Getting married with an Ex sexual Worker.

[Frenchy]

Do you travel?

do you, punk ?!

(sorry , could not resist )

 

[animal131]

I

do you, punk ?!

(sorry , could not resist )

LOL.

 

[Frenchy]

I


LOL.

seriously, I think you’re ok , you wrote pretty respectful things about sex workers (and yes I wrote pretty horrible things too sometimes, sometimes deserved by the way) ... all I just wanted to mean is that its not an all black or white thing. Now please marry your virgin cousin or whatever floats your boat man

 

[animal131]

seriously, I think you’re ok , you wrote pretty respectful things about sex workers (and yes I wrote pretty horrible things too sometimes, sometimes deserved by the way) ... all I just wanted to mean is that its not an all black or white thing. Now please marry your virgin cousin or whatever floats your boat man

I bet if I had 300 million Ill get my virgin. Nothing like that new car smell.

I got something for you Frenchy

 

[Frenchy]

I bet if I had 300 million Ill get my virgin. Nothing like that new car smell.

I got something for you Frenchy
View attachment 14389

Thanks! (Whatever that means... you’re a rather hard to decipher Animal)

 

[Juliet]

I see nothing wrong with someone not wanting to date a previous or current sex worker. I think the only reason that a lot of people get upset at this concept is that it's often not just "our values around sex don't align" (which is completely fine) and more "it's disgusting and shameful" even if they don't say it directly. More often than not, someone saying they won't date a sex worker often carries an air of disrespect and disgust in tone. This can be frustrating hearing from someone who shares similar values to a sex worker (watches porn, visits escorts, sleeps with many women in their personal life) so it can come across as hypocritical or even sexist. Not saying that's necessarily true, it just can obviously come across that way.

For someone who is more traditional about sex and romance, it is completely understandable why sex work would be a deal-breaker, and I 100% respect that. I do think it's important to understand why you feel that way, which usually involves some self-reflection. If it's genuinely that your sexual values just don't align, that's completely fine and you don't need to explain your reasons to anyone. However I do feel that many men feel insecure, that their partner would be comparing them to past clients and silently judging them, or that she may be jaded, cheat on them, etc. It can also be some subconscious negative feelings of disgust and shame towards sexuality, particularly female sexuality, which is distilled into many of us in childhood (anyone else grow up in the bible belt?)

TL;DR everyone has their own preferences and there's nothing wrong with that. But it's also worth reflecting on your reasons for why you have those preferences.

 

[just4fun]

Men marry women for at first on they looks (chemicals in the brain)..........everything else is divided up into parts of want/don't want. I married a working girl and the relationship remained exclusive for over 5 years. Unless my income vanished as it sometimes did back in the old days. She could do a weekend and pay all the bills for a month or more. I knew she loved me for who I was and not the money I was making. Imho there's not a lot of women that think this way in my life experience. A mans ego can at times be bigger than the Universe. Is that positive thinking? I don't know.

I married her for who she was between the ears (and yeah, she looked great too) and it's a life experience that helped me grow as a human being (that can be argued till the end of time though) If you worry about what other people think about you then ur fucked. As you grow older and life gives you more experience you begin to filter things out but for me I don't regret one minute of that time period. We're still friends btw.

Yeah as Juliet pointed out, being brought up with religion of any sort can hamper your thinking.

 

[Desktop]

I’ll just add a perspective not mentioned here. What if a man made decisions based on growing up in a culture around escorts? So his beliefs are built upon his actual personal experiences? We are all from different places & I keep seeing the mention of religion. That’s not the deal with everyone.

 

[RandomTokyoGuy]

Thank you all.

To Be honest, I received advice from psychologist but i got answers like "In japan this kind of Job is like to be a nurse". In that sense i could understand a few things, i could be receptive and also don’t have the judgement that i had before (due the huge cultural systems). It allow me to think, "ok thats the conception about that here". Im not a church guy for sure... but its still very fucked up to get that kind of answer... please don’t take this wrong.

I don’t suggest the idea to consume sexual services as a revenge, not as a measure about her past neither, i sorry if i didn’t explain that well. Its just, i suppose a desperate mode to release from the cage that means to be trapped into the idea of what my wife was. We discuss this together also, we agreed in that maybe it was necessary, i can truly say theres not bullshit in between from my part.

Maybe it sound fucked up, but to read the answers was helpful. Now i really know, There is people who will not get married with a woman like this and that says a lot, and it make me feel relief. I didn’t get married for convenience, as i said, i didn’t knew the true, so the shock was massive because i truly believe in love, even if we have dark shit inside.

For sure theres a hurricane of feelings about this kind of situation and its very difficult to talk about it. In some way i consider myself brave to continue dealing with this. More than the past, it was the true the thing who was betrayed, things got complicated.

I don’t think its necessary to be mean at the moment to write an answer, i think this could happen to anyone... I just wanted to know an opinion of people with more experience.

Thanks Danbo and Joe2017.

I don't know how old you are, but what you are writing reminds me a lot of how I would have probably felt in my 20s. I would have probably been very uneasy about this. Partially probably because I was kinda the romantic type of guy and tied sex and love very much together, partially probably also because of what @Juliet wrote. I haven't been particularly early with my sexual experiences, not have they been so plentiful, so insecurity probably would have been an issue. I never made that experience though.
Now I'm not in my 20s anymore and as many others who wrote here, it wouldn't bother me at all. Any woman I will meet will have a past and that past may contain things I'm not particularly fond of, but also that person has likely changed in some way, so the important thing to me is not her past, but if I like and want to be with the present version of that woman.

Obviously there are things in the past that could still influence me. I'm very sure, that I wouldn't date a girl who murdered someone for instance, but generally speaking I'm way less sensitive about someone's past.

I can understand that you kinda feel betrayed by her not telling you in the first place, but
- she only did it for a week, so she might not consider it so significant herself
- it might be something she doesn't feel proud about/didn't like and wants to forget
- it's generally something woman are shamed about and makes her vulnerable
- is there ever a good moment to bring that up

There is another thread on this forum about whether you should tell your partner about your past P4P experiences and the general consensus is, that rarely anything good can come from it. This past falls into the same category to me.
If my partner would ask me, if I did P4P in the past, I wouldn't answer that. There are just things that aren't her business and I'm pretty sure it's the same the other way around. As a couple you share many, even most things, but not automatically everything. It's not like I'm hiding a kid from her

How you deal with it, is obviously up to you. I think experiencing P4P has kinda put me at ease with it, so I can kinda understand you. P4P is still kinda contrary to my "ideal" of love, but life in itself kinda crushed that too

Since you have been completely unaware of that before, it seems that her short experience as a provider didn't otherwise negatively affect her from your perspective. Since you otherwise seemed pretty happy about your relationship before and don't have religious beliefs inferring here, you should give serious thought, if it's really a deal breaker or not.

I think like Juliet said, the most important thing is to understand for yourself, why it irks you so much. She didn't do anything wrong (in my opinion), but might still not be the right fit for you.

 

[Frenchy]

I’ll just add a perspective not mentioned here. What if a man made decisions based on growing up in a culture around escorts? So his beliefs are built upon his actual personal experiences? We are all from different places & I keep seeing the mention of religion. That’s not the deal with everyone.

interesting question... like someone whose dad is a pimp and mum part of his staff?

 

[MikeH]

I think we are all somehow hooked up with the second part of the title while ignoring the bigger problem which is the first part.

The bigger problem here is the getting married part, that one doesn't make any sense to me. You just need to read the stories even here in TAG and you realise it's much healthier to stick with the escorts and skip the marriage.

 

[Desktop]

interesting question... like someone whose dad is a pimp and mum part of his staff?

Not the scenario I was referring to but if you were in that cultural environment go with it.

 

[Frenchy]

Not the scenario I was referring to but if you were in that cultural environment go with it.

Im sure they would have both been great at their jobs anyway, So I would still admire them.
But being a bit deviant/rebellious I would probably marry a strict catholic schoolgirl then .

 

[MikeH]

But being a bit deviant/rebellious I would probably marry a strict catholic schoolgirl then .

Cheaper to ask her to wear the costume and play the headmaster yourself.

 

[Rusty Trombone]

The issue of religion got a bit deflected along the way.

My point was that the value system in many western societies is based on religion (like it or not). Even for a non-believer, societal norms generally have some religious backing, and these are instilled in you during your formulative years.

My point to the OP was not that his religion was getting in the way, but the values instilled in him during his upbringing. And these may be in contrast to what his wife was exposed to in hers.

I think @Desktop example is a good one, and actually reiterates the point.

Of course there is no way this is universal, and exceptions will abound, but from the tone of the OP it sounded like he is having a moral crisis.

 

[Desktop]

I had a thought about this topic.
Would women be equally not concerned if they found out their husband did either sex work themselves or managed sex workers in their past?
I’m thinking of the average lady would they be cool with either finding out after marriage?

 

[Juliet]

I had a thought about this topic.
Would women be equally not concerned if they found out their husband did either sex work themselves or managed sex workers in their past?
I’m thinking of the average lady would they be cool with either finding out after marriage?

This is interesting to think about. Unfortunately my first thought when I hear "managed sex workers" is a pimp or sex trafficker. Although I know that's definitely not always the case, it would probably be the first assumption of most women.
In terms of a man having done sex work, of course many of us ladies on TAG would have no issue with that. I can't imagine the average woman would be so understanding though, especially since male sex workers are a lot rarer than female so it's kind of uncharted territory. I can imagine most women would have the same kind of reservations as men - insecure that their partner would be comparing them to clients, worried that they don't value sex or see it as special, thinking they carry STDs or will cheat, etc.

 

[DireWolf98]

JJ CLUB in Shibuya means she was banging dudes for money

JJ Club is a Fashion Health, so she wasn't banging dudes ...

https://www.shibuya-jjclub.com/top/

 

[DireWolf98]

Back when I lived in Tokyo, I was denied admission to JJ Club. I tried several times.

For years, JJ Club advertised as a HJ venue and IIRC, the girls wore bikinis. Now, it seems to be a mainstream Fashion Health.

https://www.shibuya-jjclub.com/top/

 

[SugoiBoy]

I don’t know where the OP is from, but at
least for an American who wishes to marry a current or former sex worker, the alien might not be able to get an immigrant visa for the USA. Yeah, it’s a stupid law, but the law is still being enforced, AFAIK.


Even if the OP plans on living in Japan long term, it is still something to consider if he is from the states. Certain other countries might have similar rules, but I’m not sure about that.

 

[animal131]

JJ Club is a Fashion Health, so she wasn't banging dudes ...

https://www.shibuya-jjclub.com/top/

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/fashion-health-in-shibuya-gaijin-friendly.8632/

A review from here.. most likely the same as JJ

Ruka るか I've been with twice. I would have liked to be with her more since she is by far the youngest of the girls I've been with there (mid-late 20s I think). She is slim, very attractive much like her pix. Not much into kissing. Just light stuff. She gave a pretty good BBBJ but doesn't allow CIM. Pussy tastes good too. She offered me FS instead of CIM both times. Doggy was great. Very high marks.

Miho みほ I've been with her at least a dozen times. She's probably mid-late 30s. Tiny. She kisses a bit and has excellent BJ skills. The last few times I was with her she stopped offering CIM but offered me FS instead. I had a blast every time I was with her, pun fully intended. Full marks for her.

Anri あんり I've been with twice. Mid 30s likely. She seems sweet and eager to please. She only offers CBJ. I had FS with her once which was good.

Karen かれん is a really fun and funny girl. 30s, hard to tell. Went with her a half dozen times at least. While her skills were not up to par with some others, I always had a lot of fun with her chatting skills. She used to offer BBBJ but the last few times I was with her she insisted on CBJ so I stopped selecting her a few years ago. Nice tasting pussy.

Manami まなみ is probably in her late 30s. Be aware, she is significantly heavier than her pix. She has increased her weight by about 15% I reckon since I've been seeing her. And, yes, despite that I continued seeing her because this girl can suck dick.

Yeah. absolutely no fucking going on in Fashion health clubs LOL!!!

 

[Yanchan]

Just my 2c and I may be cynical, but I really don't feel the number of guys a girl has been with before me really matters.
I only care how she feels about me now, whether she really wants to be with me, and that she's ready to leave the rest in the past.
In fact she may have been with 100 guys (p4p or regular dating) and easily not care about them at all, or has been with just one guy but still hung up on him. The latter is definitely worse IMHO ...

 

[animal131]

Just my 2c and I may be cynical, but I really don't feel the number of guys a girl has been with before me really matters.
I only care how she feels about me now, whether she really wants to be with me, and that she's ready to leave the rest in the past.
In fact she may have been with 100 guys (p4p or regular dating) and easily not care about them at all, or has been with just one guy but still hung up on him. The latter is definitely worse IMHO ...

I am curious to know who has had a successful marriage (no cheating or 3rd parties) with a woman that has had sex with 300 men (or men who did the same) and im not talking about 50 year old women, ppl in the porn business or the man is a sugar daddy or wealthy.

To be honest an independent escort fucking 100 guys and a girl that has fucked 100 random guys is completely two different realms. (That's like comparing a wine taster to a full blow alcoholic) But why even make this statement - the sexual landscape is so one sided right now.. many men are willing to go homeless just to get affection. If you meet a girl (non escort) and she is 25 and fucked 100 guys and you don't think this is a red flag.. you are smoking some good stuff. I am curious of the guys saying this has ever married or dated a woman who has a high body count. I do agree with you.. women do have an ability to be complete detached from the person they are fucking, men and women are not the same.

I mean since we are talking about morals and sex is not a "sin" do you mind your wife fucking another guy while together? Why when married morals and values suddenly kick in? If your house was to foreclose or lose your apartment would you let her escort to save the house? If you have kids with a woman who was an escort and you divorce do you mind her escorting as a mother? Do you mind your daughter being an escort?

If your fetish is cucking or your wife being fucked by others please do not answer.

​

 

[MikeH]

I am curious to know who has had a successful marriage (no cheating or 3rd parties)

I see why we cannot have a meaningful discussion about this. Your definition of a successful marriage is totally different than mine; I would define a marriage to be successful if both people are happy in it.

 

[Yanchan]

Surely sex is not a sin by default, right?
Young, single people, healthy and horny, end up having lots of sex. What's wrong with that?
And some of the good looking ones realize they can make (good) money out of it. If they're not in a committed relationship, then again, what's wrong with that?
This is compounded by the fact that job opportunities are limited for women in Japan. They're expected to marry and become housewives! So because of that, companies don't invest in women in the workforce because they expected them to marry and quit.
Anyways, that's probably for another discussion. I have a lot of thoughts on that topic

But to go back to the original question:
I do know of a former escort who got married to a guy few years ago (and he does know of her past). I don't know them directly, so I don't know for sure how well things are going, but they're still married, so there's that.