Thank you all.
To Be honest, I received advice from psychologist but i got answers like "In japan this kind of Job is like to be a nurse". In that sense i could understand a few things, i could be receptive and also don’t have the judgement that i had before (due the huge cultural systems). It allow me to think, "ok thats the conception about that here". Im not a church guy for sure... but its still very fucked up to get that kind of answer... please don’t take this wrong.
I don’t suggest the idea to consume sexual services as a revenge, not as a measure about her past neither, i sorry if i didn’t explain that well. Its just, i suppose a desperate mode to release from the cage that means to be trapped into the idea of what my wife was. We discuss this together also, we agreed in that maybe it was necessary, i can truly say theres not bullshit in between from my part.
Maybe it sound fucked up, but to read the answers was helpful. Now i really know, There is people who will not get married with a woman like this and that says a lot, and it make me feel relief. I didn’t get married for convenience, as i said, i didn’t knew the true, so the shock was massive because i truly believe in love, even if we have dark shit inside.
For sure theres a hurricane of feelings about this kind of situation and its very difficult to talk about it. In some way i consider myself brave to continue dealing with this. More than the past, it was the true the thing who was betrayed, things got complicated.
I don’t think its necessary to be mean at the moment to write an answer, i think this could happen to anyone... I just wanted to know an opinion of people with more experience.
Thanks Danbo and Joe2017.
I don't know how old you are, but what you are writing reminds me a lot of how I would have probably felt in my 20s. I would have probably been very uneasy about this. Partially probably because I was kinda the romantic type of guy and tied sex and love very much together, partially probably also because of what
@Juliet wrote. I haven't been particularly early with my sexual experiences, not have they been so plentiful, so insecurity probably would have been an issue. I never made that experience though.
Now I'm not in my 20s anymore and as many others who wrote here, it wouldn't bother me at all. Any woman I will meet will have a past and that past may contain things I'm not particularly fond of, but also that person has likely changed in some way, so the important thing to me is not her past, but if I like and want to be with the present version of that woman.
Obviously there are things in the past that could still influence me. I'm very sure, that I wouldn't date a girl who murdered someone for instance, but generally speaking I'm way less sensitive about someone's past.
I can understand that you kinda feel betrayed by her not telling you in the first place, but
- she only did it for a week, so she might not consider it so significant herself
- it might be something she doesn't feel proud about/didn't like and wants to forget
- it's generally something woman are shamed about and makes her vulnerable
- is there ever a good moment to bring that up
There is another thread on this forum about whether you should tell your partner about your past P4P experiences and the general consensus is, that rarely anything good can come from it. This past falls into the same category to me.
If my partner would ask me, if I did P4P in the past, I wouldn't answer that. There are just things that aren't her business and I'm pretty sure it's the same the other way around. As a couple you share many, even most things, but not automatically everything. It's not like I'm hiding a kid from her
How you deal with it, is obviously up to you. I think experiencing P4P has kinda put me at ease with it, so I can kinda understand you. P4P is still kinda contrary to my "ideal" of love, but life in itself kinda crushed that too
Since you have been completely unaware of that before, it seems that her short experience as a provider didn't otherwise negatively affect her from your perspective. Since you otherwise seemed pretty happy about your relationship before and don't have religious beliefs inferring here, you should give serious thought, if it's really a deal breaker or not.
I think like Juliet said, the most important thing is to understand for yourself, why it irks you so much. She didn't do anything wrong (in my opinion), but might still not be the right fit for you.