A date with my wife

[Jbagz]

I highly agree with most of this.
Monogamy seems like a mistake to me.

I do see importance in steady partners (and possibly marriage, although the paperwork is all a manmade concept of course) but why would that have to mean jealousy and never getting to sleep with anyone else. If you love someone, set them free, and if they love you too they'll always return to the homebase.

Poly relationships DO seem to be more accepted recently, but even many people who are not negative about them do say that they wouldn't be able to have one themselves. It really takes a lot of trust to set your partner free.

I'm in favor of short-term marriage contracts.

Like signing a four year lease, with a special child rearing clause.

I really don't understand why prenuptial agreements aren't more popular.

Both parties should agree to the terms of divorce before they are married, not after it goes bad.

If you ask me, that is the incredibly insane part of marriage.

 

[e-smile]

I'm in favor of short-term marriage contracts.

Like signing a four year lease, with a special child rearing clause.

I really don't understand why prenuptial agreements aren't more popular.

Both parties should agree to the terms of divorce before they are married, not after it goes bad.

If you ask me, that is the incredibly insane part of marriage.

I heard that exists in Mexico, here is an article about that :
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-mexico-marriage-idUSTRE78S6TX20110929

I think marriage should evolve as a concept. it's still tied to old religious way of thinking that's why divorce isn't an option in most marrying people's mind.

 

[Jbagz]

I think marriage should evolve as a concept. it's still tied to old religious way of thinking that's why divorce isn't an option in most marrying people's mind.

Yep, it is absolutely frightening when you think of the amount of people who still believe in a bunch of nonsense like virgins impregnated by ghosts, flying horses and burning bushes that dictate moral codes.

 

[Yuriko]

Well, I guess that's what so called "marriage" is all about, for "take,.take" kind of a woman.

So sorry to hear in that kind of marriage. Well, that's mostly like abt marrying Japanese in my image. すっかり、おばちゃんだねぇ〜笑 I understood why you did all that consumption to professional sex services.

I would perform a great suck off bbbj by that for an hour. Could give you 2 pops!But sadly I guess, I'm out of your providers list, though. Maybe you hate me after all.

 

[Ladylisa]

sex with a partner is mainly about affection, if it wasn't masturbation would be sufficient.

Hell yes. Even masturbation with a caring partner is so much better than masturbation alone.
I just had virtual sex with my special friend and it was pretty amazing. Not as good as real sex and physical contact of course, but so much better than solo lonely masturbation or dead fish sex from an indifferent spouse.

 

[e-smile]

Yep, it is absolutely frightening when you think of the amount of people who still believe in a bunch of nonsense like virgins impregnated by ghosts, flying horses and burning bushes that dictate moral codes.

+ a man who put every species in his boat (impressed he could find kangaroos and penguins and he managed to prevent the lions and tigers from eating the sheep and deers)
+ a man who cut the sea in two parts to allow only his people to escape slavery from some dictator who wasn't worse than hitler.
+ a man who could walk on the water and died for every sins forgiveness except the sin of eating an apple.

some people just need to believe in unrealistic stuff to see life as more interesting. now you have even people who want to believe that the earth is flat.

 

[Ladylisa]

I'm in favor of short-term marriage contracts.

Like signing a four year lease, with a special child rearing clause.

I get it when the husband/wife is ready to satisfy the other party but jealousy in sexless couples is a joke. it's like signing an exclusivity contract with a supplier who doesn't want to supply.

Yeah I remember saying to my husband that I signed up for monogamy not celibacy

Yeah in that situation it's crazy. Why should they begrudge you going elsewhere to get something they don't want to give.

 

[Wwanderer]

Haha... I can see how that's vague.

"It"means sex baby
I wanted that sweet marital hanky panky - at least more than a once a year mercy fuck.

I've had a lot of dates like OP's - and I was some sort of absolute pervert for suggesting we go to a love hotel, even though we went to lots when we were dating.

The sad thing is that I don't even think he was getting it elsewhere - he just turned it off. And I didn't suddenly get absolutely hideous - I was still getting plenty of attention from men, just not my husband.
I guess it was the classic madonna/whore bullshit, combined with the fucked up transitional way of looking at marriage.

As is well known, J men marrying Western women is much rarer than the reverse, but fwiiw, I know of a couple of other cases of the former (J men + W women) which ended up very much as you describe in the long run.

-Ww

 

[e-smile]

Yeah I remember saying to my husband that I signed up for monogamy not celibacy

last time my wife asked me if I'm cheating her I told her "I should consider it actually. I probably cum around 300 times a year and you're only involved in 10% of these times. my hand wouldn't blame me for taking 10% of the 90% she deals with to have other women handle it".

can't count the number of strokes she afflicted me for saying that.

 

[Ladylisa]

As is well known, J men marrying Western women is much rarer than the reverse, but fwiiw, I know of a couple of other cases of the former (J men + W women) which ended up very much as you describe in the long run.

-Ww

Yeah I do too.
And it's the Japanese man who is turning off the sex.

No wonder I'm not interested in Japanese men any more.

 

[Wwanderer]

And it's the Japanese man who is turning off the sex.

Same in the cases of which I am aware, and as in your situation, the wives see no evidence that he is having sex with anyone else either.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

Given all of the reports one sees on TAG and elsewhere of Japanese wives who stop wanting/allowing marital sex, I can't help wondering if there are a lot of completely J couples where both partners are relieved to stop having to have sex with each other at some point, perhaps after the kids are born. I never lose that "stranger in a strange land" feeling in Japan, one of the things I love most about it.

-Ww

 

[Ladylisa]

Same in the cases of which I am aware, and as in your situation, the wives see no evidence that he is having sex with anyone else either.

-Ww

I do realize that there is a huge p4p scene here and I'm pretty pragmatic , so I wasn't putting my head in the sand about it. At one stage I was hoping to find evidence he was cheating so I'd have an excuse to leave the marriage (I know that is fucked up).

 

[User#8628]

Given all of the reports one sees on TAG and elsewhere of Japanese wives who stop wanting/allowing marital sex, I can't help wondering if there are a lot of completely J couples where both partners are relieved to stop having to have sex with each other at some point, perhaps after the kids are born. I never lose that "stranger in a strange land" feeling in Japan, one of the things I love most about it.

-Ww

I'm pretty sure that a lot of couples here are perfectly happy not having sex with each other and still live together and run a family together.
For some of those couples one or both people may seek the sex with others, but i think also a lot of people here just compensate their sexdrive by working or focusing on taking care of the children and that tires them so much that they usually wont have an interest in having sex.

 

[Wwanderer]

I do realize that there is a huge p4p scene here and I'm pretty pragmatic , so I wasn't putting my head in the sand about it. At one stage I was hoping to find evidence he was cheating so I'd have an excuse to leave the marriage (I know that is fucked up).

Of the cases I mentioned, I am very close to the wife in one case, and she once told me that she also hoped her husband was "cheating", not so she could leave him but because she said that she would feel better knowing that he preferred some other woman to her than thinking that he preferred "nothing" to her. She also hoped that he might be gay and was seeing other men. Total or near total sexual rejection by one's spouse can be psychologically devastating it appears to me and must be very painful at best.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

a lot of people here just compensate their sexdrive by working or focusing on taking care of the children and that tires them so much that they usually wont have an interest in having sex.

A typical Tokyo salaryman's or OL's working life and especially the commuting it usually requires would probably be enough to make me lose interest in sex and pretty nearly everything else. It strikes me as a mad way to voluntarily structure one's life.

-Ww

 

[Ladylisa]

Of the cases I mentioned, I am very close to the wife in one case, and she once told me that she also hoped her husband was "cheating", not so she could leave him but because she said that she would feel better knowing that he preferred some other woman to her than thinking that he preferred "nothing" to her. She also hoped that he might be gay and was seeing other men. Total or near total sexual rejection by one's spouse can be psychologically devastating it appears to me and must be very painful at best.

-Ww

Yes, there's nothing quite like that moment when he accidentally sees you naked and "dresses you with his eyes", or when you realize that you make sure to go to bed after him so you don't have to feel the stab of rejection again and again as he turns away indifferent.

It does a great deal of damage.

Though - being in the arms of someone who thinks you are absolutely amazing and having the best sex of your life goes a long way to healing those wounds.

 

[DocMcStuffins]

A typical Tokyo salaryman's or OL's working life and especially the commuting it usually requires would probably be enough to make me lose interest in sex and pretty nearly everything else. It strikes me as a mad way to voluntarily structure one's life.

-Ww

Voluntary?

 

[Wwanderer]

being in the arms of someone who thinks you are absolutely amazing and having the best sex of your life goes a long way to healing those wounds.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

Voluntary?

???

Don't understand what you are questioning? The culture and life style were created by Japanese people and no one is forced at gun point to accept it as their life. I realize that it is by far the path of least resistance for many Japanese people, but that is not the same thing.

-Ww

 

[DocMcStuffins]

???

Don't understand what you are questioning? The culture and life style were created by Japanese people and no one is forced at gun point to accept it as their life. I realize that it is by far the path of least resistance for many Japanese people, but that is not the same thing.

-Ww

Hmm... I started to write something but it was turning into a book. I think we agree on the facts. But not on the choice part. Societal impact, economic conditions and personality predetermine so much of the outcome, imo.

 

[Wwanderer]

Hmm... I started to write something but it was turning into a book. I think we agree on the facts. But not on the choice part. Societal impact, economic conditions and personality predetermine so much of the outcome, imo.

I don't entirely agree, but I understand what you are saying now and think it is at least an arguable point.

-Ww

 

[Yuriko]

I guess most Japanese are raised in cold affection.
We don't have kissing, hug culture, we are pessimistic, we scold kids, when joking they look down on their kids, 何やってるんだよ〜、それだからダメなんだよー、those phrases we hear pretty often, when we are raised. But surprisingly, that comes from their affection.

It's very different from other countries that hug kids, kiss kids, encourage kids greatly, when they do good at school. It's all "normal" as 当たり前 fact, and parents wouldn't show much, unless you have a very bad score.

So,I guess, that's why majority of Japanese ladies want to have western bfs or non Japanese men with receiving lots of affection, get married, but once honeymoon ends and have kids in their family, complaint and scolding occurs alot, and not much showing affection.

They are raised seeing their parents as a model parents, and wife makes her husband tea, and hus wouldn't say "Thanx". Most things done so quietly. Well, that's more of very old fashioned style. If she was raised in happy, giggly family, she'll be like that when she gets married and raise a family.

It's sad. But, that's a reality. Guyz don't notice it, when they are in love.

At least, we shouldn't forget the gratitude, as many of you mentioned. Because you're there for me, everything goes right. I feel protected alot. How could I be happier! You're an amazing husband! Thank you so much, darling!!!

My male cat shows that to me. (´∀｀*)

I wish I could say that to a man, oneday in the future...or my next life! (´∀｀*)

You can't change your partner. If you want her to change, you're the one to accept her and try to find good in her. Find good game! Maybe is the key for better home.

Couldn't sleep...just wanted to say things from Japanese prospective, when being raised.

Thanks for reading.

 

[e-smile]

I do realize that there is a huge p4p scene here and I'm pretty pragmatic , so I wasn't putting my head in the sand about it. At one stage I was hoping to find evidence he was cheating so I'd have an excuse to leave the marriage (I know that is fucked up).

not having sex is a good enough reason (rather than excuse) to end a marriage.

 

[e-smile]

I guess most Japanese are raised in cold affection.
We don't have kissing, hug culture, we are pessimistic, we scold kids, when joking they look down on their kids, 何やってるんだよ〜、それだからダメなんだよー、those phrases we hear pretty often, when we are raised. But surprisingly, that comes from their affection.

It's very different from other countries that hug kids, kiss kids, encourage kids greatly, when they do good at school. It's all "normal" as 当たり前 fact, and parents wouldn't show much, unless you have a very bad score.

I've noticed that.
while my wife is affectionate with me, she's very strict with our son and she doesn't like him to hug her too much as she talks about マザコン. I insisted that she has to give him a lot of affection while she can cause there will be a day when he'll be the one saying いやだ and ask for space.