cannot buy true love or affection. You are just buying a dream. True love is having a knife an inch away from your dick when your girl thinks your cheating. oh the good ole days. Escorts tend to be bad actors when it comes to this.

 

[Frenchy]

I wasn't agreeing with your vengeful dick lol.. Just believe the average male 'like stated above' yearns for the 20-30yr female. some may dabble a little younger.. but that's beyond my territory. Sexual provisions for monetary provisions. Its been like that maybe forever. right?

Now I question how many men think that most sex workers are really into them. I could be wrong, but you simply cannot buy true love or affection. You are just buying a dream. True love is having a knife an inch away from your dick when your girl thinks your cheating. oh the good ole days. Escorts tend to be bad actors when it comes to this.

its funny how when this kind of discussion happens it always degenerates into a binary thinking : they can’t be real lovers (which no sane hobbyist would expect much less want anyway) so they must be all cold greedy bitches... I felt into this trap a few times by the way.

Well I know by experience there can be a middle ground ... sex friends with financial benefits if you will. Without going into the whole L-word enchillada it can settle in a genuinely mutually beneficial story where there is respect, honesty, stimulating conversations , trips, and, well, great sex too. Rare but it can happen. So this is where the madonna/whore narrative is wrong.

 

[Frenchy]

And here I was thinking that hand was used more to make it shrink back to the original size.

Yes, thats my definition of « helping hand ». But with the right skills and patience it can have the opposite effect too. Then its a great cycle of endless help

 

[MikeH]

I could be wrong, but you simply cannot buy true love or affection.

People who say money can't buy love just haven't tried with enough money.

 

[animal131]

People who say money can't buy love just haven't tried with enough money.

damn you Hugh Hefner for setting the bar so high