Good Adult Jokes

i wonder what type of client they take on. The insta pics are surely just to get likes from thirsty guys. Im assuming they dont actually want horny teenagers as customers.

There was one gym that had all female trainers and skimpy outfits that was specifically aimed at guys, but yeah, the norm at all the gyms I've seen is that guys train with male trainers.

Ah, found it - https://plum-gym.com/ - about 100K a month for twice weekly sessions.
 
There was one gym that had all female trainers and skimpy outfits that was specifically aimed at guys, but yeah, the norm at all the gyms I've seen is that guys train with male trainers.

Ah, found it - https://plum-gym.com/ - about 100K a month for twice weekly sessions.

The before-and-after guys who posed for that ad made me LOL! Good stuff. (y)
 
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Im not a gym expert by any stretch, but pretty sure you dont need a spotter on a machine like that.

You maybe don't need but you surely want.

Though I specifically selected a gym with no good looking girls. Easiest way to get hurt is to suddenly spot a too good looking girl in a middle of a heavy set.
 
Apparently, no one considered the sunlight when this structure was designed.

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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
 
The Truly Amazing Incredible Story of man and beast.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
 
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Two dogs were at the vets in cages. One says, "What are you in for?" He says, "My master left me home alone. I got lonely and I tore the couch up and chewed the table legs". "Wow, looks like the needle for you". "Yeah... it's over for me". What about you?

My master is a hot chick and wears sexy negliges all day. One day, she was leaning over the sink doing the dishes and drove it home.

Other dog: "Wow, the needle for you too!"

HELL NO! I'M HERE TO GET MY NAILS TRIMMED!"
 
A woman is preparing a dinner for her parents and sends her husband out to buy some fresh snails.
The husband buys the snails then pops into the pub for a quick drink. One thing leads to another and he stays for a few rounds, so many in fact, that by the time he leaves it's nine in the evening. Realizing he's extremely late the husband runs home, pours the snails over the path leading to his house, then he rings the bell. His furious wife opens the door. 'Where the hell have you been?' she screams. The husband waves back to the snails, 'Come on, lads!' he shouts 'We're nearly there!'
 
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”

“Yeah, that’s the one!”
 
Was that taken at Starbutts?

Last week I saw the best butt in a thin Japanese girl I have ever seen at the station. I didn't know it is even possibly to walk that slow as I did. Happily she was going to a direction I knew as otherwise I would probably be still lost.
 
Three men are travelling through the desert when their single camel dies. They walk for a while but then it becomes night. Desperate for shelter, suddenly they stumble across a tent and inside are three beautiful women. The men were not only lost but horny too so they begin to have sex with the women. But the tent belongs to a prince and these three women are his wives so he is very angry when he arrives an hour later and sees three strangers having sex with his wives. He tells the three men he will chop off their penises as punishment, in some way relating to their job. He asks the first man what his job is: The guy says, "I’m a fireman" The prince says, "Then we’ll burn your dick off!" The second guy says, "I’m an employee at the shooting range" The prince says, "Then we’ll shoot your dick off!" The third guy smiles and says, "I’m a lollipop salesman"