Good Adult Jokes

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Strictly speaking, not a joke, surely adult and funny. If OT, no problem in taking it down.


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A man walks into a pharmacy and buys a condom. He then walks out of the store laughing hysterically.
The pharmacist thinks this is weird. However, there are no laws preventing weird people from buying condoms.
Who knows, maybe it’s a good thing.

The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again, he leaves the store laughing wildly.
This really arouses the curiosity of the pharmacist. What could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?

So the pharmacist tells his female assistant: “If that guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes.”

Sure enough, the next day the same man is back. He buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves.
The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the guy. About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.

The pharmacist asks the clerk: “Did you follow him? Where did he go?”

The clerk replies, “Your house!”
 
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A sixty year old man walks into a drug store and walks up to the girl at the checkout counter. He asks her, ‟Do you sell condoms here?”

‟Sure. What size are you?”

‟I do not know,” he replies.

‟Well, just let me check,” the cashier says. She unzips his pants, takes a feel, and then says over the intercom, ‟Extra large condoms to the checkout counter please. Extra large condoms to the checkout counter.”

A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.

Later, a thirty year old man walks into the store and up to the checkout counter. He asks the girl, ‟Do you sell condoms here?”

The cashier replies, ‟Sure. What size do you need?”

‟Well, I do not know.”

‟Allow me to check for you,” she says as she unzips his pants and takes a couple of tugs. She then says over the intercom, ‟Large condoms to the checkout counter please. Large condoms to the checkout counter.”

A clerk returns with some condoms. The man pays for them and leaves the store.

Some time later, a eighteen year old boy, hoping to get lucky, walks up to the girl at the checkout counter and asks sheepishly, ‟Um, ah, do you guys sell condoms here?”

‟Yep,” she says. ‟What size do you need?”

‟I don't know,” he says nervously.

‟Allow me to check for you,” she says. The cashier unzips his pants for a feel, pauses for a moment and then says over the intercom, ‟Clean up at the checkout counter please. Clean up at the checkout counter.”
 
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Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson

"And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's whore"
 
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A biker went to a local Harley shop to have his bike repaired. They couldn’t do the work while he waited, and so, since he didn’t live far from the shop, he decided to walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped at the feed store / livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, he had a problem… How to carry his entire purchase home. The feed store owner said, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?” “Hey, thanks!” said the biker, and out the door he went. In the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost, and asked if he could tell her the way to 1603 Mockingbird Lane. The biker said, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 Mockingbird Lane.” We can take a short cut down this alley and be there in no time”. The little old lady looked him over cautiously, and then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?” The biker said, “Holy smokes lady! I’m carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in Hell could I possibly hold you up against a wall and do that?” The lady said, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”
 
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A man reads that the subconscious mind is most easily influenced during orgasm. He tells his wife about it, and they agree to try an experiment.
That night while having sex, just as they are both orgasming, the man whispers into his wife's ear, "You are beautiful."

The next day, the wife remarks that she feels incredibly beautiful. Success! They decide to try again.
Later that night, while climaxing the man whispers into his wife's ear, "You are perfect."
Sure enough, the next day the wife feels like she is perfect and can see no flaws in herself.

"Now you try," says the wife. "I want to see if it works on you."
Again, later that night, while having sex, the two are climaxing together. The wife leans down, put her lips to his ear, and says,

"TAKE OUT THE GOD DAMNED TRASH!!!"
 
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