Terrible Dad Jokes Thread

[Sudsy]

My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta.

Cheer up, the pesto's yet to come.

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[TheLetterD]

Map of Europe drawn from memory.

 

[Cinnabums]

Map of Europe drawn from memory.

View attachment 24711

Fixed it....

 

[SquidCity]

How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they can't reach that high

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[Sudsy]

If R2 is short for R2-D2, Chewie is short for Chewbacca, and Ani is short for Anakin, what is Luke short for?

A stormtrooper.

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[TheLetterD]

I told a dad joke on a Zoom call, and nobody laughed.

Turns I'm not remotely funny.

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[Sudsy]

 

[just4fun]

 

[TheLetterD]

The other day I had a Russian Uber driver.

His name was Pikup Andropov.

 

[just4fun]

 

[SquidCity]

What is the taste of fan?
Fantastic

 

[just4fun]

A photon checked into a hotel. The clerk asked if it had any luggage. The photon said, "No--I'm traveling light."

 

[just4fun]

 

[TheLetterD]

A Mexican magician said he could disappear by counting to three.

"Uno. Dos." <poof>

He disappeared without a tres.

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[impish]

A man was standing in front of a food truck with a sign that read.

Cheeseburgers $5
Fries $3
Handjobs $10

He walks up to the truck and asks the woman at the window, and asks "Are you the one giving out the handjobs?"
She replies "I sure am!"

He hands the woman $10 and says "Wash your hands, I'd like two cheeseburgers"

 

[Danbo]

 

[impish]

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chick peas?

Black Eyed Peas can sing us a song, while chick peas can only hummus one.

 

[Sudsy]

What's the difference between Black Eyed Peas and chick peas?

Trump has never paid to have a black eyed pea on his face.

 

[YokoMonger]

Trump has never paid to have a black eyed pea on his face.

Not what I heard.

 

[Sudsy]

Not what I heard.

... read a little more carefully. You'll get it.